


Making Money in Shibuya

by Parsonsaj



Series: Making Money in Shibuya [1]
Category: Subarashiki Kono Sekai | The World Ends With You, The World Ends With You
Genre: But beware of chapter 12, Can't give specifics, Comfort Sex, Dirty Talk, Domestic, Escort Service, F/F, Grief, How did i somehow forget to add that one until now???, JOSH IS AN ASSHOLE, M/M, Oral Sex, Poor Life Choices, Seduction, Self-Loathing, The full monty - Freeform, What's new, and cake, arranged relationship trope, art student!Neku, eccentric patron, gotta break open your heart, gotta pay the bills, the most explicit tag of all, threat of violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:08:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 56,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28974114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Parsonsaj/pseuds/Parsonsaj
Summary: College student Neku Sakuraba is broke. Out of reluctant curiosity, he signs up for a companion website, hoping to make some money. He wasn't expecting to have to deal with this asshole.
Relationships: Kiryu "Joshua" Yoshiya/Sakuraba Neku
Series: Making Money in Shibuya [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2169576
Comments: 39
Kudos: 96





	1. Making Poor Life Choices, Once Again

Making money in Shibuya was harder than Neku had expected. Sure, Neku could have taken many of the run-around jobs that had been becoming popular around the city (bringing people where they needed to go, getting their groceries,) except that he didn’t have a car. It was just more practical to get around on foot, anyways, given the level of hustle and bustle the city was prone too. What a pain.

He’d gone into Tokyo City University planning to get a job at one of the bookstores the school operated, but it seemed that was a popular choice. His heart sunk as he walked up to the sign-up sheet; even at a distance, he could already see the list of names was a mile long.

He worked an on-and-off service job, but that only got him about twelve hours a week—hardly enough to pay his student housing and afford more than the street serving of yakisoba he’d been stretching for way too long. Beyond that, hardly anywhere was offering. In a city full of teens and college students trying to make a living, he was late to the party.

Which led him to this.

He felt his nose screw up as he stared at the website’s fore-fronting: young, male eye-candy posing for the camera, overlaid with enough filters to make them hardly seem human anymore. They looked like dolls. Or idols, at least. Some level of fronting.

**_Partner Select_ **

_Tired of lonely days and nights spent in solitude? Find a companion to fill your days with bliss._

Neku had recoiled when he’d initially seen the ad in the sidebar of a porn site he’d been visiting (as a college freshman, he had plenty of pent-up frustration and restless hands). But, noticing the area code in the phone number provided, the ad had given him pause. _Hm._ _Local._

He’d hesitantly clicked on it, and, after some investigation, he’d been surprised to find that it wasn’t strictly a sex thing. The models (was that...what you called them?) didn’t provide pictures that were overtly dirty, and while their profiles were flirtatious, he made note of a few that specifically indicated _no sex._

_So. More of an escort service than a brothel._ The idea still made him lean back in his computer chair. _Ugh. Still._

He...wasn’t actually considering this, was he?

...And now, after several weeks eating almost nothing but 100-yen ramen and yakisoba, here he was, actually considering this.

How far he had fallen.

(Okay, not that far, honestly. He’d always been bad at planning ahead.)

He looked down at himself. Not exactly escort material—Shiki had commented on his sense of style (or lack thereof) more than once, and otherwise, he knew his lanky figure was an...acquired taste. Still, the service job he had with Beat had helped him fill out a little, so at least he had some muscle going for him.

Wincing, he re-read the description he had entered.

**College student trying to make some money. I’m not going to have sex with you. Contact me if you need someone to...hang out, or something. I can go on dates, cook food, stuff like that. I’ll have to work around my schedule. No creeps.**

**Body type: athletic** (he’d embellished a little)

**Age: 19**

**Locality: Shibuya area**

Looking at the words made his stomach ache. He knew if Shiki knew what he was doing, she’d absolutely lose it over him _“putting himself in danger like that!!!”_ He squinted, cursor hovering over the SUBMIT button.

He narrowed his eyes, the blue light casting a slimy aura over the late-night atmosphere as music pounded in his headphones _. Alright, Neku. Think about this. Is the money these people pull in really worth it?_

He looked at the rates again.

Yes. Yes it was.

He hoped he wasn’t going to regret this.

Clicking the indicator, he had a decidedly bad feeling as the button changed to _UPLOADING..._

\--

He squinted against the pale morning light, holding the mask over his face as he tagged a new line where his old one had ended. He’d gotten inspiration in a dream the night before, (stress always brought him wild nightmares) and the moment he’d woken up that morning he’d just had to come out and make the adjustment.

He stood from his crouch, holding out a thumb and eyeing the mural. He was really liking this one, even if the location was one of the city’s less descript alleyways. The new addition was a flare of darkly-lined feathers bursting out from behind the cityscape he’d already been working on, as if viewed from above.

Of course, that was just one element to it. He could see influences from his friends all over—a repeating shape in shadow that looked like that piggy (he knew its name, but he would never let go of Piggy. Piggy was its street name;) a figure grinding the edge of one of the buildings that could have been any skateboarder, but paid a fair resemblance to Beat. There was a little cluster of bells that he only realized after painting them resembled Rhyme’s necklace. It was fine. They were as much a part of him as anything was, if not more. It was only natural they would find their way into his work.

Stylistically, he could admit the overall composition took inspiration from Cat. Not that he was trying to barge in on their turf, he was just...more than a little inspired by them, was all. He still held on to the little bit of fantasy that wondered if a piece like this might catch their attention.

_Yeah right. If Cat saw his stuff, they’d probably think one of the grade schoolers had done it._

He yelped as he caught sight of the time on his watch. _Shit—_ he was going to be late for lecture! He knew it was a bad idea to do this before class time; ugh, everyone was going to stare at him as he walked in and _uggghh he hated attention._

Stuffing his paint cans back in his back, he stripped off his gloves and his hoodie and freaking _booked it._

He caught the clock in the crossing as he made his way over—hey, maybe he could make it. He just hoped Shiki thought to block the door for him. His lit professor always locked it 3 minutes before class time. He just had to make it to Dogenzaka.

\--

Ten minutes of running later, and he almost cried as he pushed the closed lecture hall door and it slid open. Watching with one eye, he leaned forward waiting until the professor’s back was turned to slip inside. With his foot, he knocked the folded paper Shiki had stuck in the latch out of sight.

She gave him a look over her glasses as he slid in the far back row. “What took you so long? I almost couldn’t get the door without Mr. Hinohara seeing me.” She pushed her stuff over, making room.

“You’re a life saver,” he panted, digging his stuff out of his bag as quietly as he could. “I owe you a cone at Sunshine.”

“You’d better,” she teased. They both froze as the eagle eye of Seiko Hinohara passed over his students, relaxing as he turned away. She leaned forward. “Are you still up for modeling for us on Wednesday?”

“Sure thing,” he said, before hesitating. “...what, exactly, are we doing this time?”

“No skirts,” Shiki chirped cheerfully, but the wink she gave him out of the corner of her eye crushed his hopes that that was all there was to it.

He sighed. _Just...not the maid outfits again._ The news that Shiki and Eri’s up-in-coming brand had gotten a collab with Lapin Angelique had been one of the most ominous pieces of good news he had ever received. He still had nightmares about black velvet and lace _. Yeesh._

He jumped as a familiar tone sudden bleeped from his phone—Twister, the song that had been his personal earworm for the last three years. It was a bop.

And also, pretty distinctive, since he never changed it.

Professor Hinohara slowly turned like a B-movie monster at the end of a hallway, and Neku scrambled to hit the off button. “Mr. Sakuraba,” he said, and Neku grimaced. “Nice of you to join us. Funny, I thought I had locked that door—I believe you’re aware I don’t appreciate interruptions in my lectures.”

“Sorry, Professor,” he winced as giggles sounded from around the hall. _Yeah, yeah. Get over it. What are you, twelve_? God, sometimes he hated people _._ “Won’t happen again.”

As the professor finished giving him the evil eye and turned back to his work, Neku scowled, looking back at his phone. Who the heck was calling him this early in the morning? Everybody who knew him knew he had class at this time. _Ugh, if the freaking_ _telemarketers are calling this early—_

His brow furrowed.

Yeah, he didn’t recognize the number, but there was a notification that seemed to have come in at the same time. Of at least, Neku hadn’t noticed it when he’d seen the time earlier.

_Oh no._ His stomach gave an uneasy twist as he noticed the heart icon next to it. It’s from that creep escort site. He read the message, and he frowned, his heart giving a lurch. _I got a hit already_? He’d only posted the damn thing a few hours ago. His winced, imagining some creeper scoping him out in the early hours of dawn.

He looked up and froze as he saw Shiki frowning at him. “What’s wrong?” she whispered.

He shook his head, heart pounding. “Nothing.” He put the phone back down beside himself.

But now he was curious.

Out of the corner of his eye, he subtly flicked at the options on his phone, opening up the site. Sure enough, there was a little **(1) **beside the messages box. He clicked it open.

He...honestly hadn’t thought he’d get any hits. He didn’t know whether to be flattered or creeped out. What kind of person would have been interested in him?

The message in the box didn’t have a profile picture. The only picture in the icon was a moody shot of piano keys—so basically, some pretty pretentious bullshit for someone who had to pay people to spend time with them. His gaze scanned over the message in the box, his frown deepening as he read on.

**_What a charmer. With a profile like that, I simply have to meet you. I can compensate you handsomely for your time. If you’re interested, come to..._ **

Neku was shocked to see that they’d just given their address out front. _Damn, that’s cocky. Practically an invite for some opportunist to go rob the place._

Unless that was the point. He rubbed at the hints of paint at the ends of his fingers—Shiki was going to get pissed at him for leaving rubbings all over the desk. That was the kind of thing that made him most nervous about this whole thing—he heard horror stories all the time of people getting offers or just meeting people that seemed to be too good to be true, and then getting abducted or killed or sold off into human trafficking.

The message finished with a time block.

**_Hope to see you soon._ ** **♥**

Something about the message just...nagged at him. They didn’t even say if they’re a man or a woman. He knew basically nothing about this person, and they just wanted him to show up to their house right away? That seemed really questionable.

Bothered, more than he probably should be, he just couldn’t hit the delete button without saying something to this guy (in an ungendered sense. Damn, they really couldn’t be bothered to provide such basic information? Come _on_.)

Against his better judgement, he opened up the messenger to reply.

**_Good job telling me basically nothing about you. You didn’t even mention if you’re a man or a woman. If you expect me to just show up to your place on that little information, you’ve got another thing coming. Bye, creep._ **

He sent it off, deleting creep #1 and turning his eyes back to the front for whatever Hinohara had to say about _Genji_ with a sense of satisfaction.

He felt a vibration against his leg only moments later. Oh, come on.

He flipped the phone over.

...it was _Partner Select_ again.

Shooting Hinohara a glance, he opened it.

The same user, returning his message. **_Oh, dear. You didn’t even bother to read my profile? I’m hurt. Take a look. Obviously, you’re curious, or you wouldn’t have mentioned the lack of information. Am I right?_**

Neku hissed under his breath. Was that a thing he was supposed to do? It wasn’t like he knew anything about this kind of crap. Oh, and this piece of work was arrogant.

**_Maybe I just think you’re a creep._ **

Reluctantly, he opened the user’s page— _ContentiousPolyphony._ The level of pretention made him want to gag. His was _guywiththephones._

Still no picture. Just some stats.

From what the guy (confirmed, guy) had down, he could tell that he was in the under 30 category, was a pianist (though, not to much of a leap there based on the guy’s picture,) and he lived in the Shibuya area. He was also a new user. That set off more red flags, but then again, there was the guy’s address right in the description. _He’s either really stupid or reckless._

**_That’s possible,_ ** _the phone pinged as the guy responded. **But I promise I’m on the up and up.**_

**_I’m sure that’s what all the serial killers say._ **

_Also, who calls for this kind of thing this early in the morning?_ He wanted to give the guy a piece of his mind about the hour, but it was irrelevant because after he wrapped up this conversation he was _not going to be talking to this guy again._

He was caught off guard as the guy responded ** _, Oh, you really are cute. If you’re truly so concerned, tell someone you’re coming. I’m not afraid of someone knowing if you’re not. If you don’t check in with them every set period of time, they call the police._**

That was...a surprisingly effective solution.

Impatiently, the guy sent one more message. **_I can compensate you far above your asking price, if you’re worried about being stiffed. The money’s not an issue. You’re the only one who’s caught my eye on this website so far, though, and I’d hate to continue fishing. My information is in the original messages, as I stated before. If you don’t show up, I’ll consider this a closed venture._**

Neku’s fingers tightened around the pencil in his other hand. Something about this guy just...got his hackles up. Even so, though, a part of him did want to go check this guy out, if only to see what kind of pompous douchebag came up with stuff like _this._

Hesitantly, he leaned a little closer to Shiki. “Hey,” he said. “Could you do me a favor?”

Shiki’s warm brown eyes flicked up from her paper, where she had been sketching a frilly-sleeved shirt in the margins of her notes. “Hm? Yeah, of course. What is it?”

He paused. “...I was thinking about meet up with someone I met online for some potential work, but it seems kind of shady.” True enough. “If I needed you too, would you be able to watch for me to message you? I just want to make sure the guy’s not a psychopath.”

Her eyebrows flew up. “Um? Yeah, sure!” She tilted her head. “You’ve got to tell me how it goes, though! That’s exciting!”

He was caught off-guard, before he realized she probably thought he was talking about his art. “Oh, yeah, uh. Sure.”

Shiki smiled, shooting him a quick thumbs-up before snapping back to the lecture.

Sighing, knowing he was only digging himself in deeper, he turned irritated back to the messenger. **_You know_** **_I’m not going to fuck you right_**

The guy said, **_I can read, thank you._** Then, **_If you show up, don’t be late._**

Then, silence. It seemed the guy was done with him.

Neku was startled as the people around him started getting up.

At the front, Professor Hinohara was saying, “...attention, as this will be on the quiz on Friday. Don’t forget your reports.”

Neku’s mouth dropped open. _No way_ had he arguing with this guy _the entire class. So much for class. Dammit—I didn’t catch any of that._ He scowled at his phone. _That asshole distracted me._

Shiki blinked, pulling her bag over her shoulder. “You okay, Neku?”

He shook his head. “Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.” _Just making poor life choices, once again._ If he hadn’t met Shiki, Beat, and Rhyme while he was in high school, he had no idea where he might have ended up. He gave her a short nod. “Hey, I’ll talk to you later, okay? Thanks again.”

She peered back at him.. “No prob. Just remember to fill me in on this mysterious job, okay Neku?” She waggled her eyebrows, before giggling, waving a hand back at him. “See ya!”

“Yeah, yeah,” he mumbled, watching her go with a fond look. _Not if I can help it._

The second his best friend was out of sight, he remembered what they’d been talking about in the first place and stared down at his phone in irritation. _Oh, yeah. This guy._

Tracing back through the website, he found his archived messages with the time the guy wanted. He peered at the address with distain.

He had told the guy straight up he wasn’t interested. So what if the money was stupidly good? That didn’t matter. He wasn’t going to compromise his dignity for a little extra cash, was he?

He looked at the price he’d set again.

_I can compensate you far above your asking price._

He sighed.

Yes. Yes, as a matter of fact, he was.

_Dammit._

He saved the address and put his phone away.

There went his Saturday _._


	2. The Selling Price of Your Self-Respect

Neku stared up at the apartment building with a sense of dread.

It was a higher-end place—all sleek, clean paint and art-deco window fixtures that made it look like something straight out of his mom’s romance novels. _It_ looks _like the home of a snotty rich guy._ Neku was half-expecting to get there and find the address belonged to a back alley. This should have been encouraging, maybe, but he was still as apprehensive as he had ever been.

Peering back down, he pulled his phone from his pocket. **_Hey Shiki just arrived,_** he typed out quickly.

**_I'll look out for a check-in! good luck!_** She shot back.

His gaze rose to the door, and he took a deep breath. _Might as well get on with this._ The sooner he got inside and saw how much of a stupid idea this was, the sooner he could get home and get back to his Saturday.

Stepping forward, he knocked on the door and waited.

A moment later, the door swung open.

The man standing on the other side looked like a damned Yakuza. Dark, eye-obscuring sunglasses and long, dark hair over a suit he would only ever associate with a pimp. His heart jumped with panic— _oh, shit, it actually is a trap! Good job, idiot—you're going to get sold to the highest bidder!_

The man raised an eyebrow at him, fingers coming up to comb pensively at the stubble on his chin. "I was just leaving," he said, and the whirlwind of _oh **hell** no_ Neku's brain had suddenly been thrust into abruptly stopped. The man eyed him as he stepped back and held the door open. "He said he was expecting someone, but I hadn't imagined…" he trailed off, beginning to shake his head and a grin worked onto his face. "…he's waiting for you on the top floor."

Neku moved past the man, relieved that that guy wasn't his client but also feeling like he'd passed the point of no return. He turned his gaze back to the interior.

The top— _of course_ he was. What had looked like a cozy townhouse revealed itself to actually be a crisp, modern loft. Thing had to be three floors— _of course_ he would make him come up all the way to the top. Still, the place was pinging even more _rich rich rich_ radars in Neku's mind than before, so that was one plus. Everything was in soft grays and whites; it looked nice, but it seemed to lack in personality. The only exception was a painting on the back wall, which was a sort of rainbow gradiated abstract shape in the middle of a square, white canvas. It…was pretty nice, actually.

He didn't like that he was going to be so far from the door, though.

He climbed the steps, being as noisy as possible in retribution. When he got to the top, he didn't see anybody immediately, but he did hear something.

It was floating from the back of the upper loft: the gentle ebb and flow of a melody on piano. A surreal feeling hit him— _that's him_. He knew the guy played, but there was a slight shock of realization that he was here, in the flesh, an actual person.

A person who’d been scoping out skivvy websites for arm candy.

Jesus. What had he gotten himself into?

Disregarding the creep factor, the quality of the music surprised him. This guy was _good_. It was the kind of sound that made him feel as though he had heard it before. Neku considered himself a music guy, and although he wasn’t big on piano specifically, he knew enough to acknowledge the skill needed to coax out that nostalgic feeling.

It was coming from the back room.

Cautiously, he moved towards the room, then peered inside. Somehow, the curtain fluttering in the open window caught his attention first—maybe because the person at the piano was so still.

Piano guy didn’t turn to look at him. His gaze was focused on the keys, attention almost trance-like. His fingers plucked and glided over the keys with a sort of effortless grace, and Neku was hit with the distinct impression that this was all for show. Maybe the whole set-up, luring him to the back room. Maybe the fluttering curtain.

Oh yeah. The needless dramatics pretty much lined up with the conclusion he had already come to:

His client was a dick.

His client was slender and had ash-blond hair. His lips held the bare hint of a smirk, and he was wearing—was that a fucking house coat? Who in this century wore a kimono-style house coat unironically? Rich assholes, that’s who.

Also, this guy couldn’t be much older than him. It should have been a relief, as he wasn’t dealing with some crusty old hermit playing catfish, but somehow it just annoyed him. What was this guy’s deal? Did he get off on paying off his lower-class peers to do his bidding? Why would something their age even be on that website?

He stood back, waiting for the guy to say something. He stuffed his hands in his pockets. After several increasingly irritated moments of being ignored, he shuffled forward. “Hey,” he said. “I’m here, I guess.”

The guy still didn’t look up at him, but there was a change in his posture. He raised an eyebrow and continued playing. “As I see,” he said, and _oh,_ Neku didn’t like that tone already. High, and matter-of-fact. Like he thought he knew how to put you in your place. The guy rolled his shoulders back. “Though, I believe I mentioned how vital it was that you arrived on time.”

Neku frowned. “I did,” he argued. “It. Just took me a second to work up the nerve to knock.”

The guy _smiled._

“Well, I suppose I can forgive you this one time—"

The guy primly removed his hands from the keyboard mid-line, which, really? That irked him; _why not just finish the line—_

“—but I’ll expect a better performance in the future.” The guy turned, elegantly tucking his legs to the other side of the piano bench as he spun towards Neku. He shuttered his eyes—Neku froze at how blatantly flirtatious it was, remembering why he’d been called here. He was going to have to shut that shit down _fast_. “So? Your worries of my being a serial killer assuaged yet?”

Neku narrowed his eyes. “Undecided,” he grumbled, stepping back as the guy stood. At full height, the guy was a little taller than him, but had none of the muscle. With what he could make out beneath the housecoat, guy was built like a Nishi doll. Folding his arms, Neku uncomfortably shot a thumb back down towards the stairs. “With the look of your guy that came down before me, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were running a crime ring.”

His...ugh. Client? His client’s eyes brightened with mirth. “Oh, my conductor? Mm, interesting. Not sure how he would feel about hearing he’s ‘my guy.’ Though...I can’t say I’ve never considered it.” He waved a hand as he passed him. “Come.”

Neku grit his teeth. _Does this guy think I’m a dog?_ Still, the words caught up to him as the guy walked past him. “Wait, ‘conductor?’ That guy’s a musician?”

His ‘client’ turned back to him with a coy smile. Nonchalantly, he said, “He’s head of the music department in my program.”

Neku was floored, forced to trail after the guy as he slunk back down the steps. _That guy? Instruments of torture, maybe_. “ _Hey_ —where are we going?” He threw out frowning as they hit the second set of stairs _. Why make me come up if he was just going to come down anyways?! Did he just want to show off?_

The man brushed his hair behind his ear, turning smoothly into the little kitchen nook. “We’re discussing your terms, of course. Do keep up. I’m putting on some coffee.”

Neku stopped short in the kitchen’s entrance. “My terms? Uh, I haven’t agreed to anything.”

His client leaned casually atop the island at the kitchen's center. The pose reminded him of the stupid house robe, where the collar slipped just slightly to show off a swath of the guy's pale chest. It was absolutely intentional. "If you showed up, I have to imagine you're at least a little bit curious about my offer."

Neku grumbled. "I wish you'd just get on with it."

The guy's brow gave an irritated quirk. He sighed. "No patience at all. You know, you really should be more courteous to the person who might be paying your bills soon."

Neku crossed his arms. "Maybe I would, if you'd bother being straight-forward at all." _Seems like I've just been following this guy around for the past fifteen minutes, and he still hasn't given me anything._ "For one thing, I still don't know your name. And thinking of you as 'this guy' in my head is getting tedious."

The words seemed to give the guy (ugh) pause. He quirked his head, gaze askance. "You…don't know who I am?"

Neku rolled his eyes. "No. Should I?"

Slowly, the man straightened, his hip propped against the island as the sound of coffee percolating picked up in the background. He seemed to consider a moment before answering. "Hm. You can call me Joshua, then."

"Joshua," He repeated. Huh. A little weird in Japan, but it kind of suited him. It was soft. He even sounded like a poff. "Fine, then."

Joshua took a breath, gaze moving back to him. His eyes were startling—he'd never met anyone with violet eyes before. That was some kind of…blue eyed mutation, wasn't it? He said, "Are you going to return the favor, or…?"

_Oh._ He coughed. Okay, that was fair. "My name is Neku," he said. "Forgive me if I don't offer my surname."

Joshua waved a hand. "I wouldn't ask you to. I suppose, then, Neku, you're wondering what I would be asking for in this little venture, hm?"

_Just spit it out_. "That would be nice to know."

Joshua took a cup of coffee, not offering any to Neku—he wouldn't have drank it anyways; it was probably drugged—and moved just beside them into a little den to sit. Neku started to join him when he caught sight of the time on the kitchen stove. _Damn, already?_ He pulled his phone out and shot Shiki a text.

**_Still alive. It was a black hairband with purple lace._ **

Shiki shot back immediately, ** _Hehe, how could I forget? Check-in 1, complete!_** Then, after a second, ** _Careful about the time, btw. I almost called you._**

**_Sorry. Thanks._ **

He tucked the phone back in his pocket, and on the couch, he saw a sprawled Joshua smirking. "Took my advice, then?"

"It was the first helpful thing you said. I was basically grasping for crumbs at that point."

Joshua had propped his long legs up on the couch, one folded atop the other, which forced Neku to take the loveseat. "So. The arrangement."

Neku leaned forward on his knees. "I'm listening."

The other man peered over him appraisingly. "Basically," he said finally once Neku felt thoroughly violated, "I want you to be my all-encompassing companion. My…partner, to borrow the site's vocabulary."

And there was that knot in his stomach again. "And what does that mean?" He shifted in his seat. "…you know I said…"

Joshua waved him off. "I know, I know. _No sex_. My goodness you are touchy about that. No, what I'm looking for would be nothing so…" He looked him up and down again; Neku sat back self-consciously. "…extreme."

Neku pursed his lips. "Okay…?"

The pianist leaned forward. "I need someone to accompany me in my daily proceedings and help out where needed. I'm a busy guy, Neku—as a student, I'm sure you understand. Food, light groceries, running errands…perhaps a social outing or two if the whim strikes," He finished his spiel with a purr, propping his chin on his knuckle.

Neku frowned. 'Social outings.' _So, dates then_. He had suspected requirements like that when he had signed up for the site, but it still made him nervous to hear it.

"I need you to be my go-to guy for any and all. Pretty simple concept, don't you think, Neku?"

Neku said, "It _sounds_ like what you need is an assistant. And a chef. And a maid. With a place like this, I'd bet that you could afford it." He eyed Joshua suspiciously. "Why look for someone on a site like that when you could find a hiring agency in a couple minutes?"

He watched as Joshua leaned back, flicking his wrist. "Sure, I could hire all of those positions. But systems like that don't account for personality. I wanted to pick someone who could keep my interest." The man shot him a coquettish smile— _yikes,_ he didn't think that was a thing people actually did. This guy was a piece of work. He had to admit, the forwardness did make his heart pick up with nerves. "Plus, it's not a requirement for maids or chefs to talk to me. And I _do_ so value conversation."

Neku stared across at him. As much as this guy annoyed him, it was a more reasonable list of requirements than he had been anticipating. Carefully, he said, "If I could have worked as a grocery service, I would have. I don't have a car."

Joshua smiled like he was winning at chess. "Not a problem. I can provide one."

_Jesus._ "I have to work around my schedule. You calling me early in the morning like yesterday can't happen. You nearly got me in trouble." The thought voiced itself without his permission. _Hold on, wait a minute, he wasn't actually buying this, right?_

The man's violet eyes glinted. "Oh, dear. No, we certainly wouldn't want anything like _that_ to happen, now would we?" His voice said _try me._

Neku inhaled. Exhaled. "You said you could pay me above my rate. How much?"

Joshua didn't hesitate. "¥800,000.00 per month."

The number was a smack to the face. Neku straightened, gaze wandering the crisp, pretentious loft as he tried come to terms with _holy shit that's a lot of money_. He swallowed. "I'm not stupid enough to go into this thing without a contract." Was he actually doing this? It seemed like a rash decision, but the money made his head spin.

Josh narrowed his eyes. "I wouldn't expect any less, dear." Rising to stand, he moved over to a standing glass table near the door—an innocuous stack of papers were already sitting there. _No Way._ “I believe this will suit our purposes."

He shot Joshua an indignant look—oh, he just had this ready? No discussion of terms, just take it or leave it? That was dangerous.

"Feel free to read it over as thoroughly as you like," Joshua's voice spoke softly from behind him, and Neku tensed at the realization that the guy was watching right over his shoulder. The hair on the back of his neck stood up—he could feel the warmth from the other body so close to his, and he could smell a faint perfume. Some kind of light cologne, probably. Only a self-absorbed douche would wear expensive cologne for lounging around the house.

He clenched his knuckles at the side of the table, narrowing his eyes. Not trying to fuck him _his ass._

He was going to read this whole damned thing forwards and backwards, whether this weirdo was trying to intimidate him or not.

…at least the cologne smelled good.

As he read it through, his grip on the table slowly loosened. Okay. So even though the guy was a presumptuous ass, he had, apparently, been paying attention to Neku's messages online. There was an aside about making accommodations for Neku's school schedule despite the call the previous morning. It mentioned cooking, cleaning, chores, running errands, attending events, and basically asking 'how high' when Joshua said 'jump.'

Most importantly, there was nothing, absolutely _nothing_ that mentioned or could even be construed as _sex_. Neku was expecting it to be a carefully crafted trap, but the whole deal seemed shockingly reasonable, even for having been conceived by this douche.

As he neared the end, though, Joshua gave a soft noise behind him and interrupted his reading. "Mm. There is one little caveat I must insist upon."

Neku knew immediately what he was talking about when he saw it. "I'm bound to the contract for at least _a month?"_

Joshua finally pulled back from him, and Neku was grateful for being able to breathe without the other boy's scent in his lungs. He shrugged. "I have to protect me investment, right? You understand. Have to get my money's worth just in case you decide you'd rather vamoose." He made a little walk-y motion with his fingers.

Neku took a step away from the table. He shot Joshua a look. "You understand why that looks sketchy to me, right?"

"Read on," Joshua said boredly.

Neku turned his eyes back to the paper. After a few lines, he found what Joshua had wanted him to see. "If pre-contractual boundaries agreed upon are broken, this likewise constitutes a breach of contract and the contract would thus be rendered null and void," he read aloud. _So there is a way out, if I think he's getting too handsy. That…did ease his mind a bit._

"So, if you feel your maidenly virtue is being threatened, you're free to go," Joshua quipped. After a pause, he mused flatly, "You know? You're awfully chaste for a whore."

Neku winced. "I need the money," he snapped. "I've never done this before."

"Uh huh." Joshua's gaze had become focused on his nails, but Neku could see it was a front. "So? What's the verdict, then, _partner_?"

Neku took a breath. _800,000¥._ That was insane. He would have to be crazy to pass it up.

Still.

There had to be a catch.

Joshua had sidled up close to him again, and he didn't look up. He could feel the strange violet gaze boring into him. "Come on," the other guy purred. "I don't bite. Unless asked, of course."

Moving to the table, he finished the few lines remaining on the sheet, then flipped it over, just to make sure.

Then, in a bitter motion, he wrote his name.

Turning back, he found Joshua looking all too satisfied. He sighed. "Alright. When do I start?"

Joshua clapped sharply. "Excellent. How about tomorrow?" Neku very carefully didn't pull away as the guy wrapped an arm around his shoulder, steering him towards the door. "I have some business that needs done. I also need your school and work schedules, _on the double, sir!"_ He grinned sharply. "See that you bring them."

Neku dug his heels in. "What? That's it?"

"That's it," Joshua chirped, disregarding his efforts to get an explanation as he opened the front door, nudging him out on the stoop. Just as Neku thought the prick was about the slam the door in his face, Joshua paused, leaning just in the doorway. His eyes became lidded, and he stared out at Neku with palpable invitation. It seemed to thicken the air. "Unless…you _wanted_ to stay?"

Caught in the abrupt tonal shift, all Neku could think to do was to jolt and shake his head, pinned under the man's intention.

In response, Joshua stared at him a moment, expression unreadable. Then, he giggled. "Well then! I'll see you in the morning, partner."

And _then_ he closed the door.

…Neku was going to hate this.


	3. Made to Order

Neku was awoken the next morning at far too freaking early. On Sundays, he usually slept in, as he didn't have his shift with Beat at the Ramen shop until later in the day and it was his only opportunity during the week to catch up on missed sleep. Normally, he'd get up around ten and hang out with Shiki to do homework, or go out to work on one of his tags before he had to go into Ramen Don.

Not today, though.

It was 8:32 AM when his phone went off.

Neku groaned, pulling a pillow off his already radically destroyed spikes. He already knew who it was, and he snatched the phone off his apartment dresser with a level of venom reserved for rich assholes who wanted to seduce him. One look at the phone confirmed his suspicions. _God dammit._

To Joshua's merit, he hadn't called. The text notification was enough to stir up the annoyance of the previous day all on its own, though.

**_Morning dear! I think we should get…_ **

He noticed with a sense of momentary bafflement that the text came through with a contact photo. Not super weird in and of itself, except that those could only be set from the receiver's side. Somehow, when he'd been distracted yesterday, the asshole had gotten ahold of his phone.

It had obviously been taken in the moment, as he was wearing what he had been the previous day. Joshua shot a coy look at the camera from just over Neku's shoulder…when he'd gotten all cozied up to him as Neku was reading over the contract. _Figures._ Something about the way the delicate fingers of his other visible hand curled over Neku's shoulder made something stutter inside him, uneasy and a little flustered. _Ugh, did it have to look so intimate?_

Groaning, he sat up, hair in his eyes. He opened the message the rest of the way.

**_…started bright and early, partner. You won't be very much good to me if you can't get used to my hectic schedule, don't you think?_ **

**_Stay off of my phone._ **

Joshua, the creep, must have been poised over his phone, waiting for his attention. _So much for a busy schedule. **There he is! Morning, sunshine. Didn't like my little gift? I think it's a lovely photo. Really shows off your shoulders, you know.**_

**_I have my other job this afternoon._ **

**_Then we'll just have to be quick, won't we?_ **

Neku narrowed his gaze at his phone. _How did he manage to make that sound dirty through text?_

**_See you soon._ **

Reluctantly, Neku headed out after taking a shower and taming the residual bed-head as much as possible. He was about half-way there when he got another text.

**_Actually, I'm feeling breakfast. A pick-up isn't too much to ask, is it? That little bun place on Juniso-Dori sounds lovely._ **

He stopped on the sidewalk. It wouldn't be, if he had given Neku any money. Also, if he wasn't already well past Juniso-Dori by the time the text came in. He was going to have to backtrack at least a couple blocks and then wait in line _. Great._

Almost as though he could sense his reluctance through the phone, Joshua wrote again. **_Off you go! Chop chop!_**

Neku scowled. Man, he hated this guy.

Almost forty minutes later, once he had gone back, bought the buns (with his own rent; _Thanks, Joshua_ ,) and made his way back to the loft, he entered the pad without any trouble. Honestly, he was surprised that a place like this didn't have better security _. Just another way this guy is asking to get robbed._

He climbed the stairs to the second floor, and he found Joshua in a little study area, speaking smoothly into a phone receiver with an irritated look on his face. "—of course not," he said sharply, taking the bag Neku offered him but not bothering to meet his eyes. "I just don't think it's unreasonable to want to hold off, given the circumstances." A pause.

Neku took a seat, hunched over on the couch as he waited for whatever Joshua was distracted by to be completed. He took a bite of his own bun, watching the man elegantly reclined in his office chair.

He straightened as Joshua's tone became harder, saying, "No I don't want to skip on this one. I've been working on it all year. Look, I know you've made delays before; you did for that girl with the violin last year when she actually…I know there are others, but…"

Neku took careful bites of his bun, narrowing his eyes.

Whatever Joshua was talking about, it must have really been getting to him. Their interactions so far had found the man entirely composed—annoyingly so. But Joshua's hand flexed and unflexed on the chair arm in irritation, the stony look in his eyes as he stared unseeingly forward as he finished his conversation. _Wonder who’s able to rile this guy._

"…fine," Joshua said finally. He clenched his jaw, quirking his head to the side before he finished, "I'll get back to you." He disconnected the call with an audible click, bringing a hand to his face to brush his hair out of the way.

"…what was that about?" Neku hadn't really intended to ask, the question coming out almost instinctually as the silence stretched on. It wasn't like he cared what this guy was up to. Still, he couldn't help but be a little curious.

Joshua gave the most dramatic sigh, unfolding the paper of the bun bag. "The Event coordinator for my program is being unreasonable. I've explained this to them over and over, and they still…" he trailed off, digging out a soft white bun from inside the bag to tear it in two, eating it gingerly over his expensive-looking button-up (Neku never thought he'd be so grateful to see a shirt. Even if the collar was tastefully unbuttoned perhaps one button too far. Still, at least the man's mile-long legs were completely covered.)

 _Huh_. "That's right," he said. "You did say you had a music program, right?"

Joshua blew the stray lock of hair away that always seemed to hang artfully in his face (Neku would bet it was a choice.) He quirked a brow. "Well, I'm _in_ one," he said. "I'm working on my thesis nearby."

 _He's a student?_ Neku lowered the bun from his mouth, recalling the guy from the previous day. _What kind of student has the head of the music department coming to his pad?_

His eyes widened. _Unless he's sleeping with him_. He sat up, the thought feeling like a revelation. _Holy shit, he might be._ Everything he knew about Joshua up to that point indicated that he was exactly the type to seduce someone to get his way. The thought quickly descended into mental images of Shades the Yakuza and Joshua, his asshole boss, in a variety of compromising and intimate positions, and he nearly dropped his bun as he felt heat rush his face.

…then he remembered Joshua's comment the prior day about having _'thought about it before_ ,' and he hushed his beating heart. _Maybe not, then. Jeez, where did that come from?!_

He looked up and jumped to see Joshua peering over to him with visible intrigue, bun polished off and bag carefully folded in his lap. His eyes were practically sparkling with mirth. " _Oh-ho_. What were _you_ thinking about? That was quite the expression."

 _And that just made it worse._ Out of spite he rapidly pushed down the heat in his face. "I was thinking about being able to leave. Now, what am I here for?"

Joshua watched him for a moment before standing. "I have some errands to run," he said, moving down the steps to the kitchen to wash his hands as Neku jumped up to follow him. "It would be nice to have a companion. Shouldn't take too long, dear."

"Okay," Neku said, throwing away his own bag in the paper recycling. "Where are we going?" He waited for the other man to answer he watched Joshua pull on a scarf and coat (was that _Dragon Couture? Holy shit_.) "And I _did_ have to use my own money earlier, by the way."

Joshua, seamlessly grabbed his wallet off a bookcase by the door (he gave the place another week before it got robbed) and opened it up. Without hesitation, he pulled out three 10,000 yen bills and handed them over. Neku took the money with a sense of surprise, but Joshua quickly brought him back down to reality. "Don't get too excited, partner. I want you to keep two of those in case I need you to pick something up for me." Joshua smiled sly at him from the cover of his scarf, eyes as vibrant and full of implication as always. "Consider the rest a reward for doing what you're told."

Neku took a deep breath.

_Don'tpunchhimdon'tpunchhimIknowhethinksyou'readogbuttakethemoneyanddon'tpunchhim._

This was going to be a trial on his self-restraint, he could already tell.

Shopping. Something Neku didn't particularly like doing in the first place, and only put up with for Shiki sometimes when she got particularly excited about the new trends. He used to be completely ignorant of anything that wasn't J of the M, but Shiki's passion for the subject meant that he had become someone knowledgeable in an effort to keep up with her in conversation.

Not to mention that fact that Eri would disown him from the friend group if he ever asked what the neighborhood mattered for when you were deciding what to wear for the day.

Shopping with Joshua, it turned out, was an entirely different beast.

Neku wasn't sure what to do except stand around being scrutinized by overly posh sales clerks as Joshua passed in and out of the dressing rooms, for some reason asking for _his_ opinion. _Like I know anything about threads like these. No wonder he can afford the contract! These are insane._

Any it wasn't as though he was just shopping for regular clothes, either.

"Here."

Neku turned to see Joshua emerge again, a soft blue dress silk shirt with pinstripes tucked into a fitted pair of gray slacks.

Joshua gave a partial turn, showing off each side. "What do you think? Give me your honest opinion."

It was a good look on him, sure, but Neku would be more impressed if he hadn't already seen four other combinations. Joshua, the lucky bastard, was the kind of guy who could pull off just about anything. So why was he even here? "It looks fine," he said, shrugging. The pants, he noticed, rather than being a straight-leg, seemed fitted to accentuate the other guy's ass. Maybe that was the underlying plot, then—to get Neku's attention on him again. It wouldn't surprise him. Still, this was tiring.

Guy was kind of an attention whore.

But Joshua frowned, leaning in the doorway to clutch onto one side. He said, "You're not being very helpful, here."

Neku frowned. "I don't know what you want from me."

The man's frown deepened, and he shot a look towards the sales people, who had busied themselves with stocking once they realized that Joshua wasn't interested in their opinions. Before Neku realized what was happening, Joshua had reached forward and yanked him into the fitting room by the collar of his shirt.

Neku yelped, but Joshua furrowed his brows and shushed him, bringing a finger to his lips. "Hush," he whispered. "Stall the dramatics before the sales staff kick us out."

Neku sputtered. " _You're the one who pulled me in the damned room,"_ he hissed.

"Oh, deal with it," Joshua huffed. "Now. Pay attention."

He caught one of Neku's hands, without pretense, brought it to his chest.

_Okay, what the hell?_

But then Joshua worked his fingers in between Neku's, coaxing him to extend his pointer finger. "Here," he whispered, bringing the finger to the shirt's buttoned edge. There was a tiny strip of a finer silk along the edge, and Neku lost his protests to speechlessness as Joshua dragged his finger down the silk. "You see? It's a more refined detail, but you wouldn't notice it at a distance." As he spoke, the irritation in Joshua's voice smoothed, and he continued on at a murmur.

Neku's guided touch was continued down to the end, where the high-rise cut of the slacks wrapped around Joshua's waist. Neku wordlessly let his hand be manipulated, tensing when his fingers were brought to the button. "And here," Joshua said. "They've used Mother of Pearl for the button, but they've put a ring of gold through the center." He paused, and Neku was vividly aware of how close the man had brought him. He could feel the heat of Joshua's body in front of his, the confined space of the fitting room heavy with possibility. He was hyper aware of the fact his fingers were poised on the button of the other man's pants.

Nerves firing hot, Neku hesitantly brought his eyes up from the button.

As he expected, Joshua's lidded eyes peered back at him curiously, almost seeming to ask what he would do. Neku brought his hand up to grab onto Joshua wrist, wrenching his controlling grip off his other hand, but he didn't let go again. A part of him urged him to retaliate for the nerve of Joshua's move, but he still held the hand away. He was almost afraid to know what might happen if he let this guy's hands on him again. For...no…particular reason.

Watching him, Joshua asked, _"Now_. What would you say about someone who picked details like those?"

It took a second for the question to catch up to him, before he remembered what they were talking about. _The pants and shirt. Really? Are you just going to play it off—_

But then a thought occurred to him, and he paused. He said, with a sudden clarity, "I would say they were trying too hard."

Joshua let out a sudden and overwrought sigh, primly unlocking the door and shoving Neku outside. "That was _exactly_ my thought. It's way too much." He shrugged, brushing at the lapels of the dress shirt in disgust.

Neku swallowed, trying to recover as the sales staff peered around the corner. He watched the other student fluctuate between options, annoyance furrowing his pale brow. He took another look at the things Joshua had picked—they were all way fancier than anyone would wear just casually. After a moment of consideration, he said, "...keep the pants. With the white shirt." He gestured to one of the ones in Joshua's hands—it was just cotton, but clearly high quality and well-tailored. It was the kind of thing Shiki would have cooed over. "It's clean. And the button doesn't stick out as much with the white. The pants were..." He coughed, looking away. "They. They fit well."

He looked back to see Joshua's eyebrows risen, holding the two up with a considering look. After a moment, he nodded shortly, turning to Neku with a smile. "Thank you, Neku. That's _very_ helpful." He moved to hang the other options back on the collection rack.

As Joshua came out, no longer acknowledging him though he looked much more satisfied, Neku fidgeted, a restlessness lingering under his skin. " _That's it?_ No explanation for what the hell that was?"

Joshua peered back at him, eyes mischievous. "I'm not sure what you mean, Neku," he purred. "If you thought something was happening there...well, I'm afraid that was entirely you."

Neku grit his teeth. _Bullshit._

Without further delay, he proceeded to the front desk where Neku nearly passed out when he saw the cost. "You're insane," he wheezed as Joshua nonchalantly handed over his card.

"You can't skimp on quality, dear," Joshua replied dryly, taking the bag. He looked at him. That smile was evil. "That's why I bought you, after all. One of a kind."

Neku balked at the frank admission, eyes leaping to the other people in the room. The closest saleslady, a refined looking blond woman, blinked over at him with sudden alarm. "Shut. Up." He hissed, grabbing onto Joshua's arm. "We're leaving."

As they exited the building into the autumn chill, Neku whipped around to face his 'boss.' " _Don't say shit like that in public,_ " Neku hissed furiously.

Joshua just brushed him off. "Fine, fine," he said, waving a hand. "Won't happen again."

Neku felt his anger falter, surprised to get an agreement so easily. Still simmering, he grumbled. "What was even the point of that, anyways? I saw your closet at the loft. You have to have a million shirts and pants."

He was surprised when a wrinkle of discomfort crossed Joshua's face. "…I needed something for my thesis performance," he explained. Neku watched his hands clench on the handle of the bags. Wryly, he admitted, "I know it doesn't really count, but taking care of this at least helps me _feel_ like I'm getting something done towards it. Like cleaning your room when you're getting ready to write a paper. Clearing the space. You see?" His strange, vibrant eyes seemed hazy as they peered into the middle distance.

 _That was…surprisingly candid._ Neku could kind of understand where he was coming from—he did that kind of thing all the time. He always sketched unrelated crap—stuff he was really interested in—for hours before he was able to get started on any assignments. He called it his ‘warm up. _’ Huh. And here I thought he was just looking to show off his bank account. Guess retail therapy really is a thing._

Still, as annoying as the guy was, he played beautifully. What was there to even procrastinate _about?_

His ‘client’ took a deep inhale, as though composing himself. Then, he turned his gaze back to Neku, shooting him a smile that looked forced. “I appreciate the help.”

Neku straightened _. So he does know how to show some gratitude. Color me shocked._ Unsure how to respond, he rubbed the sole of his shoe into the dirt, placing his hands in his pockets. “You’re welcome, I guess.” _Agh, why did I say that? No, he’s not!_

Oh, but Joshua looked ready to run with it. His smile beamed, all evil, and he held out his bag. “Lovely. Then you wouldn’t mind carrying this for me, would you, partner?”

Of course. It couldn’t have lasted for long.


	4. Secret Admirer

The next few days were quieter than Neku had anticipated.

He assumed after Joshua had woken him up on a Sunday morning that his life was about to become a non-stop barrage of the man's requests. He watched his phone after his shift at Ramen Don that evening with some anxiety, wondering if Joshua was about to come up with some menial task he needed Neku around for. But that didn't happen.

He attended classes Monday and Tuesday pleasantly without interruption, and by the time Tuesday evening finally came around he was ready to see his other friends again.

Shiki and Eri rented out the space in the auditorium in the evenings on days when no one was using it. Well, maybe "rented" was a little misleading—what they actually did was obsessively watch the art department's schedules for times when nobody had booked it, and then just showed up.

Shiki made a little happy noise as he entered the backstage area, ushering him over. "You made it!"

Neku shrugged off his bag. "'Course." He peered around at the folding table and the plethora of different thread and fabrics that littered all surfaces. "Man, you guys got busy early."

Eri pipped up from where she was attending several garment bags full of their projects. "Oh, yeah. Shiki convinced the bad group that today would be a good day to practice outside." Eri sigh dreamily, and Neku's brows rose, turning to Shiki, who blushed.

"That's devious," he said.

"Well, it is clear out, right?" She twirled one of the longer pieces of her dark hair around her finger. "Plus, it's sooo much better for modelling in here than in the sewing room."

"Oh my god yes _the lighting_ ," Eri gasped, and no sooner had done so than she grabbed Neku around the shoulders and steered him towards a bag. "Put this on first," she said.

Neku peered inside, bracing for the worst. He relaxed when he saw a shirt and pants inside. "What are these for, anyways?"

Shiki's eyes brightened. "We've been working on the spring collection! We've really had some breakthroughs."

He turned to look at them as he made his way towards the backstage, where he could strip in the curtains and pretend to have some modesty around these girls. (Who was he kidding? That was long gone.) "The Spring collection? Now?" It wasn't quite winter yet, but it was freezing for autumn.

Shiki placed her hands on her hips. "Well we can't very well create a spring collection _in the Spring,_ can we? By the time we got done, it would be over! These things take months, you know."

Fair, he guessed.

Neku eyed the dressing bag as he ducked into the folds of the curtains, checking with paranoia to make sure no one was around. Whenever he got dragged into these sessions, he couldn't help remembering the time, soon after he'd first met her, Shiki had herded him into an alley to repair the button on his pants. In broad daylight. For a couple seconds, he had thought a tiny, glasses-clad teenager was about to mug him.

At least they'd improved from that, he guessed.

He pulled one of the garments out, holding it up. _What even is this?_ "I still don't believe that you guys can't find any other male models for this kind of crap."

Eri cooed, "Oh, but Neku, you look so good in them!"

Neku _hmmed_ doubtfully. "Yeah?"

"Eh," Shiki responded through the curtain.

_Well, at least she's honest._

Still. He used to put up a big fuss about this kind of thing, but it had really more become just a thing that they did now. It was a chance for him to catch up with Shiki now that their schedules were no longer so easy to intersect, what with the hectic requirements of university and the increased monopoly on her time Eri had obtained now that they were officially together and running a business. He didn't mind it.

He would put up with the poking and prodding if it meant he didn't have another friend drift away from him. Especially when he'd had such a difficult time finding people to relate to in the past. Shiki was, honestly, too good for him, so he considered himself lucky.

Once he was changed, he came out, and the two girls set upon him like wolves.

Shiki sighed dreamily. "Oh, the fit here turned out perfect…"

He ducked back as Eri leaned in to pick up the little cape thing on his back. "Look at it! Shiki, you're a genius." Eri leaned back, getting her jacket lining out of his face to actually look at him _like a person, and not a mannequin, you psychopaths._ Her warm brown eyes blinked at him. "We were so inspired by the prince's last photoshoot. The one with the cherry blossoms?"

Neku squinted. "…yeah. That one." He had no idea what they were talking about.

Shiki seemed to have gone off in dreamland too—leaning back against the worktable, she closed her eyes, eyelashes standing out darkly behind the clear lilac frames of her glasses. "We thought the look of the cherry blossoms in the snow really accentuated his ideal masculine beauty…we thought, _now, what would that look like in another season?_ And we riffed clothes off that idea!"

"Ideal masculine beauty…" Neku raised an eyebrow, reaching down to pull the silk away from his body. "If you say so." _Still don't get why you'd have a cape with a sleeveless shirt, but…_ he snorted, realizing what the style reminded of him of. He muttered to himself, "Bet Joshua would be all over this kind of thing…" _Just his brand of overdramatic._

He blinked. _Agh, why was he thinking about that guy?!_ He'd just been thinking that morning about how grateful he was not to have heard from him in a while.

As he looked up, he saw Shiki blinking over to him curiously. "Who's Joshua?"

Neku sighed, holding up his arms as she came over, examining the hem of his pants. Great. Now he'd done it; his stupid thoughts inviting in the exact questions he'd been hoping to avoid, the moment he'd set up that arrangement. _He's causing trouble, even now. Prick_. "Agh, he's just…you remember that job I was talking about? The one with the sketchy details?"

Shiki blinked up at him, eyes lighting with recognition. "Oh, yeah! You never did give me the details. How did that go?"

He still didn't totally feel comfortable telling Shiki what he'd signed up for, even if the outcome involved not selling his body. "I ended up making a long-term deal with the guy. From what we figure, it's going to go on for at least a month."

Shiki's eyes widened. "That's great!"

He shrugged "Anyway, that's him. I just thought he might wear something like this." He turned, catching a glimpse of the cape behind him. _He does like as much attention on himself as possible._

Shiki watched him for a moment, placing another pin. "Huh. You...don't seem very excited about it." She frowned, sitting back. "You usually get so hyped when you have a new project."

It took him a second to understand that she was talking about the job, not the shirt. _Oh boy._ Neku hissed through his teeth. _"Yeeeah,"_ he winced lowly. "The money's really good, but the guy's just really annoying. I don't know how I'm going to deal with him for a month."

"Oh, yikes," Eri chipped in, bringing over another bag to open it up. _Here comes round two._ "Why? Is he, like, trying to tell you what to do, or something?"

An image flashed in his mind of Joshua peering into his eyes, two breaths between them as Neku's fingers poised on the fly of the other guy's pants. Heat rushed to his face against his will, remembering the heaviness that had hung in the air and admitting that maybe, just a bit, with the circumstances, he had been a little bit turned on. He tried quickly to push it down. "Y-yeah," he finally spat out. "You could say that."

Eri called back to him, but apparently Shiki had been looking at him at the time and gave him a wide-eyed look, eyes sparkling with curiosity _oh no oh shit abort abort._ "Yeah," Eri sighed. "I hate that kind of thing. That's why me and Shiki always demand creative control when we're working with other people."

Shiki stood sharply, placing her hands on his shoulders and leaning in attentively _oh no oh God why_! "What's he like?" She asked, eyes focused on him with the upmost scrutiny.

Neku swallowed, leaning away to rub at the back of his neck. "I don't know. He's a couple years ahead of us."

"He's a student?"

"Yeah, in some kind of music program locally. Don't worry about him—he's just this pretty-boy rich kid. I just wish he'd get off my back."

"Hm." Shiki narrowed her eyes at him, Placing her hand on her chin. She reached over and grabbed the bag with the next outfit where Eri had just opened in. "Try this one."

"Ay-ay." He moved to the curtain again, trying to get into the next thing they had for him.

After a moment or so, Shiki's voice came to him through the curtain. "So, he's just bossy?"

Neku thought for a second. How could he even explain this without giving away the whole truth? He removed the pants, careful not to disturb the pins, and picked up the next pair. They were a silk-like material, with horizonal slate and silver stripes. _These are men's clothes?_ "Yeah, I guess," he said after a moment. "He's really condescending. And he's always hitting on me."

As he finished pulling on the pants and the shirt, a mint-colored, flowy one, he heard Shiki's voice come back through. But the new information hadn't fueled the fire of her romantic's heart the way he had anticipated. "...Neku," she asked softly. "I know you said the pay was good, but...this guy isn't trying to make you do stuff you're not comfortable with, is he?"

The question gave him pause, his hands freezing on the shirt half-way into pulling it on, and wherever she was in the other room Eri had gone quiet. It took him by surprise that he wasn't able to answer right away, _yeah, he's a creep._ He had to stop and think about it. How _did_ he feel about everything that had been happening? Despite the fact that he had had only been working with Joshua for two days, he certainly had made an impression.

"...he's annoying," he said, the curtain surrounding him from all sides. "But...I don't know. The guy's interesting."

It was true. He couldn't say there had been a single interaction with the man where he hadn't been surprised. _He certainly keeps things lively._

When he thought about it, if it got to be more than he could handle, he always had the failsafe. In the meantime, he actually wasn't sure how he would feel if he never saw him again. In two days, Joshua had left him with so many questions and so few answers—what was the deal with the conductor guy? What caused him to lose his cool on the phone, when he was so obnoxiously composed all the time? Why was he _so damn fixated_ on _Neku_? There wasn't anything special about him.

And...well.

There was something _exciting_ about having someone that into you. Neku wasn't the easiest guy to get along with, and it had been forever since the prospect of, well, _anything_ had been on the table. If he were being honest with himself, he might have been starting to see it as a game between them: as begrudgingly attractive as he was (as, dammit, he hadn't admitted it until then, had he?), could Joshua actually pull him in enough to overpower the guy's infuriating personality? Neku had his doubts.

But...

His heart pounded. Perhaps...he was a _tiny_ bit curious to see him try?

_Oh, God._ His decision making was worse than he realized. _This is a slippery fucking slope, Neku._

"Neku?"

He jumped, Eri's voice shaking him out of his musings as Shiki let out a concerned _hm_ behind her. The clothes were a bundle of wrinkles in his hands. _Shit—!_ "It's fine," he said quickly, pulling them the rest of the way on. "Sorry, spaced out for a second. I'll be out in a minute."

(He got chewed out for the wrinkles, but Shiki still watched him all evening.)

\--

It was Wednesday evening, just after he got off his shift at the ramen shop, that he finally heard from Joshua again.

He received the text as he was sketching out ideas for his next tag, and there was a jump in his pulse as that familiar photo popped up on screen: Joshua cozied against his back, smirking at the camera. _Almost thought he'd forgotten about me._ Would have been nice to just wait out the month, on the rare chance.

**_You're out of work._ **

Neku blinked at the text: the lack of flirtatiousness, the bluntness. Not the usual fair, at least. **_Yeah, I am._**

**_Get over here ASAP. Bring your homework or something._ **

Neku's brows furrowed at the odd request, but fine. _Could have been worse._ **_OMW._**

A pause. ** _Thank you._**

_Huh._

With exchanges like those, you almost wouldn't know he was a complete asshole.

\--

Joshua was on the piano when Neku got to the loft. He frowned as he shut the door behind him, the utter emptiness of the place allowing the melody to drift down the stairs. It was that same song he was playing last time—that classic, nostalgic-sounding refrain that he'd never gotten to hear the end of. He headed upstairs; no reason to assume he should have been anywhere else.

When he got up there, he realized that the piano had been moved. _Maybe that's why I heard it so quickly._ Instead of being in the back bedroom, Joshua seemed to have hauled the thing out into the open office. It was sat perpendicular to his desk, which in itself was scattered with paper.

As Joshua spied him come up, he kept his concentration on the keyboard, simply stating "Sit." He gestured with one hand to the couch, and, still not appreciating being commanded like a dog, Neku took a seat.

Neku waited as patiently as he could for some kind of guidance, listening to Joshua revisit the same melody repeatedly. Eventually, he did actually take out his homework—some stuff for English he'd been neglecting out of dread. Might as well take care of it whilst he was trapped anyway.

After about thirty minutes of the same, though, and Neku switching to his markers out of boredom, he was getting irritated. He said, speaking for the first time since he'd gotten there, "So, what am I here for?"

Joshua sighed, lips pursed as he stared at the sheet music with a sense of stalwart defiance. "You're here," he said, "to be here."

Neku shook his head, thrown. "Wait. So, I'm just supposed to…sit around?"

"That's right." Joshua's tone was bored, and held the tinge of agitation in its shortness. Neku had to admit that the other guy's face was decidedly less alluring when it was stony with frustration. Dryly, he said, "Just sit there and look pretty."

He frowned—what was even the point of him taking time out of his day if he wasn't there for a reason? Still, this was the easiest thing Joshua had ever asked him to do, so he wasn't going to complain.

Joshua kept playing as Neku tediously sketched out his assignment. The same lines were being repeated—and cut off. And repeated. And cut off. Half out of annoyance and half curiosity, he finally spoke up and asked, “Haven't you gotten that one? It sounds fine. Aren't you going to do the rest?" Something about the line just cutting mid-way was driving him crazy.

"Would that I could, partner," Joshua said flatly. He made a noise like he was trying to read something tiny. "That's it."

Neku frowned, turning to look at him. "That's it? That's how it ends?"

"Shouldn't be," Joshua sighed, agonized, "but I can't figure out the rest of the line."

He lowered the notebook. "You're composing that?" He thought the guy was practicing. Now that he knew, it seemed obvious—it explained the unfinished lines (Neku had almost convinced himself it was Joshua's attempt to drive him slowly insane.) "It's beautiful. Uh, well, until—"

Joshua snapped, "Yes, I _know_ , _thank you."_

Neku closed the book in his lap, turning to lean up against the couch's arm. "Huh. How long have you been stuck on it?"

Toneless, Joshua said, gaze cold on the keyboard, "Three months."

His brows shot up. "Three _months_?" _Holy shit._ He remembered the times he had gotten stuck on something he was working on; even a week was agonizing. _Three months_ was insane. "That same line?"

"No," Joshua said quietly. His fingers ghosted over the sheet music, as though he was searching it for imprints of what had been written before. "I've written four different versions of this piece, but I've become deadlocked every time. I've even tried going in other directions entirely, but they were all _rubbish_." His fingers moved, poised over the board like he might play something before curling into fists. Something dark in his tone, he said, "I can't compose."

Neku's gaze fell to his sketchbook. Before he'd met Shiki and Beat, his work was all he had—it was what kept him sane. The thought of not being able to do it for months on end…he knew that had to suck. _No wonder he's so wound up about it._ Softly, he asked, "Have you thought about stepping away for a little while? Maybe you just need some fresh eyes."

Joshua smiled bitterly. "I can't. My thesis performance, remember?"

_Oh, yeah. Wait, oh shit._ "So, wait. That's what you need this for? You have to have it done by—"

"By the end of the month."

The words made Neku go silent. _The end of the month?_ "So, just like…"

He trailed off, but Joshua neither denied nor confirmed.

Neku frowned. _So that's it._ "That's not a coincidence, is it."

"No," Joshua sighed, heavy and overwrought, "it's not." He took a breath, pushing the bench seat away from the piano’s keyboard. Now that Neku was looking, he could see a faint groove in the varnish where Joshua must have done this a hundred times before. _Jeez._ "I was hoping having someone around to take care of my other affairs would allow me to concentrate more on my work, but thus far, no joy." Joshua finally looked properly in his direction, and his gaze drifted down to the notebook in Neku's hands. "You're an artist, Neku?"

A bit taken aback, Neku protectively brought the notebook up to his chest before realizing that that looked really stupid. "Yeah. I think of myself that way, at least. Not speaking to quality."

Joshua hummed, getting up to drift over. "Let's see it, then. I need some inspiration. Your new position is 'muse.'" As Neku scooted back, trying to get some room ready, Joshua plopped down directly beside him. That flowery cologne he wore invaded his senses again, the warmth of his body slotting in beside his like it owned the place (he didn't want to elaborate on that thought.) Something about it was heady—the smell of it seemed to daze him.

"Alright," he grunted, scooting his bag over with his feet. "But I'm not sure I'll be able to help you. I think our aesthetics are pretty different."

He opened it up—he wasn't shy about it; he put it on city walls all the time—and passed it between them so Joshua could see.

After a minute, the other boy made a soft noise. "Graffiti. Do you tag, perchance?"

Neku was kind of surprised he picked up on that right away. "Yeah," he said, rubbing the back of his neck, not sure what Joshua was looking for. He usually only talked about it with Beat, Shiki, and Rhyme. He wasn't sure what to say here. "I've got some stuff up around the city. Nothing big, but I'm studying how to market my designs more effectively. I want to be able to do other stuff too. Tags are my main thing, though." He flipped through his designs, showing off his more experimental styles as well as those that took more heavily from his idol. Flushing slightly, he grumbled, "I, uh, really like Cat's stuff. He's kind of my hero."

He glanced up, a little nervous, and saw Joshua wearing a smile he couldn't translate. "Oh, that's _funny_ ," the man giggled, and Neku frowned. But Joshua just waved him off. "I just have another friend that dabbles with the same thing." He glanced away, murmuring something about having to introduce them some time.

The air softened, and Joshua continued to flip through his work for several minutes as Neku squirmed under the scrutiny. "…so," he asked eventually. "My stuff doing anything for you?"

Joshua sat back. After several moments, he said finally, "…hm, afraid not. I can appreciate your talents, though, even if it's not my area of expertise. It makes me wonder, though…hm, no, you don't want to hear that." The teasing tone was back in his voice, and he turned his shoulder, glancing away and back to Neku challengingly through one lidded violet eye.

…cheater. Of course he'd be curious, with an opening like that and Joshua's disgustingly pretty eyes focused on him.

Neku watched him. There was a sort of tightness in his chest at feeling so pinned down, and yes, he might have felt a little sweetened by the compliment. Making a dangerous gamble, he slumped a little more comfortably into the couch. Nonchalantly, he said, "And what if…I _did_ want to hear?"

Joshua's eyes widened. Slowly, he turned on the couch to where he was sitting on his knees beside him. His eyes were bright with curiosity, and something that made heat rise along Neku's nape. "Really?" He paused, and smiled encouragingly. "…then I would say it makes me wonder what _other_ talents you possess."

He inhaled—there it was. Joshua was close to him, but he didn't retreat. He stayed in his spot on the couch, not willing to let this asshole get the better of him, and it did put a thrill in his heart to have that attention so carefully focused on him. "That's pretty cliché."

Joshua blinked, before giggling. "Why Neku, had I only known the _quality_ of my come-ons was the problem, I would have stepped it up a bit."

Neku narrowed his eyes. "So you admit that's what you're doing."

Joshua shrugged. "I haven't exactly been subtle, have I?"

Neku wasn't done, though. "Isn't that the sort of thing that constitutes a breach of contract, though?"

Joshua flopped back against the back of the couch, though his eyes were still on 'sultry.' "Not if I don't act on it," he quipped. Then, lowly, _"Also, not if you break first."_

He crossed his arms, assessing Joshua with scrutiny. "You really think you can make that happen? You're kind of a dick, if you haven't noticed."

Joshua grinned, flipping his wrist back. "I think my extraordinary talent and charming good looks can make up for it."

"Yeah?" Neku paused, looking him over. His heart was pounding. "That's some confidence, for a guy who's paying me to be here."

The other boy cocked his head, looking him up and down. "See, that's the thing, dear." He idly pointed a finger in his direction. "Seems to me you're hung up."

"Hung up?" _Yeah, because that's really the problem in this whole situation!_

Joshua smirked, and Neku kind of wanted to punch him. "You're so hung up on this whole 'companion' thing, you can't even see that you're into me."

Neku laughed. "Oh, really?" _Smug bastard._

"Really," Joshua purred. "You were peering back _pretty_ intently in that dressing room, Neku."

He got the urge to say something, and it was so impulsive and stupid there was no way he was going to— "Then kiss me." _Neku, what the fuck?!_

Joshua's eyes blew wide. " _Excuse_ me?"

Neku shrugged again, but he was screaming internally. "You think I'm in denial, but I think you're kidding yourself. If you're such hot shit, you should be able to convince me right away like that, right?" He leaned forward a little bit, daring Joshua to try even as he mentally groaned at his own lack of _freaking sense!_

(He just wanted to wipe that look off of Joshua's stupid, smug face.)

Joshua stared at him, expressionless.

And then he leaned forward, and pressed their mouths together.


	5. Mistakes Were Made

_Joshua stared at him, expressionless._

_And then he leaned forward and pressed their mouths together._

His heart jumped as he felt Joshua's mouth fall over his, even though he knew it was coming. As far as kisses went, it was tentative: curious, but eager. Searching for reciprocation. His pulse stuttered at the gentle slid of Joshua's lips against his, and a teasing lick along his bottom lip lit something in his belly. He brought his hand up to brace on Joshua's shoulder.

The kiss continued on for a moment, one-sided, with Joshua trying to coax him to join in with careful, inviting flashes of heat. After feeling somewhat frozen during most of it, he finally pressed back.

Against the other guy's shoulder, pushing him away.

He took a second to compose himself—didn't want to speak too quickly and reveal how breathless he was. "Not impressed," he said finally, but Joshua didn't look discouraged. Instead, his eyes simply held the darkness of want, and he sat back, impishly running his tongue over his lips.

"Mm. Sure, Neku." He flipped a hand back, slumping back in his position on the couch. After a moment, he grabbed up Neku's sketchbook again, flipping to some of the more recent pieces he was working on for class as Neku made a noise of protest. "You know," he said, "you're a shit muse." His eyes flicked over, bright with amusement. "But you do make an _excellent_ distraction."

Neku just raised an eyebrow. "Good for you," he said. But his heart was still pounding a little.

Eventually, he was allowed to leave, and he went home. He felt like a winner—he had managed to defeat the wiles of that smarmy fucking incubus (that was the male version, right?) and maintain his dignity in the process. That proved it: it was just the novelty. Joshua had been an attentive kisser, but he didn't have to worry about suddenly losing his mind for some reason and, say, actually sleeping with the guy. It was no big deal.

He went to sleep that night with a new sense of satisfaction.

He gasped awake the next morning, the phantom sensation of Joshua's legs around his hips and a raging hard-on in his pants.

_Fuck._

Neku spent the rest of the morning in classes pretending like nothing compromising had happened at all. He had assignments to get in, and literature still hanging over him, so he certainly had enough to distract him as he tried to figure out what the hell he was going to write for his paper.

He didn't need to get stuck thinking about how cold his shower had been that morning.

He passed Shiki on campus, busy as ever. In addition to her own program in fashion design and production, she had, for some reason, decided she had enough time to join the planning committee for school events, so she was always running around. She spied him in the hallway and flagged him down. "Hey! Neku."

He headed over to where she was taping up some posters. "Hey. What you working on?" He gestured to the massive pile of papers she was juggling between her fingers.

She wiped her forehead. "Oh, you know. With all the big events coming up at the end of the year, everybody's wanting to start advertising now. That means these have to go all over the entire school." She sighed, quirking a brow in annoyance. "And, of course, everyone else on the committee was too busy to help! I really thought I'd be doing more decorating when I signed up for this, but so far it's all been leg work..."

"Sorry," Neku said, shrugging. He gestured to the pile. "You need some help holding those? I got a few minutes." Shiki worked hard enough anyways. Sure, she was good at what she did, but he knew she'd had some self-esteem issues in the past. He'd had to talk her down from over-committing to things before, and he thought that, deep down, she might have been overcompensating as a lingering symptom of that feeling. Not that he would accuse her of that—she was a big girl; she didn't need him psychoanalyzing her choices, on top of everything. Not like he knew anything about that kind of stuff anyways. That was more of Rhyme's deal.

Shiki gasped exasperatedly. " _Yes,_ that would be _so great_ , thank you." She handed him the stack as he set his bag down. "Having to juggle everything is half the work."

He hefted the stack—man, a stack of paper like this was practically a freaking textbook. She had to put up all of these? "There's like a million of these things..." He held the pile still as she pulled one off the top, taping it to the wall. Curiously, he flicked through the edges where the color changed. His brow furrowed, noticing that the stack on the bottom was considerably larger than the rest. "Wow. Someone's pushier than the rest."

"Hm?" Shiki looked back over her shoulder, eyes brightening with recognition as she saw the one he'd pulled out. "Oh! Yeah. I'm surprised you haven't heard. Apparently, there's the famous musical prodigy that's supposed to be coming in to play right before final's week. Oh, what was his name? Yotsuba? Something Kiryu."

Neku narrowed his eyes at the poster, pulling it out to look as Shiki took another from the top of the pile. He scanned the names. That...was probably the one she was talking about.

They did seem excited. Even though there were a half-dozen names in flowery golden script, one was separated out from the others, surrounded by freaking action lines: _Featuring a Special Performance by Musical Prodigy Yoshiya Kiryu!_

Neku frowned. "Never heard of him."

Shiki _hmmed._ "Honestly, I hadn't either. The school's really excited about it, though, apparently. Hence the million posters."

He straightened, a different poster for a career prep seminar reminding him. "Oh, hey. Did you get confirmation as to what we're doing for Rhyme's birthday? I keep forgetting to ask."

Shiki blinked. "I...think we're still meeting at that sushi place? That was the last I'd heard of it. I know Beat was trying to swing it so they can decorate a little area for her. I'm not sure if he's heard back though."

Neku nodded. He had her present ready; he just needed to know when to show up with it at this point. He hoped she would like it. He got the feeling sometimes she said she liked things when she didn't, just so other people didn't feel bad. The girl was kind of hard to read. "I'll double-check with Beat. I've got work with him this afternoon. Text you when I know?"

He had to leave soon after, relieved to know they were going to have everyone together again soon. Those times seemed less and less often, lately.

He caught sight of Beat waving in his direction as he entered the shop that evening, bag hanging over his shoulder behind him. The boy's wide grin met his from across the room. "Hey, man! Better get back here fast—business is booming, yo!"

He watched Ken Doi lightly smack Beat on the back of the head with a folded paper. "No causing a racket, Daisukenojo," he said, and Neku snorted as Beat predictably floundered.

"Hey," he said as he came around the corner, heading for the back room. "How's it been?"

Beat winced, rubbing the back of his head. " _Why's Ramen Man got to bring that name into this_ …" He straightened. "But nah, it's been fine. Doi's been trying some new stuff, man! Found this old cook book his pops left him—yo, you gotta try this!"

Neku eyed the backroom counter, finding multiple bowls of ramen, half-eaten and still steaming. He sighed. _Guess Beat doesn't mind being his guinea pig, at least._ He didn't particularly appreciate it himself, but he knew that Ken knew what he was doing so he wasn't so put out.

Shrugging, he grabbed another pair of chop sticks from the holder on the counter and gestured to the bowls. He called out to beat behind the counter. "You mind?"

"Nah, man. Dig in!"

He carefully grabbed a pile, holding one of the paper plates underneath so he wouldn't drip. He took a taste—the kick hit him immediately, then...was that peanut butter?

"It's Tantan-Men," Beat explained excitedly. "Pops has been tweaking the recipe all morning. You can finish that one if you want," he grinned, sheepishly scratching the back of his neck. "I've already smashed three bowls." He turned as the bell rang. " _Irashai!_ Welcome to Ramen Don!"

Neku' blew out a breath. _Three—that's unholy. Where does he put it all?_ Taking another bite, he called back to his boss as he saw the man come around the corner of the back stove. "You've really outdone yourself this time, Ken." The nuttiness of the peanut butter was the perfect balance to make the chili hit, but not too much.

Ken sniffed. "Eh. It's still not quite there yet. I'm going to try a few more batches to really nail it down."

"Want me to run the extra to the Kitchen downtown?"

"If you don't mind. I'm also working on some Tottori Beef and I'm _considering_ adding a Yaki-Soba. Not sure, though."

Neku raised his eyebrows. _The guy stays busy, I guess._

He...should probably get to actually working.

He pulled on his apron and tied his hair back, heading to the front. While they were never packed, the restaurant had picked up in the past several years after being featured by some small-base celebrity. Neku had gotten lucky that Beat had already been working for Ken with the need for a second front-man arose. He was sure the position would have been snatched up in no time.

He and Beat got busy taking in orders as they came in, ferrying them back to Ken, and then ferrying the dishes back and forth. They took turns washing the bowls, and cooking up and preparing the ramen ingredients on the couple types Ken had taught them to make themselves when the man had to re-fill stock or when the crowds became more than one man's cooking could handle. Above all else, Ken valued quality, and so he wouldn't have ramen just sitting around or refrigerated. He was a steady work-horse of ramen production.

Eventually, his plan was to teach them how to make all of the recipes—with extensive quality control, of course. But there were a couple he still didn't trust them to make on their own. Neku wasn't mad about that. Art was subjective, but if something didn't taste right, you knew it.

The shop slowed down briefly, leaving them both at the front counter. "Hey," he asked, turning to Beat. "Are will still hitting up that one place for Rhyme's birthday?" It would have felt kind of disrespectful to mention the name of another restaurant while working at this one. The last thing he wanted to do was incur the ramen-based Wrath of Ken Doi. The man had a big heart, but he was tough as nails when it came to his medium of choice.

Beat winced, briefly averting his gaze. "Uh, yeah, man. That's the plan."

Neku frowned. He...wasn't expecting him to look so bummed about it. He'd been so adamant on making the day perfect for her. "What's up? Did you not get the decoration thing set up? Shiki told me about that."

Beat shook his head, his normally warm eyes stormy. "No, no—I got it."

Neku sat back, taking a brief glance at the door to make sure no one was coming in.

He watched the other boy sigh, taking a white towel idly to a counter that was already spotless. "I don't know, man. It's just...it feels like this big thing, you know? And I've only got one more semester with her at home, before..." he trailed off.

His eyes widened. "Wait—did she _actually_ decide on that place in Kyoto?"

Beat's eyes were down-cast. "...yeah, man. She's going."

Neku's jaw dropped, and he leaned back against the counter. "I can't believe it. I knew she mentioned it, but...but the psychology department at UT is so good!" He hadn't thought there was even a possibility Rhyme might consider going to college somewhere else. It was mind-blowing.

Gritting his teeth, Beat turned around, pulling his hat down over his eyes. "It's that _guy_ , man. The one she likes? She's going there 'cause he is—not to mention they've already said they would give her a crap-ton of financial aid. She says, _it just makes sense, Beat. Opportunities come, but do not linger, after all._ " He sighed hard, hands coming up subtly to brace on his biceps. "I know it's probably a better deal for her, man, but...I just don't know what I'm going to do."

Neku wished he knew what to say. He was floored—Beat and Rhyme were so close; he knew that it was going to hit Beat hard when she left. "I'm sorry, man," he said, eventually. "But...you know she's not going to forget about you here, right?"

Beat dropped his hands, where they hung limply at his sides. "Yeah, I know," he said, voice hardening. "She's too good for that. And she's going cause she wants to help people, right? You know, she told me that she was inspired by me? That she thought there were other folks out there that couldn't 'see their potential,' and she wanted to help them find it, right? I just...she's _my_ inspiration. She's what keeps me going when I want to give up, man. Jus' sucks."

He furrowed his brows. "Hey, now. Quit acting like you're going to be all alone."

Beat looked up at him.

He crossed his arms. "Rhyme might be leaving for a little while, but you've still got me, and Shiki, and, hell, Eri too. You know? What are we, chopped liver?"

Beat's eyes widened. "Wha—? Man, no, I just..."

He lightly punched the other man in the shoulder. "We're still going to have your back, no matter what. You're still saving up for culinary school, right?"

Beat blinked, moving to the register and thanking the customer as he rung her ticket. "I mean...yeah?"

Neku narrowed his eyes. "That's it, then. Trust us to kick your ass if you stop believing in yourself. Okay?"

From the other side of the counter, the girl that was being rung up smiled sheepishly. "The ramen was _really_ good."

Beat blinked, realizing that she was chipping in to the conversation they'd been having. He blushed. "Ah, I mean, that was mostly Mr. Doi, I just helped. But, uh, glad you liked it."

The compliment seemed to have shaken Beat out of his bummed mood—hopefully, he'd keep what he said in mind. Neither of them were the best as communicating, but Beat had shaken him out of more slumps than he could count (most of the time, literally.) If he needed reminding every once in a while how much ass he kicked, (and Neku knew he did sometimes,) then Neku was happy to do it.

That customer left, and the day started to wind down, the two of them working steadily with the mood returned mostly to normality. Now they just had to worry about the dinner crowd in an hour or so, and they'd be in the clear.

The bell above the door rang.

Neku turned the doorway. "Irashai. Welcome to—"

He froze.

_Oh, god, no._

Beat shot him a look, playfully bumping him aside to pick up the greeting. " _You okay, man?_ Irashai; welcome to Ramen Don! What can I get for you?"

Joshua stared back at him, face holding an equal measure of surprise. That quickly turned, though, into the familiar spark of amusement in his eye that made Neku want to sink into the floor _oh no oh fuck this is the worst thing that could have happened today._

"Neku," Joshua purred, and he wanted to be anywhere but there. "Fancy seeing you here, partner."

Beside him, Beat's face turned confused. "Neku, you know this guy?"

Quickly, he rushed in with an excuse before Joshua had the chance to say anything compromising. "We're working on a project together," he spat quickly, and Joshua merely raised an eyebrow and took a seat, crossing his legs leisurely.

"Yeah?" Beat turned back to him, giving him a once-over. "Well, if you're cool by Neku, you're cool by me." Beat reached across the counter to take Joshua's hand.

_But he's not, though—_

Joshua smiled sweetly, taking it. "That's so gentlemanly of you. I _do_ appreciate the consideration."

"Uh? Yeah," Beat said, seemingly not sure how to respond. "Well, what can I get you?"

Joshua's vibrant eyes shot him a mischievous look. "I would prefer a bowl of shio ramen, if you don't mind."

Beat nodded. "You got it. I'll go get that together. Hey, Neku—can you man the register?"

Neku whipped his head to look at him. _What? Why me?_ "Y-yeah," he said, not sure how else to respond. _Then again, I don't know if leaving this guy alone with Beat would go any better._

Neku nervously stood behind the counter, hyperaware of the way the headband pushed his hair stupidly off his forehead. He restrained the urge to fix it. Leaning over, he hissed, _"What are you doing here?"_

Joshua leaned back, giving him a skeptical look. "Why, Neku. You don't think I went to the trouble of tracking down your work place just so I could come _pester_ you, do you? I just happen to be moseying by, and I got the urge for some ramen. This is purely a coincidence. Cross my heart." He made a coy little x-motion over his chest. He paused, though, and put a finger to his chin. "Although, I do quite like ramen. I just might have to come around more often."

" _No, you won't,"_ Neku glared.

Beat rushed back into the kitchen, confidently carrying Joshua's bowl and that of the other new customer at the same time. "You had good timing, man—fresh off the grill."

"Thank you," Neku narrowed his eyes as Joshua gingerly took the bowl, taking a small sip of the broth before his eyes widened. "Mm—this is quite good, actually."

Beat grinned widely. "Yeah, man! Ramen Man knows what he's doing!"

Joshua slowly raised an eyebrow. He turned to Neku. "'Ramen Man?'"

Neku coughed lightly into his fist. "Our boss. He runs this place," Neku said, before realizing he'd made two very obvious statements.

"Fascinating," Joshua said dryly, but he didn't seem to be complaining about the bowl. For a few minutes, Neku had beautiful, no, blissful silence as the other man worked his way through his dinner, and he continued with service as usual as the evening crowd rolled in.

Then he came back from taking some dishes away to find Joshua and Beat deep in conversation.

"Oh, yeah." Beat's boisterous voice echoed even over the business of the shop. "I've known Neku a long time. He's always been like that, yo."

Neku blanched. _Like what?!_ What were they talking about?

Joshua smiled, shooting Neku a teasing look. "The best of friends, then?"

Beat, on his part, actually seemed to stumble. "Uh. Yeah. I mean, I guess I do consider him my best friend."

Neku paused. He…hadn't realized that, somehow. He guessed it did make sense—to his knowledge, Beat wasn't that close with a lot of other people, but to hear as much was a little bit of a shock. He was…touched, he guessed.

Joshua smiled, souring his mood. Every time that stupid smirk appeared on his face, Neku felt like he was being mocked. "How sweet."

Beat actually blushed a little, rubbing the back of his head. "I guess?"

Suddenly, a call came from the back of the shop. _"Daisukenojo! I need a hand with a second pot. Get on back here!"_

Beat blanched, grimacing as he turned and waddled towards the back in visible distress. "Aw, come on— _coming, Mr. Doi_!" And then he disappeared again.

Joshua's posture was relaxed, leaning on the counter artfully as though he were posing for a picture. "Why, Neku," he spoke gleefully, "he's practically charming. You _must_ introduce me to your other friends."

Neku grabbed the well-worn rag, scrubbing fruitlessly at the clean counter (they would form a groove in the thing eventually.) "Like hell I do," Neku hissed, eyeing the rest of the shop, trying not to make it too obvious that he was berating the man across the counter. Paranoid, he drew into himself. "You're my boss, not my friend."

It was a bit of a cold comment in the moment, but Joshua brushed it off easily. He waved a hand back. "Why not both? I understand that I can be a bit of an acquired taste, but I assure you, my conversational skills are excellent—"

Neku narrowed his eyes, straightening. "Is that really what you think?"

Joshua rested his chin on his hand. "You disagree?"

"You're a dick," Neku said shortly.

"That may be true," Joshua said, pointing one finger off-handedly, "but you can't say I don't keep you engaged."

He frowned, brushing off the front of his apron where he knew that there was nothing.

After a long moment of silence, Joshua sighed hard. His brow scrunched in annoyance, he waved his hand. "Fine, fine. I'll stay away from your precious friends."

Neku said, "You really sound like a super villain."

Joshua's eyes became half-lidded, in a look that Neku felt was inappropriate anywhere outside of a bedroom. "I admit, it is my objective to ruin you."

Neku tried not to react to the sudden and surprisingly explicit-feeling proclamation, and he turned towards the back. Clouds of steam rose from a pot of chicken stock beginning to boil, and Neku's mind betrayed him by drifting to the previous night's dreams—Joshua underneath him, panting, his warm breath ghosting over Neku's neck—

Flushing hot, he brought a hand up to the spot, the phantom sensation causing goosebumps to rise on his skin. He brushed them down.

Slowly, he turned back to Joshua, avoiding his eyes. "...You really didn't stalk me here?"

Joshua sighed. "If you really must know, I was supposed to meet up with Mr. Kitaniji down the street, but he called off at the last moment. I was feeling a bit lonesome when I saw the shop. Ramen's always been a comfort food, personally."

Neku was surprised at such a matter-of-fact breakdown of Joshua's mental state. He supposed the guy had always worn his heart on his sleeve, though—no, perhaps that wasn't exactly right. He made his intentions plain, at least. He shifted slightly. "I don't get how you can just... _say_ stuff like that."

Joshua ducked down into the warm-looking bundling of his scarf, smiling wryly. "Under great duress, I assure you."

_Duress? By who?_ It wasn't like Neku was asking him to spill his guts to him.

Joshua seemed to read his confusion on his face. "I'm being encouraged to be more open," he said, his tone disparaging, "by a friend. And here you are, around. In my general vicinity."

_Huh._ After a moment, he asked, "Mr. Kitaniji?"

"My conductor."

_Ah._ Shades, then.

He eyed the mostly polished-off bowl on the counter, wondering for a moment. "...did the ramen...help?" He wasn't sure why he asked it.

Joshua held up a small peck of noodles, peering at them consideringly. Eventually, he said. "...I feel more heartened. Whether that's an affect of the noodles or your handsome face remains to be seen."

"Har har," Neku said flatly. _Never a missed opportunity with this one._

The silence settled in a little bit. They got in a debate about what the best ramen flavor was for a while as Neku rung up the last of the dinner rush that were gradually filtering. They only stopped when Ken headed up front, worried he would fuss, but the man just said it was _good for business_. It was the most normal conversation they'd had.

Joshua had a second bowl with tonkotsu to settle the debate.

As Joshua finally got up to leave, leaving them a generous tip that made Neku feel a little uncomfortable, he turned back to look at him as he was pulling on his coat. "What does your schedule look like tomorrow, Neku?"

Neku eyed him warily. "School in the morning," he said eventually. "Then, I'm free."

"Good," Joshua smiled. He carefully buttoned the large buttons up the front of the coat—the cut brought out the elegant build of his shoulders. "I'll be seeing you in the afternoon, then."

It sounded like a confirmation, but Neku knew it was an order. "Yeah," he said, feeling...strange. Not good, in a way he couldn't define.

Joshua tossed him a wave as he headed to leave through the dwindling crowd of patrons. His clear voice called back through the shop. "Goodnight, Neku."

Neku just watched him go.

Beat came over soon after to lean on the counter beside him. "Hey, did that prissy guy leave? He seemed _real_ interested in talking. Kinda weird, yo." He looked up at Neku, and frowned. "You okay, man?"

Neku slowly shook his head. "Yeah," he said eventually. "Just...weird thoughts."

It felt too quiet as they closed up shop.


	6. Art to Art

No sooner had Neku knocked on the door to Joshua's loft than the man had come breezing out the door, capturing his wrist in the process. "Come along," he said. "We have some errands to run."

Neku stumbled, hurrying to match the other man's pace before he ended up getting dragged along. The air condensed on his breath, and he ducked down inside his coat collar to block out the cold. "Isn't it a little cold to be heading out on foot?" _Also, did you really need me to come if you were planning on going out anyways?_

Joshua glanced back at him. His gaze passed over him assessingly, and Neku could see that the chill was reddening his cheeks and the tips of his ears. "Can't handle a little chill, Neku? I find it bracing, myself." He was wearing that soft blue, well-tailored jacket from the previous night. Neku wondered if Joshua had noticed him looking, and had worn it again for that reason.

Neku grit his teeth. "N-not the cold type," he said eventually. Ugh, he must have looked like a wimp.

Joshua glanced at his expression for a reaction, and sighed, slowing to a stop. "Well, I suppose it can't be helped." Slowly, Joshua unraveled the dense scarf he wore from around his neck, confusing Neku for a moment before he reached out and, without warning, began to wrap it around Neku's neck.

"Wha—" Neku sputtered, the sudden influx of soft, gray fabric invading his vision. He brought his hands up, not sure if he should try and stop him or just to get it out of his face. After a moment, Joshua backed off though, leaving Neku to adjust it.

The other man stuck his hands in his pockets, peering over to him in satisfaction. "There. That should compensate a bit for your complete lack of body fat. Honestly, Neku. What would you do without me?"

He felt himself flush. It was so weird—all of the weird positions they'd been in, and there was something so _intimate_ about wearing the guy's clothes. He could smell Joshua's cologne wafting in the air around him, that heady smell. "Ugh, what's the deal?" He tried to force down the heat in his face. _Why is this so weird?!_

Joshua shrugged. "I can take it back."

Neku paused, pulling down the edge to uncover his mouth. Ugh, he was cold, though. "No," he said reluctantly, brows furrowing. "I'll keep it."

Joshua gave him another once-over before giggling. "It's a cute look on you, regardless. Now let's go."

He balked, but continued on as Joshua started off again. "Where are we going, anyways?"

Joshua continued down the street in quick-step, not bothering to look at him as he spoke. "I'm picking up a package for a friend of mine," he said. "Once we drop it off, I was thinking we could get something to eat."

Neku blanched. _Wait a minute. Is this meant to be casual, or is this going to be one of those dates he talked about?_ The latter was more likely, he realized—Joshua had sent him instructions that morning to "dress well;" vaguely insulting, but a phrase that suddenly took on more meaning if Joshua intended for them to go _out_ out together. "Alright," he said, nerves percolating in his stomach.

Why had he gone with an escort website?! Why hadn't he just gone with Craigslist, or—

(Because Craigslist didn't pay like this.)

\--

Joshua tugged him along, and he was more than a little surprised when soon they were standing before the BLICK supply outlet. He blinked up at the bright marquee, and could see inside where rows and rows of different materials spanned out over two floors. The store was apparently the headquarters for the company in Japan, so the place was huge. " _This_ is where we're going?"

"Yes," said Joshua, smoothly pushing the door open and moving inside.

Neku felt a pang of awe as he entered the building. Yeah, he'd been here before—to get the supplies for his current art courses. It wasn't somewhere he ever would have felt comfortable going on his own, though. Everything they had was the highest quality, especially their spray paints, and he just couldn't afford it most of the time. He usually had to stop into Uematsu and make due, and spray paints weren't their specialty.

He looked up and saw Joshua glancing back at him. "That's right," the man mused. “You're also an artist, aren't you?"

Neku grit his teeth. _Yeah, it's not like we had a whole conversation about it or anything._ "Yeah," he replied, snappish.

From the careful observation in Joshua's eye, though, Neku thought it likely he knew full well Neku was an artist. He didn't know if he was just bringing him out here to brag, _look what I can afford,_ or if he had some kind of ulterior motive. Neku thought it equally possible that it might have been either.

Joshua said, tilting his head as he perused the shelves, grabbing a couple of markers with him as he looked at a list he had pulled out of his pocket, "Do you come here often, then?"

"Too rich for my blood," Neku said averting his eyes. He just had to put up with Joshua's quips for a little while longer, and then they would be out of here. His eyes, though, kept moving longingly to some nearby shelves: clean, thick pads of fresh art paper sat in neat rows, and further down were paint markers closer to what he would usually use in planning divided off into about a hundred colors.

"Hm." Joshua made a soft noise, shoes tapping on the white linoleum as he plucked out a couple more markers, checking off his list. He paused, peering over. "If there's something you like, feel free to pick it up."

Neku stopped moping, clenching hands pausing in his pockets. "Wait. Are you serious?"

His 'client' shot him a placating look, smiling indulgently. "Sure. Go nuts. I'm not a cheapskate, dear. I haven't gotten you your first couple weeks pay yet—it's only fair I help to cover some of your expenses in the meantime, don't you think?"

Neku's mind reeled, shooting back to the items he had mentally starred as things to splurge on when he got the money. This was obviously some kind of tactic for Joshua to butter him up by buying him gifts. _Come on, Neku. Are you actually going to fall for that?_

Yes. Yes he was.

"Okay," he said, gaze moving back and forth along the shelves almost manically. "Give me like—ten minutes."

"Take your time," Joshua sighed, calling out to him as he sped off to grab a basket. "Remember you will have to carry it, though."

"Hell, I'll carry your stuff too," he shot back. Like a little bit of _weight_ was actually going to stop him. _If the guy only saw what I have to carry around for class every day!_

Joshua gave a soft little surprised noise. "What a gentleman," he teased.

Trick or not, he wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to get some better supplies. This wasn't a matter of immediate gratification—if he played his cards right, he could get himself set for several months at the very least, whether this thing with Joshua worked out or not. A lot of the things he had his eye on would last for even longer.

He pulled the basket up to the sketchpads, picking up a fresh one especially for dry-to-wet mediums before moving on to the markers. He started picking out a few he had run out of, and ones he couldn't find at the smaller shops. Joshua must have been looking for something different now, as he had disappeared from the aisle.

Backtracking in his thoughts as he contemplated different colors, he paused. _Whether this thing worked out or not._ He had been so focused on the one-month time period that he had almost forgotten that this job extending _past_ that had never been off the table. He frowned. He...wasn't sure how to feel about that.

When he had first met Joshua, he would have said there was no chance he would want to go past a month. The guy _did_ drive him crazy—that wasn't in question. However, the time he had been chained to the man thus far had really not been as bad as he was expecting. Honestly, he wouldn't really even qualify what he'd been doing for Joshua as _working,_ when it came down to it. Sure, he had had to fetch things for the guy occasionally, but it wasn't anything too crazy. He was mostly just hanging out with the guy.

He moved into a section of pencils, noticing a set of sketching pencils. He really didn't like the ones they were requiring for the classes, so getting a set he actually liked would be nice. He thought about the goal that Joshua had revealed to him—that thesis piece at the end of the month. Thus far, it had been over a week, and he didn't even know if Joshua had made any progress. If that's what he was there for, wouldn't it have been fairer for him to actually be helping out with that? But he didn't even know how to get out of his own slumps, much less whatever blocks some other guy might have. Even less, ones that had been going on for _three months._

Regardless, he didn't know what he was going to do at the end of the month. The demands had been annoying, but shockingly light for the pay. And while he couldn't say he liked Joshua...well. He was interesting. He didn't know how he would feel if he just...never saw the guy again.

Thoughts busy, he turned into the spray paint aisle and _oh shit they had that Montana Black import spray color set he'd been lusting over yesss!_

He hurried to the front to see Joshua waiting for him, staring back at him and his well-utilized basket in amusement. He smirked, but somehow, it didn't look as malicious. Shit, maybe his plan _had_ worked. "Have fun, Neku?"

"Found some stuff," he said, flushing.

Joshua didn't flinch at the total, but he did.

They exited the building, Neku carrying one small bag and one really big one. Surprisingly, he thought he could hear the soft metallic clink of cans in Joshua's smaller bag as well. "So. What now?"

"Now," Joshua said cheerfully, reaching over to adjust Neku's borrowed scarf _oh god he'd forgotten he was wearing that_ , "we're going to see a friend."

He led him down the sidewalk towards...well, wherever they were going.

\--

Joshua led him to a little café out on Cat Street that he’d never heard of before. With a jolt of nerves, he thought for a second that the man might have decided to skip a step and they were having the date now. At least, he thought that until he saw that the place was utterly deserted _._

_Honestly, I’m not surprised—who even comes out here?_ Sure, sometimes he was in the area whenever he wanted to check out J of the M’s new stock, but that was once in a blue moon anyways. Plus, this place was even further back, into the part of the city that was frequently under construction where they _said_ they were going to build things, and never did.

When they walked in, there wasn’t even anyone manning the counter. Joshua sighed, and Neku took a break to set the bags down in two of the many unoccupied chairs. “Mr. H,” Joshua called out, sounding annoyed. “Don’t tell me I’ve done you a favor, and you aren’t even here.”

There was the sound of shuffling from the back, before a voice responded. “Slow your roll, J; I’m here.” Footsteps echoed from the back before a scruffy man with shades and a goatee emerged from the door way, expression and posture relaxed. His eyes widened just slightly as he caught sight of Neku. “Hey now—wasn’t expecting a guest today. Brought a friend?”

Joshua frowned. “Glad to know I don’t warrant the effort. Mr. H, this is Neku. Neku, this is Mr. H. He’s an old friend. He’s also a pain in the ass.”

‘Mr. H,’ apparently, blew out a breath. “That’s cold, J.” Turning to him, he grinned, lazy and laid-back. There was something implicitly disarming about it, and Neku felt the tension leaving his shoulders. The man held his hand out. “Neku, though. Nice to meet you. I’m Sanae Hanekoma. Feel free to call me Mr. H too, if you’re feeling it.”

Neku found himself smiling, and he took the man’s hand, shaking it firmly. _Someone else who’s had to deal with Joshua’s intolerable ass? This could be a once in a lifetime opportunity._ Neku doubted there were many who had put up with his “client” for long. “You too.”

Nodding, Mr. H turned away. “You two have a seat. I’ll fix you a cuppa.”

Neku looked over to Joshua for feedback, but the man was already sliding onto a stool at the front.

He took his own seat, picking a spot near the bags. Joshua seemed distracted, peering at his nails as he spoke across the counter. “They were out of that black kind,” he said idly, and Mr. H gave a hiss.

“Ah, well. I thought they probably would be. Think I’m going to need to special order that one.” Mr. H seemed to catch sight of the bag of miscellaneous art supplies by Neku’s chair, but his eyes moved to Joshua. “…you taking up art, boss?”

Neku straightened. “It’s, uh, it’s mine, actually.” He wasn’t sure why he felt the need to correct him.

He stiffened as Mr. H turned his eyes back on him, stroking his chin. “No fooling?”

Neku leaned back in his chair. “Yeah,” he said. “I’m studying graphic art at TKU.”

The man laughed, snickering out the side of his mouth as though he had found a particularly good joke. Unlike with Joshua, though, the sudden laughter didn’t leave him feeling mocked. “Well isn’t that a pleasant coincidence. I’m starting to think boss has a type.”

The statement made his mind stutter for a second, jumping to all of the conclusions, before Mr. H grinned and looked back as Joshua over his shoulder.

“Only artists good enough for you, boss?”

Joshua scoffed. “Oh, _yes._ It seems I’m slowly drawing the entire artistic community of Shibuya into the sucking black hole that is my acquaintanceship.”

Mr. H leaned back against one of the tables. Something about it made Neku squint his eyes—he had the same easy grace, he realized, that Joshua always held himself with at any given situation—just less obviously dramatic. It was like they were on the same vibe. Calming ( _why?_ ), he understood how someone like this could be Joshua’s friend.

The man _tsked_ softly. “Aw, boss. You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

Joshua just sighed, put-upon. “I wouldn’t put anything past you.” In a flawless maneuver, he spun around in the stool to face them, leaning elegantly on the counter. "Neku," he said carefully, Neku watching him to see what he was going to say, " _also_ tags." Something devious twinkled in Joshua's eyes as he added, _"He's a Cat fan."_

_"Really?"_ Now Hanekoma was looking to him with genuine interest. "Now that _is_ interesting."

Neku shrugged slightly, leaning into the table a little harder to distract from the feeling of the attention being turned on him. "Nothing crazy," he said, scratching at the back of his neck for lack of anything better to do. "Just little stuff here and there."

Hanekoma hummed thoughtfully. "That's cool, man. Man after my own heart." He smiled down at him, and it was so weird—the guy had the kind of face that made Neku feel like he had known the guy forever. "You got any examples?"

The man gestured to his phone, and yeah—actually, he did have some pics of his work on there. "Oh—yeah. One sec."

He shuffled through his photos before handing the phone over. "The—the next five or so. Not sure how long ago those were? Sometime in the summer."

The man he assumed to own the place took a once-over his work, while Joshua watched him carefully, pretending to be on his phone. It did make him feel a little weird—hadn't Joshua come here to visit his friend? Neku didn't mean to, like…take over the visit or something.

Joshua seemed to notice that he was feeling a little out of place, and he waved a hand at him. “I thought you two might get on. No worries. We’ll get on to _our_ business in due time.”

_…he said, with an obscene amount of suggestiveness. Of course._ Neku tugged on the collar of _Joshua’s freaking scarf(!),_ averting his eyes.

The scruffy man slowly nodded, though. "Yeah, yeah," he mused, pushing down his shades a bit to squint at the screen. "I saw this one," he said eventually. "Good color work. The magenta really makes the green pop. Your line work's really clean, too. You can tell you've got a whole composition planned here. S' smart." Hanekoma handed his phone back, flashing him a grin with teeth that were way too white for someone whose profession was the coffee business. " _Nice._ You've got talent."

He wasn't planning to get an in-depth breakdown of his work out of this. He couldn't help but redden. "Uh, thanks," he said, gingerly taking back the phone.

The man's eyes were bright—Neku felt like he was staring _into_ him. "We'll have to tag together sometime. I'd like to see that talent in action."

He nodded back. “Uh, yeah. That would be cool.” _Wonder what kind of stuff a guy like this would make?_ He _was_ curious.

There was a little ding, and Mr. H straightened. “Hey! The beans are done. One sec, boys.”

The coffee was…not great. He wasn’t sure what about it seemed off to him, but as he sipped it, he understood why this place might be underperforming. _Too bad. He seems like a nice guy._

They chatted for a little while, Joshua getting into a debate with Mr. H over whether or not a street nearby had been named after one thing or another (“I’m just saying, there are records that such a family exits—“ “And I’m sure they’re so grateful for being able to claim that history for themselves, but it was just a rumor they adapted—“). Neku, for his part, was pretty lost, but the atmosphere seemed comfortable enough that he was content to sip his shitty coffee.

Eventually, Mr. H got up, re-filling his cup for the third time. “You boys hungry? I could whip up something over the old stove. I make a mean bouillabaisse.”

Joshua slid off his stool, carefully brushing away particles on his clothing that weren’t there. “Actually, Neku and I are going out for lunch after this. I wanted to lose the deadweight first, though.”

Mr. H looked to Neku, shooting a thumb at Joshua. “You see how he treats me? So cold.” He shook his head.

“You’re just as bad, Sanae. Come along, Neku.”

“Ah-ah,” Mr. H raised a finger, and Joshua sighed. “Forgetting something?”

“Fine,” Joshua said, overly exasperated, but he didn’t seem to actually care. Neku watched as he went to fish his wallet out of his pocket.

_Hey, wait—_ Neku sputtered, “He’s charging us?!” _I thought they were just having coffee as friends?!_

Mr. Hanekoma shot him a grin. “Got to make a living somehow.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Joshua’s mouth tug into a little smile, and he noticed him throw in a couple of twenties. “Supporting local hermits,” he said, and Hanekoma cackled, giving a little bow.

“Much obliged.”

As they started to head out for real, though, Mr. H put a hand on his shoulder. “Actually Neku, could I talk to you for a minute?”

Once again, he found himself deferring to Joshua _(agh,_ when had that started! It was embarrassing now that he had noticed it.) He saw the man watching the barista with narrow eyes, almost warning.

…but, slowly he continued out the door to stand outside. Neku could just see him pull out his phone out at the corner of the building. For just a flash, he caught a violet eye peering back in his direction.

As he turned back to Hanekoma, he was unprepared for the more solemn look on the man’s face. “So,” he said, “how has he been doing?”

The question caught him a little off-guard, before he remembered what Joshua had said about his own role in his life. _I was hoping having someone else to take care of things would free me up to concentrate on my work_ , or something like that. Hanekoma must have known about it. _Oh._

Neku peered back to his “client,” wondering how much it was actually okay to share. Eventually, he decided an update wasn’t going to hurt. “…he’s still struggling,” he said. He peered away, feeling uncomfortable under the sudden scrutiny. “He hasn’t been able to write anything still. It’s really getting to him.”

The man tilted his head. “Is he going out?”

Neku paused at the question. “Uh. Yeah? We’ve gone some places.”

Hanekoma nodded slowly. “Anything else?”

_What’s with the third degree?_ “Uh. He’s been…talking about his feelings? I’ll be honest, I’m not sure what you’re looking for here.”

The barista looked at him, hands in his pockets. “Hm.” He paused, and then he asked, “…what did he hire you for, exactly?”

Neku’s heart jumped, and he flushed. _He knows Joshua’s paying me?_ That re-contextualized their whole conversation. _At least he was courteous about it_. Still, he was relieved to know that Mr. H didn’t know for _what_. He would have been humiliated if the guy knew Josh had picked him up on a _companion website._

Even so, he had _asked him not to go throwing that info around!_ He was going to have to kick Joshua’s ass, for sure. He realized, then, he still hadn’t answered. “I’m, uh. Like a personal assistant, kind of?”

The man narrowed his eyes. “You mean he didn’t tell you?”

The question was so unexpected, something sinking in his chest at the seriousness in the man’s eyes. “I…I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Slowly, Hanekoma leaned back. “…huh.” He grinned, a little, but it looked strained. “Ha. Ho, boy. I’m gonna’ have to kill that kid.”

Neku furrowed his brows, his concern _not_ alleviated. “Why? What’s up?”

But Mr. H shook his head. “Nah. Sorry. That’s something he’s going to have to tell you himself.” The man reached over, patting him amicably on the bicep. “You’re good to go. You crazy kids be good, alright?”

Okay, this was really weird. Befuddled, all he could think of to say was, “Yeah,” before turning and heading for the door.

Still, his mind was reeling. What the _hell_ had that been about?

His questions, though, were subsumed as he remembered he had a more immediate problem. _Oh, shit._

It was time for the ‘date.’

Neku could only imagine how agonizing this was about to be.

Joshua looked up from his phone, his despondent expression melting into something pleased. His _too-freaking-pretty_ eyes twinkled with sadistic glee. “Well, then. Shall we?”


	7. A Date to Keep

The place that Joshua had picked for them was just on the borderline of being fancy. It had dark red curtains blocking out the muggy lighting from outside, and the tables inside were large and round and quiet. Music played softly in the background, and Neku peered around at the better-dressed patrons feeling a bit out of place. Sure, he'd put on a dress shirt for the day, but he was otherwise wearing just a pair of dark-washed jeans. Of course, with Joshua, you never could tell where he was going. He was always wearing more than Neku’s monthly pay head-to-toe (well, erm, except, perhaps, this month.)

When the hostess spied Joshua, her face lit up, and she immediately led them to a table near the back. _Wow. Is he really that well known here?_ “You must come here pretty often, I guess,” he said as the hostess walked away.

“I do enjoy this place,” he replied. “A little class never hurt anyone.” Joshua smiled suggestively as he took his own place on the other side of the table, stripping off his coat. “It will be sure to give us some privacy.”

And _boy,_ if that didn’t come off like a threat.

Neku glanced around, and he wasn’t wrong—there were a couple of filled tables scattered around, but they were spaced to where you almost couldn’t see the other people unless you were actively turning your head. “I guess,” he murmured.

Silence settled back in and he grew gradually tenser, unsure what he was supposed to be doing. Eventually, Joshua sighed. “Come on, Neku. Surely, you’ve done this before.”

Neku sat up, leaning on the table as he frowned. “Yeah. I mean, of course I have. It’s just...this is a little weird, isn’t it?”

“Is it?” Joshua leaned back in the chair, bringing a hand to his chin contemplatively. “It doesn’t _have_ to be. Think about it—complete strangers meet to go out all the time online. I would at least say we’ve bypassed that stage.”

The corner of Neku’s mouth tugged downward _. I guess that’s true? But those people aren’t usually being paid for it. “_ So, what. I should just act like we just met up, or something?”

Joshua gave a soft hm. It was entirely facetious. “That might be a way to start.”

“But...” He paused.

But he didn’t _like_ Joshua. Not in a romantic sense; hell, maybe not even on a basic level. He just...didn’t like him. When people were actually dating, it was usually the case that they at least had some sort of attraction, right? Except on some of those weird reality tv shows. Otherwise, what was the point?

Did Joshua just want him to fake it? He didn’t know if he could even do that.

“Neku.”

He found himself turning his gaze away. “Do you...do this kind of thing often?”

He regrated asking it almost immediately. He had wondered if he was the first, but even once Joshua explained the circumstances, how normally the other man treated their arrangement gave him pause.

“...no,” Joshua said eventually. He folded his hands on the table before himself. “I’ve never brought any dates here before.”

Neku narrowed his eyes. “What about the service? Am I the first one?”

Joshua’s violet eyes caught on him carefully from across the table. “Would that make you jealous, Neku? To know that I’ve taken other poor unfortunates under my wing?”

Neku’s eyes widened, and he clenched his hands in the tablecloth. “What?”

Joshua watched him, propping his chin on the heel of his palm. “That’s very cute, Neku. Not to worry, though, partner. As I said, your handsome face is the only one that caught my eye.”

He scowled, ignoring the compliment—probably, as everything, another weak attempt to throw him off. “Like I’m worried about anything like that,” he scoffed.

“Sure,” his ‘client’ purred.

Neku jumped as the space that had previously been open beside him was suddenly filled. He looked up to see a friendly looking guy standing over them. His nametag read Fumi. “Thank you for your patience. And good to see you again, sir.”

Neku frowned. _Guess I know where I sit on the totem pole here. Some service._

Joshua just smiled amicably. “I’ll have a glass of today’s red, if you don’t mind. And Neku...?”

He glanced up from over the menu. Grumbling, he said, “Just water, thanks _.” I’d rather not be compromised around this guy._ (He didn’t think too hard about whether that fear was placed on his own actions or the other’s. That should have been obvious. Right?)

“No problem.” Fumi jotted down the orders. “Do we know what we want to eat yet, or...”

“The wagyu strip, medium well,” Joshua recited back quickly, “with the leek and potato soup, please.”

Wasn’t even going to ask him, huh? _Well, I guess I’m giving my order, then._ “Uh.” He glanced back over the menu that he’d only briefly glanced over as he was waiting for Joshua to drop him whatever vital social cue he was missing (he never did.) “How about the ribs, I guess? The half-rack.”

As he should have expected, probably, Joshua gave a disapproving sigh. _“Really?”_

Neku growled, slapping the menu back down limply on the table. “Okay, what _now?”_

Rather than replying to him, Joshua turned his attention back to the waiter. “Of course, my dear, dear Neku has no idea how not to eat with any class. I apologize.”

The waiter faltered. “I...”

_Hey! Now, that’s bullshit. Ribs are a perfectly legitimate option. They’re a choice cut. Everyone likes ribs. Stuck-up piece of..._ still, the implication brought the picture to Neku’s mind of trying to navigate a rack of ribs over the kind of fancy place-setting they were working with. He glanced around, feeling suddenly more self-conscious. _It’s not as if I couldn’t pick something “classier” if I wanted._ Frowning stubbornly, to prove a point, he picked the menu back up. “Actually, if I could get the ribeye instead. Medium.” He paused. “Uh, with the minted potatoes, please.”

“O-kay.” The waiter nodded shortly, Joshua shooting him a smug look from across the table. “I’ll have that right out.”

As the guy walked away, Neku turned back to Joshua with narrowed eyes. “Why’d you have to be so dramatic about that, anyways? I know what I like.”

Joshua just smiled though, plucking through the pages of the table-side dessert menu as though he hadn’t even picked up on Neku’s annoyance. “It’s a steakhouse,” he said simply, satisfaction in his voice. “You’ll enjoy it more.”

Neku sat back in the seat, still irritated. _If that was the problem, you could make a recommendation without causing a scene. Then again, what am I thinking? It’s this fucking guy. Everything has to be some kind of power play._

“But I do come here quite often; you are right about that.”

There was something sly in the softness of Joshua’s smile, his eyes dark. _Like he’s plotting something._ Neku was going to have to keep on his toes to avoid any covert bullshit here.

His client continued, “I like the food here. And the staff are particularly courteous.”

Neku glanced back at the guy who was retreating. “They know you’re rolling in money, you mean,” he grumbled.

“Perhaps that is true. What can I say?” Joshua shrugged. “I tip well. If they go out of their way to give me what I pay them for, then that’s simply being smart about it, dear.”

“Why does that feel like a jab?” Neku narrowed his eyes, placing his elbows to lean on them on the table, which Joshua eyed with displeasure.

“They don’t bite the hand that feeds them, is all,” Joshua said nonchalantly..

“Are you saying I do?”

“Hm.” Joshua hummed softly. “It wouldn’t hurt you to warm up a bit. Though, I do like your fire.” There was obvious implication in the words, but it felt almost...mild. A gentle reminder that the guy had a one-track mind.

Neku snorted. “I’ll be sure and do that.”

He sat up as a shadow moved into the space beside him. Fumi was back.

The man smiled at them. He placed a basket of a rich-looking bread on the table, along with both their drinks. “Your bread. Your food should be out shortly.”

“Thank you _very_ much,” Joshua purred, leaning primly on his folded hands as the man grinned bashfully, giving a short bow before walking away.

Neku watched the exchange uncomfortably. “...yeah, thanks,” he murmured as well. _Huh. Not just me, I guess._ Neku...wasn’t sure how that made him feel.

Turning his attention back to Neku, Joshua almost seemed to pout. “For one thing, I feel I hardly know anything about you,” he mused, peering off wistfully before his gaze darted back, expectant. His eyes moved in the direction their waiter had just left in. “By contrast, take our dear waiter, Fumi. I see him all the time. I even know _him_ better, I would say.” He paused, taking a sip of his wine. The refraction of light off the liquid cast a pale spark of red in his eyes, and he gazed carefully over the rim. Lowering his voice, he continued, “For instance, I happen to know that he just broke up with his boyfriend a month ago.”

_That...seems like an oddly specific example_. He narrowed his eyes. “Okay?”

Across the table, taking a delicate bite of bread, Joshua watched him carefully. “...you claim, dear, that you’re not interested in me at all. Am I right about that?”

There’s no ‘claim’ about it. Neku snorted. “And here I thought you’d never take the hint.”

“Hm.” Joshua hummed softly, finishing off his tiny slice of bread, his tongue passing briefly over his lips as he glanced away as if in contemplation. There was tension in the noise, and Neku sat back, suspicious. Then, Joshua’s eyes came back to rest on him. In a soft voice, he said, “...if that’s the case, you wouldn’t care if I fucked him, then?”

It took a second for the words to process, and when they did, Neku choked on his water. The words stood in his mind like a flash grenade as he recovered, wiping his mouth. _If he...?_ He could feel his face burning. Leaning across the table, he hissed, _“What?”_

“You heard me.” Joshua’s tone was impactfully calm, though his vibrant eyes burned mischievous in the darkness of the dim restaurant. “He’s a handsome guy, Neku. I’m sure you noticed.”

_Sure, I noticed, but what does that have to do with—?!_

Joshua leaned languidly on one elbow, the same thing he had looked at Neku with disapproval for just earlier. But he seemed single-minded, watching Neku’s face with rapt fascination, posture almost sultry. “He’s sure to be a little lonely, don’t you think? You might not be aware of this, Neku, but _some_ people do prefer the comfort of another human’s touch. As often as I’ve spoken with the man, and with his awareness of my _own_ merits, I don’t think he’d be opposed.” He subtly narrowed his eyes, which glimmered like a cat closing in on a cornered rat. “So if I asked him to come home with me, perhaps for drinks after his shift, and I let him fuck me, you wouldn’t have a problem with that, right Neku?”

This guy never failed to fucking blindside him. Neku sat frozen, hands poised like martial arts poses above the tabletop, Joshua staring across at him with that smug fucking look. Finally, he sputtered, “ _Wha_ —how am I supposed to respond to that?!”

Joshua cocked an eyebrow. “It’s a simple yes or no question, Neku.”

Something in the prior sentence, which he was still _fucking processing at this point, what the hell—_ caught up to him, and the heat in his face deepened. He hissed, “ _And_ —and what do you mean let him fuck _you_?”

Joshua let out a light breath of amusement through his nose. “I mean what I said. Hm. I’m not sure whether to be flattered at your recognition of my dominating personality, or offended that you thought my masculinity was so fragile you thought I’d look down on the other preference. I consider myself fairly adaptable to the needs of my partner, if you’re so interested in the specifics. And yes, feel absolutely free to read the double meaning out of that sentiment.” The man studied him for a second before his eyes widened in interest. “Unless...that _changes_ anything?”

Neku gripped the edge of the tablecloth, gaping in indignation. He didn’t think he’d ever whisper-shouted before, but there was a time and place for everything, especially when you’re on a _fake date with your promiscuous boss!_ _“Why would that change anything?!”_

Joshua gave a coy, single-shouldered shrug. “You tell me.”

“It doesn’t!” Betraying him, his thoughts leapt to the question at hand, and _—fuck! Why do I always end up picturing this guy having sex?!_

Joshua smiled. “You _don’t_ mind, then?”

“Here we are.”

Neku jumped about five feet in the air as Fumi suddenly reappeared beside him, and he flushed even harder. _Oh god PLEASE tell me he didn’t catch any of that!_

Fumi smiled politely, though, seeming none the wiser to the conversation that had just been revolving around him.

Neku plastered himself back to his seat as the man set a steaming plate of steak in front of him, the savory smell of meat and mashed potatoes filling the air.

Joshua, the bastard, just gave the man an amicable nod, saying thank you as though he hadn’t just been talking about sleeping with the waiter. He carefully unfolded his silverware, beginning to slice a bit off his wagyu, which, honestly, looked really, really good.

Heartbeat calming, he peered down to his own meal, which, unfortunately, looked pretty delicious. Slicing into it as he waited for the red in his face to fade, he found that it was cooked just right, and his mouth began to water. Reluctantly, he took a bite, and— “...okay, this is really good.”

Joshua straightened in his chair, rolling his shoulders back. “I told you you’d like it.”

Damn him. This was really good steak. The umami of the meat and the salt on his tongue combined with the fresh mint and butteriness in the potatoes. He never imagined that would be a good combination, but it really was. That didn’t mean he wasn’t still mad. “What the hell was that, anyways? Are you trying to make the folks around us think I’m nuts, or what?” He could only imagine what his reactions must have looked like to the people sitting around them. They probably thought he was losing it. He was not going to take responsibility for that; that was _all. Fucking. Joshua._

Joshua giggled, before humming almost obscenely in satisfaction at his food. “Just messing with you, Neku. If I was going to sleep with anyone, I don’t think it’s my duty to report to you about it.” He pulled the fork from his mouth after another bite, sucking juice off the end and _how did he not look stupid doing that?_ He paused, smirking. “Unless it _is_ a problem?”

“You wish,” Neku mumbled. _The only problem is how weird you’re making it talking about your sex life in the middle of the restaurant like a maniac. Who does that?_ The whole conversation put a pit in his stomach. Which was because he was uncomfortable, and _not for any other reasons_.

Another giggle. “You just have such a teaseable face.” Joshua purred. “Not to worry, Neku. You’re the only one I want to spend quality time with.”

_...Aaand he’s back._ Neku shook his head. “Really? I hadn’t guessed.” He was ignoring the strange satisfaction that statement called up in him. He frowned slightly. _‘S just nice, being wanted sometimes._

They continued on their meal, the conversation finally (thank God) drifting away from the obscene. Joshua questioned him on his schedule, and Neku finally got to properly lecture him on how much of a horror Professor Hinohara was and why it was so important that _he never call him in the mornings_. Apparently, Beat had told Joshua (why?) that he’d always been “kinda’ closed off,” and that he was glad Neku had a new friend. That was embarrassing (but kind of nice, though he was going to have to correct Beat on the whole Joshua situation eventually,) so he took revenge by talking about the time Rhyme got Beat out of the house for a surprise party by asking him to go buy headlight fluid. That actually made Joshua laugh for real, which sounded pretty nice.

This guy was almost alright, when he wasn’t being an ass.

“Mm. So when’d you get into music?” He asked eventually, finishing up the last of his potatoes. The rest of his plate was clean—the steak really had been ridiculously good.

Joshua sighed, finishing off his second glass of wine. He was still acting fully composed; only the light bleariness in his eyes gave away that he might be _slightly_ tipsy. “Always, I suppose. We found out pretty early on that I had a talent for the piano, and my parents were thrilled—you can imagine.” The words were stated with an undertone of snark.

_Huh. “You_ weren’t?”

“Oh, no. I was. It was just that once they knew that little tidbit, it was all they could think about. They hired the best tutors, drilled me at the dinner table on terms when I was still learning; it was like it totally subsumed my life.”

Oh. Neku crossed his arms over the table. “Wow. I’m surprised you’re still playing. Never had one of those rebellious teenage phases where you hate anything your parents want you to do?” He tried to imagine what Joshua must have been like as a teenager. He could only imagine he was a little shit.

Joshua frowned, rubbing idly at one of his temples. “Unfortunately, the news about my ‘talents’ had caught on by then. It was no wonder—my parents never stopped talking about it. Eventually, it wasn’t just them that wanted me to keep pursuing piano; it was everyone.” He went quiet for a moment. “It felt like if I stopped, everyone that was counting on me would just consider me a failure. Everything around me would fall apart. After all, I didn’t have anything to fall back on.”

Neku wasn’t sure what to say. “That’s...really heavy,” he settled on eventually, which felt inadequate. There was a part of him that was irritated that the other man would complain about being able to have private tutors and the adoration of the people around him, but...he knew that was a juvenile impulse. He thought about being a kid, and having that amount of pressure on him all the time...he hadn’t reacted well to just his own parent’s expectations, let alone his whole community. “I’m sorry.”

Joshua’s violet eyes had cast to the table, soundlessly balancing the tip of his fork on the edge of his plate as he contemplated. He sighed, though, looking back up to his guest. “Well, I was apparently such a glutton for punishment that I carried on with it, so how can I complain?”

Something about the explanation didn’t sit right with Neku. He squinted. “Well...you said that was pretty much your whole life, right? Maybe you kept up with it...because you were used to it?”

“Mm. Perhaps.” Joshua tilted his head. His gaze was far away.

“I mean, there’s no saying you can’t do something else too. Or instead. You gotta’ be in charge of your own life, man.”

Joshua brought his hand up to stroke at his chin. “If you say so.” There was a moment of silence, Neku catching faint interjections from soft conversations happening at the well-spaced tables around them. He smiled, but it looked a little forced. “Megumi would be devastated.”

Neku scrunched his eyebrows. “That...conductor guy?”

“Yes,” Joshua replied wistfully. “He’s invested in my success, much the same as they were. He’s a good man, but...well. Sometimes I think he only sees me for my talents.” He looked up with a wry expression. “Sanae seems to want me to stop entirely. He’s completely insane, of course.”

It took a second for the name to register. _Oh. Mr. H._ That...surprised him? He must have a reason, though. Still, it seemed weird. Mr. H was an artist too, right? Why would he want Joshua to just...stop? He thought about it for a moment. “Well. Does it...make you happy?”

Joshua’s hand paused fiddling with his fork. After a moment, he smiled wryly. “Well, right now, it doesn’t.”

_Oh. The thesis thing._ Joshua was stuck. As Neku thought about it, the story gave Joshua’s level of stress with his project new context; this was the guy’s whole _life._

Unbothered by Neku’s silence, Joshua eventually shook his head, ash blond curls tousling meaninglessly around his shoulders. “I love the music too much. I couldn’t just leave it alone. I can’t help but imagine there’s always something better...” He trailed off. “Hm. Do you like music, Neku?”

His eyes snapped up. “Uh—yeah, I do.” He thought back to a couple of years ago, brushing at the collar of his shirt self-consciously. “I actually used to wear these huge headphones around everywhere? At least until my friends convinced me to stop. Now I just take them with me when I’m out alone.” _Or when I’m tagging._ “The stuff I like is pretty different from your sound, though.”

Joshua smiled. “Let me guess. Pounding base, lots of electronics?”

Neku frowned. “So what? I like an energetic beat.”

The other man’s expression turned devious again. “So, dance music. We should go clubbing sometime.”

Neku laughed. “Yeah, I don’t think so. I can’t imagine you dancing.”

Joshua sat back, looking affronted. “I might work in a more elegant genre, but I can hold a rhythm just fine. I think you’d be surprised.”

He smirked just before Neku felt the nudge of something against his calf. He jerked. “Wha—”

He stiffened, stopping himself from looking under the table as he realized what it was: at some point, Joshua must have nudged his shoe off, as Neku felt the toe of one socked foot trance gently up the inside of his calf.

Joshua peered across to him mockingly, resting both elbows on the table like a commoner as he sat lowly in his seat, trying to pretend nothing was happening. “... _unless_ you’re worried about our bodies moving together. No space between...”

Neku opened his mouth, red-faced, to tell him off, when—

A shadow returned beside him. “Thank you for your patience. Did you enjoy your meal?”

Neku nearly swore aloud.

Joshua beamed as their waiter returned, his wandering touch not pausing as it made its way up to Neku’s knee. “It was delicious, thank you,” he purred.

Neku inhaled sharply, struggling not to show that anything was wrong. “Yeah, thanks,” he said, hurried. _That bastard! Did he plan this?!_

If Waiter Fumi noticed anything, he didn’t react. “Good to hear,” he hummed as he collected their dishes. “Anyone up for dessert?”

_“No,”_ Neku shot out.

Joshua smiled innocently. “Oh, I don’t know! What do you have that’s good right now?”

Neku swallowed. _Asshole!_ He had to forcibly steady his breathing as Joshua’s toe circled his knee, before moving to just caress the furthest sector of his inner thigh. He tensed. _Shit, that was really close to his—_

“Oh,” Fumi said, looking surprised. “Sure! Well, the orange glazed cheesecake is really refreshing this time of year. If you’re looking for something lighter, we have a tiramisu that’s popular.”

_“Go on,”_ Joshua purred.

_F-fuck..._ Neku clenched his fists under the table as Joshua drew slow little circles just inside his knee. The bastard knew exactly what he was doing, the gentle going _straight_ to his dick. He could have closed his legs, but that would just trap the other guy’s foot between his knees, and he didn’t trust like that even more.

“Hm,” Fumi seemed to think about it. “Oh! If you like chocolate, we have a rich chocolate torte as well. Those are the primary ones that are doing well right now. There are other options, of course—the menu has more details.”

“Huh,” Joshua nodded as Neku grit his teeth against the teasing touch so close to his dick. Finally, he sat up a little straighter, Neku sighing aloud as the pressure lightened a little, but didn’t totally disappear. “You know? I changed my mind, actually. I think I’m okay to go, thank you.”

Looking perplexed, Fumi nodded. “Okay, then. I’ll be right back with your check.”

He left and Neku slumped back against the chair, glaring heated across the table. _“Joshua.”_

His client smiled like a crook. “What’s wrong, Neku?”

“You _—uhn—_ fucking _know_ what’s wrong,” he panted. _Fuck._ He was hard. His dick strained against the denim of his jeans, his boxers the only thing that stopped it from being completely obvious.

Joshua’s violet eyes bored into him, asking. “Mm. Are you mad at me, Neku?”

_“What do you think,”_ he growled.

“You haven’t told me to stop.”

The words made him pause, realizing belatedly that no, he hadn’t. But the teasing sensation held his tongue. The guy was almost getting him off at this point. It wasn’t like he wanted him to keep going, it just—it felt good, was all. _Bastard._

After a moment, he forced the word out, finally telling him to _“Stop.”_

Immediately, Joshua’s wandering touch ceased, and Neku’s stupid body lamented the absence. He heard the slight tap of Joshua sliding his expensive dress-shoe back on, and then the man just looked at him. After a minute of Neku desperately begging his body to stop being _so damn turned on already,_ Joshua murmured, “Going to pull the plug?”

It took Neku a second to remember what the fuck Joshua was talking about, before he remembered the contract. There was a moment or two where he really thought about it. Technically, the guy had only touched his leg, but his intent was so obviously provocative. Eventually, breathing heavily, he said, “You’re an ass.”

Joshua said nothing. Just watching.

Fumi brushed by the table for just a second, thanking them as Joshua filled out the check, one eye on Neku’s expression.

Once their waiter was gone, Neku stood, no longer on the verge of embarrassing himself. He grabbed his bag of art supplies. “...get your damn coat.”

Joshua grinned triumphantly, pulling his coat back on.

Without saying anything else, Neku briefly shot Josh the finger and headed for the rest room to fucking _adjust._

As he emerged from the rest room, finishing up drying his hands, he scanned the room for Joshua, frowning when he couldn’t find him. _Where...?_

His eyes adjusted again to the darkness and he spied a mess of pale blond curls in the distance, back by their table. He squinted, then made out Joshua standing there, mid-conversation with Fumi the waiter.

Neku frowned, but just impatiently stuck his hands in his pockets. _What is he doing?_

A minute passed, and he saw Joshua giggle into his hand. Fumi was facing away from him, so he couldn’t see the man’s face. _They’ve been going since before I got out. What are they talking about?_

For just a second, he saw Joshua’s gaze flick over to him, half-lidded.

A thought struck him, and he stiffened. _Wait a minute. He’s not...?_ He mentally faltered. _He said he was kidding. He’s not actually asking that guy back to the loft is he?_

_Actually, he just said he wouldn’t tell you._

The thought struck him strangely, leaving him almost.. _.offended_ as he watched Joshua bat his eyes at Fumi the waiter. _The guy has the nerve to pull something like that and then—_

It just...

Neku frowned.

After a couple more minutes of stewing, Joshua came sauntering back up to the front in his well-fitting coat, face slightly flushed from the alcohol. “Thank you for your patience, dear. We can go now.”

Neku didn’t say anything, heading outside with his bag, holding open the door wordlessly as Joshua passed through. “Ah. I do appreciate these pleasant surprises, Neku, keep it up—”

Sunset fell along the street behind them, the faintest streaks of blue starting to work into the horizon line. They had little more than passed the front window when Neku turned, yanking the other man into the space between the two buildings.

Joshua gave a curious noise about half a second before Neku pushed him back against the brick and shut him up with his mouth.

Joshua’s lips were soft—guy had to use Chapstick, or something. Plush, in a way that made him think about sex. Neku was caught off-guard by the lingering taste of wine as he licked insistently into Joshua’s too-fucking-cocky mouth, something about even the flavor intoxicating on another man’s tongue. Joshua’s fingers tightened where they were caught between his, and he just pressed in firmer, bringing their bodies flush. The too-well-tailored coat seemed to fall in the gaps around them, no longer enough of a barrier to prevent him from feeling Joshua’s solid chest against his own.

Joshua quickly reciprocated, tongue teasing and stroking his as the bastard smiled sly against his lips. The guy apparently managed to slip one of his hands free, as he reached forward to curl it around Neku’s nape, kissing him deeper, slower. The erotic sensation set a coil of something hot in Neku’s belly. Joshua gave a soft moan as Neku sucked on his tongue.

They broke briefly, Neku opening his eyes long enough to catch Joshua’s stupidly pretty ones, dark with arousal. “That, Neku,” he panted, smug, “is called _jealousy.”_

“Shut _up,_ ” Neku groaned, fucking _done_. Rolling his hips forward, he caught the other man’s mouth again, stealing his breath. He was light-headed. His heart jumped at the tell-tale hardness against his dick. _Shit._

Pulling back, Joshua murmured teasingly, “Would you like to come back to the loft, _Neku?”_ His smirk was _so damn triumphant._

Neku scowled as he tore away, reaching down to grab his bag. His heart was pounding. The air caught the condensation of his heated breath, misting the air between them. He panted, “Let’s just fucking _go_ already.”

Turns out, he was not, in fact, okay with Joshua fucking the waiter.


	8. Warned Myself, but Not Enough

Joshua smoothly extracted the loft key from his coat pocket, clicking the lock open as Neku stood close behind him.

"You're crowding my light," the man murmured, and Neku got more in the way just to spite him. He didn’t say anything, afraid that an argument might dissipate the anticipation that hummed through his body.

Joshua scoffed. "Petty."

The moment Joshua got the door open and they both made it through, Neku dropped his bag and pushed him back against it, bringing their mouths together again. He tilted his head to find a better angle as the man’s hands threaded in his hair, Joshua giving a soft, satisfied noise against his mouth. He stroked his tongue over the other’s, holding each side of Joshua’s face to keep their lips locked instead of giving this asshole a chance to talk. 

Moving, Joshua's grip stroked appreciatively down his back, coaxing a shiver out of him. Neku scowled as Joshua squeezed his ass.

_"Watch it,"_ he pulled back to hiss before moving to latch onto Joshua’s neck instead, sucking possessively at his pulse. "You're on _thin fucking ice_."

The man below him gave a pleased hum, head thunking back against the door. Eyes dipping closed, he murmured, "And here I thought you had given in to my wiles."

He wasn’t going to deny _wanting_ to grind up against the body underneath him, not after swan-diving so horrifically off the bridge of his sanity, but that didn’t mean he was just going along with _anything._ "If you'll recall,” he muttered, re-capturing Joshua’s mouth in short, hot bursts, "You—were the one—trying to get me off under the table."

"And I think the results speak for themselves." Joshua leaned forward, catching the rim of his ear to nibble.

He ignored the goosebumps that pricked up on his neck. He didn’t want to let Joshua in on how much of a hot spot those were for him. Instead, he shrugged him of, murmuring, “Like I said. Maybe I just wanted you to stop talking for once.”

He could feel Joshua smile, the man nuzzling against Neku's jaw. He giggled, but there was something sultry in its lowness that, admittedly, _did something_ to him. “Then, by all means— _feel free to keep me quiet.”_

The many implications of the words washed over him, possibilities flashing through his mind of ways he might ‘ _keep him quiet.’_ Heat rushed to his ears, and he realized that was absolutely Joshua’s intention. At the same time, the thoughts gave him pause. He was just kind of going on instinct here. He wasn’t sure where he wanted this to go. Fine, he didn’t want Joshua to fuck that other guy, but the awareness of his circumstances lingered in the back of his mind.

His client hummed, voice low, "Let's take this somewhere more comfortable, shall we?"

Neku was annoyed, but not surprised, when Joshua led him to the couch on the third floor. For just a second, he saw Joshua pause at the sight of his work desk and piano in the corner. _Guess he didn’t think that through._

Just as quick, though, Neku pushed him back onto the couch, where he landed with an _oof_. Neku wasted no time climbing over the other man, distracting him with the press of his lips again.

The heat and pressure of their mouths together was good. Intimate. He...wasn’t sure where to go from here; this was unlike any date he’d ever been on, and he still wasn’t totally happy with himself for wanting this. Still, it was good enough that he didn’t want to break it.

There was a moment where Joshua returned his favor from earlier, sucking gently on the end of his tongue, and the gentle wet noise took hold of him, Neku groaning softly into Joshua’s mouth.

The other man seemed to take this a cue. Neku was confused for a couple seconds when Joshua broke off, catching his breath only to look down and see Joshua gathering up the hem of his cashmere sweater to pull it off. Neku’s breath caught, bolts of both arousal and shame hitting him simultaneously.

When he placed his hand over the folded fabric, Joshua’s bright eyes looked up at him in curiosity. “Hm? There a problem, Neku?”

Neku sat back—somewhat counter-productive, as the position aligned their crotches in a tense moment of possibility. He kept his hand in place, though, and slowly, Joshua let go of the fabric. “Hold on,” Neku said, and Joshua tilted his head at him, eying him curiously. “I don’t know if...can we just...stick with this, for now?” He hated how young, how inexperienced he sounded, even if he knew his reasons were nothing like that.

Joshua lowed his hands, looking surprised. Slowly, though, he smiled, soft and sultry. He folded one arm behind his head, the other sprawled over the couch arm behind them. “Sure, partner,” he purred. “I’m happy to follow _your_ lead on this one. After all, you obviously know what you want—”

The ‘ _me_ ’ went unsaid, but Neku still shot him a look anyways—

“—and I’m a patient man.”

A weight and nervousness fell off of him, and he found it in him to snort playfully. “That is a damn lie,” he said. Nothing about Joshua was patient.

Joshua shrugged. “Mm, well—”

Neku leaned forward, kissing him again and muffling his noise of surprise. The man melted back into his own state of satisfaction, returning it enthusiastically.

So far, its efficiency at shutting him up had been above and beyond.

Their impromptu make-out session lasted surprisingly long. At some point, their kissing had turned deep and languid, falling silent for extended periods of time while they slowed to explore each other’s mouths more thoroughly, bodies laid out together. The sensual undercurrent that set in made him wonder if he _wasn’t_ willing to let it escalate, maybe pin the other man to the back of the couch an grind a little...but by then he was so comfortable that he didn’t want to move.

He realized about how late it was when he turned and noticed that night had fully set in. He swore, pulling away from Joshua, who sat up as well. “I have homework,” he said. That damn paper—he needed to turn in his first draft in the morning.

“School? Who needs it,” Joshua joked flippantly. He leaned upright against the back of the couch, lips thoroughly kissed, pale curls a mess—the sight reminded Neku that _he’d_ done that, hadn’t even worked very _hard_ to do that, and his chest burned with a sort of hot satisfaction. It was weird not to hear mocking in the man’s voice, but he sounded almost congenial. Joshua batted his eyes. “It’s pretty late out there. Sure you don’t want to stay the night?”

He was almost surprised at the offer, except that he was sure it was a pass. “Yeah, no. Better luck next time.” He stretched, heading for the stairs. 

He was just about to head down when Joshua’s voice called out again. “Say, Neku?”

He turned, looking back.

Joshua had kicked one delicate foot up on the table, sprawling back casually on the couch. It reminded Neku of the day he’d arrived at the loft, yet to sign his contract—the way Joshua had seemed to take up at much space as possible, posed just like that on his couch. It was hard to believe that he had only been working for him for a couple of weeks now.

The man had one eye closed, almost as though he was planning to fall asleep the moment Neku was gone. He said, “You _are_ going to come back, aren’t you?”

Neku frowned. “Huh?”

Joshua frowned. “I’m _not_ going to wake up to a _strongly_ worded email explaining that I’ve offended your delicate sensibilities, and you’ll never be darkening my doorway again, am I?”

The words were more on-par from what Neku had come to expect from Joshua: vaguely insulting, overly dramatic, flippant. Still, there was _something_ in his tone. Neku couldn’t pin-point exactly what it was. Hesitant, almost. Sightly different than that.

It made Neku narrow his eyes, mouth twitching downward. “Yeah,” he said finally. “I’ll be back.”

From this far back, he could see Joshua relax into the couch cushions. “Good man,” Joshua chirped, smiling dangerously. “Dream of me, won’t you?”

Neku flipped him off. “Goodnight, Joshua.”

Now, Neku just had to figure out where the hell to go from there.

He managed to stay up all night to slap together a hack-and-slash first draft to turn in, and so when he finally came into class, he was exhausted. He was surprised when he didn’t see Shiki, and he texted her on his way out.

**_Hey? Where were you?_ **

He waited around outside the classroom, noticing stacks of the posters Shiki had been left to put up covering every available surface. Dance recitals, end of year ceremonies, the concert thing. He wondered how long she’d end up spending on those, for how many of them there were.

After a minute of so, a text came through.

**_Hey! Sorry about bailing. I got pulling into something for the events committee again. I had to drop of my paper at like 7!! How did yours go?_ **

**_It’s a trash fire_ **

**_And that’s what first drafts are for!_ **

**_Revise together?_ **

**_Pretend to be Hinohara crying while we’re doing it?_ **

**_This is why you’re my favorite._ **

**_Hee hee!_ **

Neku smiled softly, even a few words from Shiki enough to make him forget all the crap that had been spiraling in his head. **_Want to hang out this afternoon?_**

**_Oh! Yeah! I was actually going to tell you! I’m helping Rhyme pick out her dress for graduation. Want to come?_ **

Normally, the thought of more shopping would have been an easy way to make him wilt. It felt like they hardly ever got to see Rhyme anymore, though; he could endure just a little bit more. **_Sure._** His fingers fiddled over the buttons, and he hesitated before typing in the rest of his sentence. ** _There’s actually something I wanted to talk to you about. What time?_**

Shiki shared the details, and he quickly sent back confirmation.

She typed back, **_See you then._** 😊

**_I’m there._ **

****

**104** was a zoo, which was absolutely normal in every way and nothing something that should have made him nervous. He couldn’t really help it—he’d always felt claustrophobic in crowds, and his nerves over the afternoon’s pending conversation had him on edge. It was better when he had someone else around to distract him.

Cue the girls.

He caught sight of them standing by a potted plant in the food court, and they waved him over. “Hey,” he said as he got close, scanning the area. “No Beat or Eri?”

Shiki shook her head sadly. “They couldn’t make it.”

Turning, he smiled to see Rhyme looking across to his from the opposite side of the table. It was still weird to see her at nearly the same height as himself, and just served to remind him of how absolutely average in height he was. Not short at all.

Compact, at most. No fat, all wiry muscle, so nothing to complain about.

He reached across, giving her a fist-bump. She was wearing a pumpkin, plaid pair of skirt-pants that he knew Shiki probably either hated or loved. Hard to tell. Fashion was an enigma. Either way, her face maintained the calm serenity that Neku consistently admired in her when the rest of them were constantly losing their shit. “Hey,” he said. “Long time no see. How’s school?”

Rhyme sighed. “Mid-terms are coming up. I’m just trying to get a break from cramming before the year’s out.”

“Then just one more semester, huh?”

“Yep! Hard to believe it.” Eyes brightening, she gently pushed over a little tray of cinnamon bites. “We thought we’d get a snack before we ran around. Feel free to get something else if you want. I can give you something.”

Neku took a seat, frowning. “You don’t have to pay for my snacks, Rhyme; it’s fine.” He glanced to the side, snatching one of the bites. “Besides, I’ll just eat Shiki’s.”

Shiki gasped. “Hey! No fair.” Still, she didn’t stop him. “Meanie,” she grumbled afterward, taking one of her own and glaring playfully.

He’d buy her more if she wanted it. “Hey,” he said, sitting up. “Beat told me you got some kind of big scholarship?”

Shiki’s eyes widened. “Huh? Really? Awesome job, Rhyme!”

Rhyme grinned sheepishly, scratching at her cheek. “Ah, it’s no big accomplishment. They could have picked anyone. I’m just happy I got it. Applications have been a pain in the butt.”

Neku quirked an eyebrow. “You say that as if you haven’t been done for weeks.” At Rhyme’s expression, he amended. “He didn’t tell me that. I just know you.”

She shrugged. “Waiting is the hard part anyways,” she said. “How about you? Shiki says you got some kind of job?”

Neku frowned, turning to look at her. “Not exactly something I was advertising,” he said lowly.

“Sorry,” Shiki whined. “I was just excited about it! You know Rhyme likes hearing about your stuff.”

Rhyme shook one finger. “Hey, don’t blame the wine. I’m not taking responsibility for that one.”

Shiki pointed to her. “You _did_ ask, though!”

Rhyme paused, then nodded. “Fair’s fair. I am curious, anyways.”

Neku frowned, eyes falling to his hands. He’d been planning to talk to Shiki about it anyways, but he wished she hadn’t blabbed. He didn’t really want the whole situation to become common knowledge—at least not until he decided how he felt about it.

She didn’t know, though. Not everything; not the reasons that he might have wanted to keep it to himself. Not like he could blame her (or would, even if he should.)

Across the table, Rhyme frowned at him. “Neku. Is...something wrong?”

Their table hushed for a second, the sounds of noisy mall-goers traversing around them. Shiki leaned towards him. “Hey, I’m sorry. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I forgot it was kind of a weird situation.”

...Sighing, Neku squeezed his eyes closed. “No, no—it’s fine,” he shook his head. “It’s just...ugh.” He dragged his palms down his face, hyperconscious of the sticky tips of his fingers. He turned his attention to Rhyme. “To give you a little bit of context, I got this offer a couple weeks ago for a month-long gig that paid stupidly well. Problem is, the guy’s an asshole.”

Rhyme subtly— _opp, there is was—_ folded her hands over the table. Counselor mode engaged. Rhyme had always done that, he had realized sometime after she’d picked the habit up; she’d just never had a visual cue for it before. “Alright?”

He groaned. “An _attractive_ asshole. He’s been on me from the beginning, but yesterday...” He shot Shiki a look, hoping she could read the ‘save me’ on his face. “...we kind of ended up making out?”

Shiki gasped. _“What?!_ Why am I just hearing about this _now?!”_

He raised an eyebrow. “Because it _just happened yesterday?”_

She blushed. “Oh yeah.”

His fingers threaded together. “And because I don’t know how to feel about it.”

Rhyme eyed him carefully, her perpetually calm eyes focused. “Do you not feel that way about him, then?”

“Feelings aren’t really the issue,” he grumbled, shooting Shiki a meaningful look, trying to avoid saying it out loud.

Shiki blinked back at him for a moment, before eventually her eyes widened and she whispered, _“Oh,”_ face reddening.

Slowly, Rhyme narrowed her eyes at them. “...you know I’m seventeen, right?”

Neku glanced away. “Ugh, yeah, yeah—sorry.” Man, it just felt _wrong_ to be talking about this kind of thing in front of Rhyme. It felt like Beat was going to appear out of nowhere and wail on him for like...corrupting her or something. Taking a deep breath, he said, “Guy’s been trying to get in my pants since day one. And...” Yikes, he lowered his voice, nerves and embarrassment seeping in. “I kind of want to let him?”

Rhyme sat back. “Ah.”

“But...you guys know I haven’t had a lot of relationships.” The two of them looked at each other, then slowly nodded. He hissed. “I just...don’t know how I feel about casual sex. I just...if I’m going to do it, it should mean something, right? It’s messy, so I don’t know if I want to...you know... _go there_ with anyone that I don’t fully trust _._ ” _I’d probably just end up regretting it. Especially with that guy. He’d probably gloat endlessly, knowing him_.

Shiki cooed softly, resting her chin in her hand. “That’s sweet, Neku.”

He flushed. This was embarrassing; he sounded like some kind of soppy romantic. “It’s not I’m waiting for marriage or something; you know there were those guys went out with in high school—"

Shiki shook her head. “No, no, I agree with you. That’s a really vulnerable moment. I know some people think about it differently, but I’m glad my first time was with Eri.”

He blinked at her. “It was?” They’d been together for a while now, but somehow, he hadn’t realized it was that long. Of course, he knew Shiki had pined after her for way longer than they had been dating. _Maybe that’s why._

“Yeah.” Her expression became dreamy, Rhyme giggling behind her. “I mean, maybe I would have appreciated some practice beforehand? But I feel like it meant more because the feelings were there. You know?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. His frown deepened. “Not only that, but...” he hesitated. Did he even _want_ to bring this up? He didn’t know if they would understand the problem without him giving the full context, but it had been on his mind for weeks—longer than he had even thought he might want to sleep with the guy. Glancing around, making sure no one else was nearby, he leaned further over the table. “...he’s paying me, right?”

Rhyme tilted her head slightly. “You don’t want to risk the job, or...?”

He shook his head. “I don’t...” He sighed. “He keeps throwing money at me, basically. Even for stuff not involved with the job. I don’t want to come out of this feeling like I sold myself.”

The problem with that little hang-up being that he basically _had._

He never should have signed up for the website. Forget the contact, forget Joshua, even—the longer he felt like he’d been _bought_ , the more gross he felt about himself. Sure, he had specified ‘no sex,’ but did that really matter if he _did it anyway?_

His gaze was unfocused, fixed non-specifically on the marbled gray pattern of the food court table. “The thought of sleeping with him makes me feel cheap. Like, shouldn’t I have more self-respect than that? I don’t know.”

“Huh.”

He looked up, and Rhyme was squinting at nothing, hand to her chin. “That is a sticky place to be in.”

He reached down, miserably taking another cinnamon bite while Shiki pat him on the back. “Tell me about it.”

Rhyme seemed to think about it for several minutes, her oversized black sleeve gradually slumping down her arm. “So...there’s no emotional attachment. At all?”

He gave a frustrated noise. “It’s—complicated. If you’re asking me if I’m _in love_ with the guy, no, I’m not.” He paused. How did he even explain their dynamic to someone on the outside? “I don’t want to date him, I just...don’t...want...anyone else to date him either.” His words slowed as he said them, realizing how stupid he sounded. Well, that’s how it was! What was he supposed to say?

“Uh... _huh_.” Rhyme slowly squinted at him.

“It’s not like that!” He burst out after several seconds of scrutiny.

Rhyme held up a hand. “It’s okay Neku. I believe you. Hm. Here’s a question, then: would you still want to sleep with him if you weren’t working for him? As in, if there were no money involved.”

Neku paused, Shiki watching the two of them with rapt attention. “I...yes?” Wasn’t that what he just said, basically?

“Why?”

Neku watched her with narrow eyes. This felt suspiciously like a trap. “Because he’s really hot, alright? I don’t know.” _Even if he is a cocky bastard._

Rhyme straightened. “Do you consider having sex with everyone you think is hot?”

_“Rhyme,”_ Shiki burst out, face ablaze.

He probably wasn’t much better, though, _what the fuck?_ “Wha—no! Of course not.”

She nodded, expression free of judgement. How could she just ask something like that and be so _calm?_ “So what makes him different, then?”

It was the logical progression of her line of questioning, but it still caught him off-guard. He opened his mouth, but found that he didn’t have a response right away. What _was_ different about Joshua? “...he gets under my skin, I guess?”

Rhyme hummed. “And that’s a _good_ thing?”

Huh. “...Yeah, kinda,” he realized after a second. “I don’t know. If he was just nice all the time, he’d be kind of boring.” _Of course, he wouldn’t be Joshua either. ‘Nice’ and ‘Joshua’ don’t mix._

Rhyme sat up a little straighter, pointing across to him. “So, what you’re saying is that you like him the way he is.”

“I—” Neku furrowed his brows. After a moment, he sat up. “Hey, wait a minute.”

_“Oh my god,”_ Shiki gasped, sounding thrilled.

Neku thumped his hands flat to the table. “Hold on. I _like him?” Did he_ like him? _“_ I don’t even _regular_ like him _.”_

Rhyme raised her hands _._ “I’m just repeating what you said. Sounds to me like there’s _some_ kind of feelings there. _”_

_Holy shit._ He liked him. Neku had never before encountered such bullshit. “How the hell did _that_ happen?” Floored, Neku leaned on the tabletop before shaking his head at Rhyme. “You’re _way_ too good at this. That’s some voodoo shit.”

She beamed. Deviously, she brought her hand to her chin. “Hm. Maybe I should become a sex therapist, actually.”

Shiki’s eyes widened. “No no no no! Beat would _actually_ die. You would kill him.”

Rhyme stuck her tongue out. “He would live. But anyway, that proves that it wouldn’t just be a no-strings-attached situation, Neku: it wouldn’t just be casual sex, because you like him. And I don’t think anyone would consider it ‘selling yourself’ if you decided to sleep with someone you like. That just leaves one problem.”

His bafflement took a back seat for a second, realizing where she was going. “How Joshua would react to the whole thing.”

Rhyme shrugged. “You know what I’m going to say, and it’s probably not what you wanted to hear.”

Neku groaned, putting his head in his hands. Yeah. Yeah, he did.

Rhyme’s words floated like an omen from the other side of the table as he covered his eyes. “Honesty is the best policy, Neku. I would talk to him about the way the situation is affecting you. Maybe you’re on the same page, and you don’t even know it.”

“Well, shit,” he said finally. Not only did he have to recover from a grade-A mind-fuck now, but how would he even bring something like that up with Joshua without giving away the fact he was considering it? If he was right, and the guy did just see him as a potential conquest, then this could just make things really awkward between them. Sighing, he sat back up, turning his attention to Rhyme again. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you work when you’re trying to relax.” He shot a thumb to the space beside himself. “I was planning to just dump it on Shiki.”

_“Hey,”_ she shot back, planting her hands on her hips. She didn’t look mad, though. If anything, she might have looked _excited. Oh no._

Rhyme just chuckled, though. “A problem shared is a problem halved. Anyway, you get a friends-and-family discount.”

Lip twitching upward, he said, “What’s the cost?”

“You have to buy us smoothies for the crawl.”

“In this economy? That’s a steal.”

Shiki ended up helping Rhyme pick out a body-hugging black satin dress that was probably going to make Beat cry. As they were heading out, he pulled her to the side while Shiki was trashing their smoothie cups. “Hey. So...you’re heading to Kyoto once the school year’s out?”

She looked surprised for a second, before sighing. “Of course, he would have mentioned that as well.”

“Yeah,” he said, frowning. “It’s gonna suck. I feel like we hardly get to see you as it is. But I just wanted to let you know I support your decision. I’m not going to get pissed on Beat’s behalf; I know you know what you’re doing.”

His heart gave a little squeeze as he she became a little teary-eyed. “Was it you that talked to him, then? He seems to be trying harder to adjust to the idea.” She subtly pressed her thumb to the inner corner of her eye. “Thanks.”

He placed a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, no problem. You just let me know if there’s anything I can help with, okay?”

She winced. “They’re doing a campus tour after graduation week. I’m worried it might be too hard on Beat. If he can’t do it, any chance you’d be able to take me?”

He nodded firmly. “Totally. Just give me a date.”

“Oh, _weird,”_ Shiki whispered as she walked back up, gazing of into the mall behind them. She pointed subtly. “Look.”

Neku turned, peering out into the crowd behind them.

And there he was. Long, dark hair, hipster goatee, pimp-looking Shades McGee. He was weaving in the opposite direction through the crowd, talking on his cellphone.

It’s Joshua’s conductor guy. What was his name? Megumi? _Weird coincidence._ Neku hadn’t seen the guy since the first day, when he’d opened the door to Joshua’s apartment.

Shiki shivered. “Ugh, why is it so _weird_ seeing your teachers out in public? It’s like they’re out of their natural habitat, or something.”

The words made Neku pause. He turned to her. _Wait._ “ _What_ did you say?”

Shiki’s looked taken aback. “Oh! You don’t know him? That weird-looking guy—he’s head of the music department.”

He turned more directly. _“At TKU?”_

“Yeah. He’s the guy that gave me all those freaking flyers!”

Neku’s mind stuttered, a couple of pieces clicking into place.

_Featuring a Special Performance by Musical Prodigy Yoshiya Kiryu!_

It smacked him in the face. Folks in the crowd around turned to look as he burst out, _“He goes to my freaking school?!”_


	9. Close to Home

Rhyme and Shiki stared at him wide-eyed, the nearby mall-goers hesitantly resuming their strolling behind them. Rhyme spoke up first. “Um?”

“Sorry,” Neku said, flushing, scrubbing a hand over his eyes. “I just realized something. I didn’t mean to flip out.”

“Okay?” Rhyme smiled hesitantly.

They said goodbye, the two girls looking ready for an explanation, but he didn’t want to get into anything before he confirm it for himself. The potential revelation left him trudging home from the mall in stormy contemplation.

Joshua actually being Kiryu made a lot sense. The timeline of the performance lined up, Shades worked at TKU—hell, he probably should have realized from how close Joshua lived to the college. Still, he wasn’t sure how to feel about the fact.

For one thing, it presented an unpleasant possibility: if Joshua let the word slip at school that Neku had been up for purchase on an escort website. He wondered, paranoid, whether that was _why_ Joshua didn’t mention it. He could have been keeping that knowledge on the backburner as blackmail in case he needed it for...one reason or another.

He also wondered, even more outlandishly, if that might have been why he picked Neku. His mind went back to years of anime and high-school dramas where the protagonist was being stalked, their pursuer doing anything to get close to them. Had Joshua noticed Neku _before_ he found him on the website? Had he seen it as his opportunity to get what he wanted?

But then Neku realized how badly he was dramatizing, and dropped it. This wasn’t a telenovela and he wasn’t the absent-minded protagonist. This was a real person he was dealing with.

Even though those possibilities technically weren’t impossible, he wanted to trust that Joshua wasn’t _like_ that. He’d been getting to know Joshua; he’d sympathized with what he was going through. Their repour was annoying, but almost...comfortable? He didn’t know how he’d feel if it turned out the man was just playing him.

But what reason would he have for keeping it a secret? He hadn’t even given Neku _his real name_.

He got back to his dorm, mind a mess of potential explanations and the lingering revelation that maybe he didn’t hate Joshua as much as he thought.

The evening came and went without word from Joshua, which was surprising after the parting the man had given him previously. Neku laid awake, irritated at the man for permeating his thoughts, and it occurred to him only then that a famous person was, in fact, famous.

He sat up, rubbing his sore eyes. Turning over on his side, he pulled out his phone, the blue light dimly illuminating his face in the darkness.

Opening Google, he typed in _Yoshiya Kiryu_ under images, and searched.

The results populated, and there he was.

The images that pulled seemed to be minus several years for the most part. A lot of them were variations on the same moments—taken at different recitals he had performed, hands laced behind his back, cocky smile and pale, soft-looking hair. Neku breathed. _It’s definitely him._

As well, several of the pictures featured a well-dressed, mature couple standing beside him: a Japanese man with a familiar jawline and a woman with sharp, pale eyes. Another piece of confirmation. _So those are his parents._ To anyone else, they might have simply looked proud. Perhaps Neku imagined the curl of dissatisfaction on their lips.

_Call me Joshua._

Neku narrowed his eyes, exhausted. _He pretty much told me he was well-known. Why did he lie about his name?_

Needing answers, he flipped over to the articles. The first several gave him what he expected to find—notoriety, mentions of Joshua as a national prodigy, interviews, the like.

But then the words _tragic accident_ caught his eye.

Frowning, he scrolled down.

**_Parents of Musical Prodigy Yoshiya Kiryu killed in Tragic Accident_ **

Neku’s mouth dropped silently open. He eyed the date of the article’s release— _that was only six months ago._

Sitting up, he clicked on the article.

_We have followed and fondly remarked upon the success of national piano prodigy Yoshiya Kiryu and his family in the past. Today, however, we are saddened to report a devastating blow upon the same. Tuesday morning, a tragic car accident claimed the lives of both Miyumi and Hongou Kiryu, leaving the remarked star parentless..._

He lowered the phone. He’d had no idea Joshua’s parents were dead—and it had just happened. _He didn’t even mention it._

Damn his curiosity.

Needless to say, he never quite got to sleep.

The next morning was one of the few that he didn’t have class or work until the afternoon. Joshua knew that, and so it was no surprise when Neku received a call in the middle of breakfast. The man was getting good at squeezing into his schedule.

The sight of the stolen photo made him pause, remembering what he’d discovered in the middle of the night last night. The guy had just lost his parents a few months ago. In a moment of clarity, he wondered if that had anything to do with Joshua’s creative block. The timing would make sense.

Frowning, Neku clicked on the receive button. “Good morning, Joshua,” he said dryly, an uneasiness settled still in his chest.

_“Yes!”_ Josh shot back. “That’s what I like to hear, partner! A little bit of courtesy at the beginning of my busy day. I _do_ like someone who can anticipate my needs.” He could hear the purr in Joshua’s voice even through the distortion of the phone. “Craving me yet, by the way? You seemed to enjoy yourself the other evening.”

“You wish,” Neku sighed, not having the energy to properly get pissed at him. “Why’d you call?”

Joshua hummed. “Hm. Disappointment already. Regardless, I was hoping you could run a couple bags of groceries over to the café.”

Neku sat back. “For Mr. H?” The request perplexed him. How did the man convince Joshua to do any kind of running for him? This was the second time.

“Precisely. I’ve written a list, which I’m sending you a picture of. Use the money I gave you for such occasions.” He lowered his voice. “Afterwards, you can come back to the loft. It’ll be nice to see one another again. I’m sure we can find _something_ to do.” He paused, letting the implications linger. Then he sighed. “Oh, and buy a damn coffee. The man’s going to starve.”

They hung up, and Neku received a photo message. Opening it, he found a haphazard image of a written list that seemed to have been taken on Joshua’s kitchen counter. _Everything here wouldn’t be impossible to carry, but it’s going to be a pain._ Mr. H had better be glad that Neku liked him.

In the corner of the photo, there was a faint, accidental sliver of Joshua’s pale arm and wrist. For some reason, it made Neku snort. _I guess even someone as meticulous as that guy can blunder a photo._ The sight put a strange warmth in Neku’s chest—a reminder, maybe, that he was receiving word from an actual person, and not some kind of order-giving robot. A person he’d been kissing only days ago.

A person he was going to see soon. With a pocketful of new revelations.

Oh boy.

After grabbing the things on the list, Neku trudged out to Cat Street, dragging his feet against the weight of the bags and the business of his mind. When he finally got there, he had to pull the door open with his free pinkie, bustling his way inside.

“ _Heh-hey,”_ the familiar voice of Mr. H called from behind the counter, and after the moment the man stood from where he had been crouching. He must have been cleaning, as there were faint gray patches of dust in his dark, scruffy hair. “Boss mentioned he was sending you my way. How’s it hanging, Neku?”

“It’s...hanging,” Neku sighed, placing the groceries on the counter. “I got your stuff.”

“Nice. I appreciate it.” Hanekoma wandered over to forage through the bags, plucking one or two things out at a time. As he took them into the back, Neku plopped down on a stool at the front. _Man._ _Shoulders are killing me._

From the back, Mr. H’s voice reverberated, a bit muffled. “Hope Josh hasn’t been giving you too much grief.”

Neku leaned on the counter, smirking. “Hey, I’m sure you know. There’s only so much you can hope for from that guy.”

Hanekoma let out a guffaw, before it cut off with the sound of a ruckus and a quiet _ow._ “Right you are, boss,” Mr. H grunted cheerfully. “Joshua’s a stubborn sort, for sure.”

Neku smiled incredulously, eyes wandering over the bright orange chairs and soothing brown paint. He’d only been here once, but the smell of coffee and some kind of soup simmering in the back felt familiar. “How did you convince Joshua to run your errands for you, anyways? The guy doesn’t even like getting his own groceries.” _With that kind of magnetism, it’s a wonder Mr. H doesn’t have more customers._

The barista grinned conspiratorially as he re-entered the room. “Ah, there’s a trick to it. To tell the truth, I’m a bit compromised right now.”

He watched curiously as the café’s owner picked his foot up, setting it on the center rung of the stool beside him. Mr. H reached down, rolling up the sleeve of his dress pants to reveal...

Neku sat up. “Is that an ankle monitor?!”

“Yep,” Mr. H tsked, dropping the material again to cover the device. “Trapped in these four walls, until further notice.”

Neku shook his hair out of his eyes. “Wait—how did that happen?” He couldn’t imagine what the guy might have done to get that strapped to his leg. He seemed harmless. Paranoid, he subtly glanced to the door with sudden alarm.

“No need to panic, compadre. Just got busted at a tag.” Hanekoma stretched, his back cracking audibly as Neku gaped. “Heh. Been doing this a looong time. They were bound to catch up to me eventually.” The man smiled, faint wrinkles peeking through beside his eyes and _how the fuck?_

“How are you not in jail?” He said incredulously. As much as he loved tagging himself, the police were really down on it in Shibuya which is why he always _watched his ass. How did Mr. H manage to negotiate house arrest?!_

(Also, did that make this place his house? Huh.)

Hanekoma grinned secretively, scratching at his goatee. “I had some folks campaigning for me pretty hard. Managed to sweet-talk the judge down to a lighter sentence.” The man paused, turning to him. “But I got _really, really_ lucky, so don’t forget to _be careful—"_

Mr. H froze for a second as he looked at Neku properly for the first time since he’d been in.

“Huh,” he said.

The sudden pause made Neku squirm. _Agh, do I have some jelly on my face from breakfast or something_? He hoped he hadn’t been walking around with something like that. His hand came up to the corners of his mouth self-consciously. Nothing.

Suddenly, Hanekoma snickered, shaking his head as he moved to grab a box of rice and milk from the bags. “...Looks like you two might be getting along better than I realized, ey, boss? Heh heh.”

Neku blanched. “Uh? What do you—?”

Hanekoma grinned cheekily, pointing to the side of his neck.

_Oh fuck._ Neku’s hand flew to the side of his neck, where he searched for a moment before finding a notable round, tender spot. Heat rushed to Neku’s face. _Oh hell no. That asshole!_ It must have been covered by his collar when he was out with Shiki and Rhyme. _They definitely would have mentioned it._ But all morning, he’d—and _Mr. H_ having to be the one to tell him! “It’s, uh—it’s not like that—”

Although—his flush deepened—he’d probably given as good as he’d gotten the other day. He could remember latching onto Joshua’s neck pretty effectively during the evening, and the thought added a smoldering undertone that tampered his embarrassment.

Hanekoma gently held up his hands. “Hey. No judgement here, Neku.” The man shrugged, tucking his hands in his pockets to lean back against the bar with its now-empty bags. “I’m just glad Josh managed to find someone able to handle his...unique personality,” he chuckled.

Neku’s mortified flinch slackened, a frown coming to his face. What exactly did Mr. Hanekoma think was going on? He wondered briefly if the man thought they were dating, and wasn’t sure how to feel. “Yeah,” he murmured. Actually, this might be a good opportunity to get some more information. “Hey. You’ve known Joshua for a while, right?”

The man nodded. “Yup. Since he was a kid. He’s always been a trip.”

_So that’s it, then._ “So...” Neku glanced away, not sure if it was okay to bring this up or not. _Man; I like this guy! Why do all of our conversations have to feel like interrogations?!_ Neku’s mouth twitched downward, hands clenching on the sides of the stool. “...you know who he is, then.”

Hanekoma’s carefree expression faltered slightly, tone becoming solemn. “So. He told you, then.”

“No.” Neku shook his head. “I just found out. I saw a picture of him online.” He hesitated. “He’s...Yoshiya Kiryu, right?”

Hanekoma eyed him, and something about the narrowing of his eyes made Neku feel scrutinized, like a tiny animal in the jungle being stalked by some big cat. A moment passed before the tightness in his brow relaxed. “Yeah,” the man said. “He is.”

Neku swallowed. “So...his parents...”

“Yeah.”

They were silent for a long moment. Eventually, Neku asked, “Is that why he—"

“Sorry, boss.” Before he was able to finish the question, Hanekoma was shaking his head. “I’m not going to pretend like I can speak to that. I don’t know what Joshua has been going through, except that it hit him hard. If you want to know more about that, you’re going to have to ask him yourself.” The man took a short breath, averting his eyes. He brushed at the sleeve of his crisp white shirt

When his gaze rose again, it was stern. Neku was reminded of disappointed looks from his dad in his early teenage=dom, and his stomach twisted. Hanekoma planted one hand on his hip. “I would tread lightly, though, bud. For his, and your sake.” His free fingers drummed over the counter. “’S a sore subject.”

Neku nodded. “I bet.” He felt an uncomfortable weight in his stomach. Never before making his contract with Joshua had he ever found his mood changing so often. “Hey, Mr. H?”

The man cocked his head. “Yeah, bud?”

Neku lowered his brows, frowning into the middle distance. He said, “...am I an idiot?”

The man’s eyebrows flew up in surprise, and he choked on a laugh. “You’re going to have to give me some more context than that, I’m afraid. Otherwise, you’re just opening yourself up to abuse.”

Neku shot him a look— _see, things like this explain why they’re friends_. “I _mean_ ,” he said sharply, before faltering. His hand drifted up to the tender spot on his neck. He winced. “You know Joshua. If. If I _were_. To try giving it a shot with him.” He clenched his jaw, half sheepish at asking and half angry at himself for considering it. “Am I...is he gonna...” His mouth slowly closed.

He didn’t know how to ask what he really wanted to know. The phrasing that came to him first was, _is he going to hurt me._ But in his mind, it sounded so pathetic it made him sick.

Finally, he squinted up at the older man, troubled. “Is it a... _bad_ idea?”

Hanekoma’s eyes widened. Stepping back, he whistled, turning on his heel to pace to the other side of the room. Neku turned to watch him facing away, head lowered and grinding his shoe into the linoleum. “Erm. Can I plead the fifth?”

“That’s in the US,” Neku said flatly.

Hanekoma nodded, turning back to him. Neku could see sweat beaded on the man’s brow. “You’re right, you’re right.”

Neku waited, watching him with growing disheartenment.

Eventually, the man just hissed. “I’m sorry, Neku. I don’t know what Josh is thinking at any given moment. And I don’t know how you two fit together! There’s too many factors for me to give you a straight answer.”

He watched the man flounder. “So, basically,” he said, “you can’t say that it _wouldn’t_ be.” _Otherwise, he would have defended him._

Hanekoma winced, shrugging again. “I’d like to _think_ it wouldn’t,” he said.

Neku exhaled. That wasn’t very reassuring. Still, he couldn’t exactly ask Mr. H to spill all of Joshua’s dirty laundry, could he? He’d only spoken to the man twice. He huffed dejected through his nose. “You his wingman, or something?”

Mr. H let out a bark of laughter, but his expression was a little pained. “Yeah. You could say that.”

Not feeling any more assured than he had before, Neku got two coffees to go. If he had to drink it, Joshua was going to suffer right along with him.

When he reached the top of the loft stairs, he noticed the piano sitting open in the back of the room before he noticed that Joshua wasn’t on it.

The man was sprawled on the couch looking bored, flipping through a magazine with some overdressed blond guy on the front. He was wearing that stupid house coat again, and Neku was embarrassed to notice the way the neck dipped low, revealing a smooth swath of his pale chest. His vibrant eyes flicked up and to the side as he caught sight of Neku, falling half-lidded almost immediately.

The expression fell off when he saw the coffee. He pouted. “Ugh, really?”

“Yep,” said Neku, coming over to stand in front of him. He handed the coffee over as he did, and Joshua slid his hands underneath his own as he passed it over. “Take your punishment.”

Sighing exaggeratedly, Josh immediately turned his wrist over and dumped it into the potted plant. _Aw, what? Did that plant really deserve that?_ “I think I’ll not, if it’s all the same,” Joshua huffed lightly.

“You’re the one who paid for it,” Neku snorted, leaning on the back of the couch. As he watched the man delicately set the empty cup on the coffee table, the questions that had been lingering on his mind began to bubble to the surface. The amused half-smile on his face wavered. He just freaking _got_ here. It wasn’t the right time to ask.

...but he also didn’t feel right getting into anything before he made it clear that he knew. And from the way he was dressed, in what little he was dressed in, Joshua probably had plans for them. It just...didn’t feel right. The knowledge of his identity obviously meant something to him. “Hey, Joshua?”

“Yes, dear?” Joshua sighed, plunking the detached lid down on top.

He bit his lip. “Your surname is Kiryu, right?”

Joshua’s hand froze over the abandoned cup. From the angle of his leaning, his artfully wild curls shielded his eyes. “Where did you get that idea,” he asked quietly. It almost didn’t sound like a question.

“I saw those posters at school,” Neku admitted. “I put the pieces together.” Moving, he soundlessly took a seat on the couch.

Several seconds passed in silence. After a moment, Joshua finally took a deep inhalation, letting his arm hang over the back of the couch. He smiled. There was something poisonous behind it. “Well, you are right about that,” he said eventually. “My legal name is _Yoshiya Kiryu.”_

At the admission, even though he already knew it to be true, Neku relaxed. At least he didn’t feel like he was being deceived anymore. Or like he was deceiving. Adjusting his position to sink sideways into the cushions, he was quiet for a moment. “Why...did you lie about it?”

Joshua flicked his wrist in a lazy shrug. “I didn’t lie, in the sense you may be thinking. _Joshua_ is what my parents called me. It’s my common name. Hardly anyone calls me Yoshiya. Honestly, I wouldn’t answer to it if I had my own way.” After thoroughly justifying himself, he immediately undermined it by saying, “Of course, I had my own reasons as well.”

Neku narrowed his eyes slightly. “And I don’t suppose you’re going to tell me what those were.”

The man’s smile turned sharp, cockily bringing his hand to his chin to stare down at him. “Well, for not putting my birth name up on a website where you exchange money for sexual favors, for one.”

The words were a stab, and Neku glared back. “That was uncalled for.”

“Hush,” Joshua’s finger extended to tap placatingly on his lips, and Neku sat back, uncharmed. The nasty expression on Joshua’s face mellowed as he stared across from him. “That’s not why you were there; I know.”

Joshua shifted, wrapping one arm around himself uncomfortably as he turned his gaze away.

“I was also hoping to avoid any uncomfortable conversations like _this, Neku_. My life has been pasted all over the news the past few months, and there were things I just didn’t want to come up. Once people become aware of certain things...well. I got tired of being treated like I was made of glass.”

Neku’s heart dropped, before he mumbled, “Your...your parents, you mean.”

Seeing his expression, Joshua clenched his hands. “ _That right there_ ,” he said, voice high and hostile. “That’s why I like to avoid that _little tidbit.”_ Joshua peered over to him, mouth a cold, flat line. Then, he plastered on the worst smile Neku had ever seen, slapping his hands together in front of his chest. “ _Oh, poor thing!”_ The smile dropped abruptly. “Like they have _any_ idea what they’re talking about. I can’t stand their meaningless platitudes. The pity in their eyes.”

“I’m not pitying you,” Neku frowned. That was maybe not 100% true—it was hard not to feel bad for the guy when he’d just lost his parents. That didn’t mean he was just going to forget that Joshua was an asshole who tried to get under his skin at every available opportunity. He lowered his voice. “I just want to understand.”

Joshua’s bitter smile dropped, his gaze pinning Neku from the other side of the couch. Slowly, he looked away, his fingers popping their knuckles over and over. “You know, it’s funny? They both die and all I could feel was...” His hands worked for a moment, as if trying to find the words. His face sharpened with recognition, and with a tight smile he finished, “...Angry?” Clouds moving across the skylight shadowed his face. “You probably think that’s terrible.”

Neku stared at him a long moment, his pulse thumping uncomfortably. “No,” he said finally, throat dry with discomfort and breathlessness. “No. No, I think anger is totally understandable.”

Joshua exhaled sharply, as though Neku had told a good joke. Neku’s hackles wanted to raise, but he kept in mind the subject at hand and let it slip away from him.

“It’s like...” Joshua’s expression was tight, and as he continued on, Neku became glad that Joshua’s loft was isolated as his volume increased. He tossed his wrist back. _“That’s it?_ I did all this— _for you._ I worked myself to death, _for you_.” He was blatantly glaring into the air how, and goosebumps raced across Neku’s skin as the man’s thunderous gaze fell on him sightlessly. “ _You’re_ the one who said I had no time—no time for friends _, no time_ to learn how to be with other people, all for what _you wanted_ , and—and you’re not even going to _stick around to see it?”_ His eyes were distant, voice and hands shaking with rage.

“Joshua,” he murmured, frowning.

“Oh, and _hilariously,”_ Joshua spit, “I can’t even lean in and be _glad_ they’re dead, because now...” His sentence cut off, violet eyes hard and cold as amethyst. The shaking reduced to a tremble, Joshua closing his eyes as he tried to regain some self-control. “Now...”

_He can’t write,_ Neku finished grimly. _He hasn’t been able to compose._ He thought it might have had something to do with it, but this was confirmation. 

As he watched, the man slowly inhaled, opening his eyes. They were stormy and tired, and he glanced around like he didn’t even know where he was. He released his clenched fist. “I’m sorry you had to be on the other end of that,” Joshua said stiffly. “It’s—I try not to think about it.”

Neku wasn’t sure how to respond for a long moment. “I’m the one who brought it up,” he said finally. A memory was sitting at the forefront of his mind, and he wondered if he should even bring it up. But...he wanted Joshua to know that he _got it._ “I get being angry. It’s not the same, but...when I was younger, a friend of mine—he was killed. He was...really the only person I was close to.” A pang went through him as he spoke. It had been so long since he had thought back to that time. He didn’t think he’d ever totally recover from it, and so a lot of the time he just...avoided thinking about it.

Joshua didn’t move as he spoke, staring straight ahead. Neku wasn’t even totally sure the man could hear him.

“When he died I...blamed him _._ I thought _, you’re all I have, how could you leave me alone?_ It fucked me up for years _._ And he and I were _good;_ I didn’t even have to deal with the stuff your parents put you through. So I just...I get it.” He stopped, thinking maybe he’d said to much. _Shit. I wasn’t trying to make this about me. I’m so shit at this._ “I just hate that they left you to deal with it, man. You didn’t deserve that.”

Joshua’s fists balled again. Neku worried for a moment that Joshua was about to punch him, but then they released.

“Thank you,” he said slowly, “for trying.”

Neku was stiff in his spot. He wasn’t sure if the sentiment was real or not. He sighed, at a loss. “I didn’t mean to drag all that shit up.”

“It’s fine,” Joshua sighed, curling back against the arm of the couch. “It had to come up sometime.”

“Still,” said Neku.

The silence hung in the air like something sickly, Neku not sure what to do and Joshua’s bright eyes darkened with turmoil. “They _probably_ loved me,” Josh said eventually, a weak, bitter smile on his lips.

Something about watching Joshua explain away what he’d been through felt like lead in Neku’s stomach. He said, “I don’t think that’s a good excuse.”

He knew immediately when the words left his mouth that he had overstepped. He tensed, and was surprised when the man’s grin widened.

He turned to Neku. Bitterly, he muttered, “You know, Neku? I think you may be right.”

The solemn atmosphere in the room sunk over them, and Neku peered over to Joshua. The pain in his eyes was hard to look at. He bit his lip.

Joshua knew what it was like to feel abandoned, just like he did. Would he really be so quick to do that to someone else? He wished he hadn’t had to find his assurance this way, when the subject had been something so obviously painful for Josh to talk about, but...this guy wasn’t going to throw him away.

Maybe there was something he could do for him right now. Joshua got on his nerves, but he didn’t like to see him hurting. Like Josh’d said, maybe he just needed to...not think about it.

He shifted, turning more forwardly in Joshua’s direction. “Hey,” he said. “I’m going to kiss you now, okay?”

Joshua’s expression morphed from surprise to a cold suspicion. “...o-kay...?” He narrowed his eyes, but let Neku move into his space to press their lips together.

Neku held their lips firm for a moment, at least until he felt Joshua start to relax against him. He separated slightly, pulling back just enough to gauge Joshua’s reaction.

The man still eyed him with mistrust. Neku wondered if he’d even closed his eyes. “An interesting choice,” Joshua said, eyes guarded as they peered back to Neku’s. “What brought this on?”

Neku’s hand braced behind Josh on the couch. “We don’t have to,” he shrugged a bit sheepishly. “But you did say I was a good distraction.”

Joshua’s eyebrow quirked, and, consideringly, he nodded, “...That, I _did_ —mmf _.”_ He tensed again as Neku moved back in, hands rising before coming up to curl gently in the back of Neku’s shirt as he kissed him.

After another moment, Neku pulled back. “It this...okay?”

Joshua leaned forward, nose nuzzling his cheek before reconnecting.

Neku felt the tension melt from Joshua’s shoulders as Neku tilted his head, opening his mouth to tentatively brush his tongue along Joshua’s lips. The other man’s met his, hesitant and searching, and the kiss deepened.

In much the same vein as their previous kisses, they quickly became lost in it. Acting on an urge, after a long while Neku gently disconnected, bringing his mouth down along Joshua’s pulse. The man huffed softly into his hair, watching him, and Neku quickly found the spot he’d been looking for.

As he’d suspected, his previous exploration of Joshua’s neck had left a dark purple bloom at his collar, and Neku exhaled, gently dragging the flat of his tongue over the tender skin.

_“Neku_ ,” Joshua breathed against his ear.

His heart pounded, encouraged. Ready to back off at any moment if Joshua prompted, he hesitantly moved down, mouth falling in an attentive string of connections down Joshua’s smooth, pale chest as his fingers folded back the silk collar of the robe. He huffed a breath at Joshua’s sternum, and the man shivered. Eyes flicking back up, his face burned as Joshua stared down at him, gaze utterly focused on him. Sitting back, he brought his fingers to the robe’s tie. Breath heavy, he whispered, “Can I?”

_Fuck._ Was this really all his resistance came down to? Whether or not Joshua would turn him away later on? Apparently, because as he sat there with his fingers barely brushing the smooth fabric, he found himself really hoping the man would say _yes._

Joshua eyed him, expression unreadable but eyes burning into him, before slowly nodding.

With a shaky breath, Neku took Joshua’s permission and twined the tie between his fingers, pulling the knot loose.

There was a palpable tension as he pushed apart the sides of Joshua’s robe. The man’s eyes widened, and Neku met them briefly before bringing his mouth to Josh’s abdomen. He felt the muscles shiver under his lips, and Joshua inhaled shakily before grinning.

“Bold of you,” Joshua purred, tucking his other arm to pillow behind his head. “I’ll be honest; I had half-expected you to be the blushing virgin.”

Neku shook is head, thumbs poised over the material of Joshua’s stupid Pegaso boxer-briefs. “Not exactly,” he said. He smoothed his thumbs over Joshua’s hips. He glanced up for a last confirmation, and Joshua just raised one cocky brow at him. It spurned on the arousal that was already making him hard in his own pants.

_No reason to hold back any further, then._ Neku nervously licked his lips, scooting forward to ease the fabric over Joshua’s hips.

He swallowed as the flushed pink head and the pale, elegant curve of Joshua’s dick came into view. _Holy shit._ He could hardly believe he was about to do this, but...he wanted to see Joshua fall apart.

If a distraction was what he needed, Neku could at least be that.

Reaching forward, Neku wrapped his hand around the shaft, and Joshua hissed. “Come _on, Neku_ ,” the man pleaded. _“Do_ something.”

Eyes flicking up to watch his reaction, Neku leaned down and dragged his tongue up the side. The firmness under his tongue and the warm weight in his hand made his mouth water. Phantom friction rushed to his dick as he stroked over Joshua in a slow, tight drag, the memory of many lonely nights spent jerking off. Seeing Joshua’s smart mouth fall open in a breathy sigh was deeply satisfying.

Face faintly hot, he rubbed a thumb over Joshua’s vibrant pink head before going down.

A familiar pulse of heat sparked in his gut as he slowly took the other man fully into his mouth. He’d done this a couple times, and there had always been something erotic in the sensation of a full mouth, feeling his partner’s dick twitch appreciatively against his tongue. Still watching Josh’s face as he bobbed down, he paid particular attention, remembering what felt best when he got his own dick sucked and doing his best to repeat from memory.

From Joshua’s soft panting, the way his elegant pianist’s hands clenched fruitlessly against the material of the couch, he thought he must have been doing a pretty good job.

A thought made him pause, though. He blanched—something he should have made clear from the beginning, only now, when it was almost too late to stop. He pulled off, Josh making a disgruntled noise as Neku took a second to catch his breath. “You’re not paying me for this,” he grunted.

“Hmm?” One of Joshua’s lovely eyes opened to look down at him, dazed with arousal. “What’s that, Neku?”

Neku paused, sitting back slightly but keeping his hand tight around Joshua’s dick. “I’m not doing this because of the money,” he repeated. “This has nothing to do with that.”

A smug smirk pulled across Joshua’s face. “Oh, trust me _, I_ _know_ ,” he giggled lowly. “You’re sucking my cock entirely of your _own_ volition.”

Neku’s face burned, but he raised one eyebrow. _Yeah, laugh it up._ Without warning, his mouth sunk fully over Joshua’s dick, struggling to hold off his gag reflex as the man gasped above him. Neku smirked, struggling to hold it before backing off a bit. _Bet you didn’t ‘know’ that, asshole._

Not wanting to lose his momentum at making Joshua lose it, he carefully inhaled through his nose, continuing to bob over the head while his hand worked Joshua’s shaft. The man moaned softly, fingers carding gently through Neku’s spikes. His free hand rested on Joshua’s side, feeling his breathing grow more uneven as he kept on.

“ _Neku,”_ Joshua called out after a moment, and Neku felt a tug at his shoulder. “Neku, stop.”

At the word, Neku pulled off, worried something might be wrong, but as soon as he did Joshua grasped his shoulder, pushing him back.

In a flurry of movement, their positions were reversed, Joshua sprawled over him on the couch with Neku on his back. He was indignant for a moment before Joshua reached down and flicked open the button of his pants.

“Not very fair,” Joshua panted, “if only one of us gets to enjoy this.”

Still annoyed, but too worked up to care, Neku nodded and helped Joshua work down the top of his boxers, choking on a moan as the other man pulled out his own dick. Joshua splayed his hand up, pushing Neku’s shirt up to reveal his chest. “Gorgeous,” he breathed, before leaning back down to catch Neku’s lips again.

One hand braced next to Neku’s head, Neku thought he should have seen it coming as the other came down and circled around both of their dicks.

He could feel it the moment they moaned into each other’s mouths. But most of his attention had moved to the friction, the dizziness of the two of them kissing breathless while the pressure of Joshua’s hand held them pressed together, stroking them both, Josh’s hard, leaking dick against his and _fuck—_

They didn’t move for several moments. Joshua panted softly into his hair, the residual notes of the sound he’d made as he’d come playing on repeat through Neku’s head. Joshua’s hand was a sticky mess between them, and Neku now understood the vital courtesy Joshua had given him by pushing up his shirt.

Neku felt the other man shift above him, in a move he realized was a reach for the tissue box on the coffee table. “The merits of being prepared,” Joshua hummed playfully, cleaning them off. Fuck. Neku didn’t want to move.

“You didn’t know this was going to happen,” Neku accused.

“No, I didn’t,” Joshua admitted. “Call me optimistic.”

Neku scooted over, amazed they could both fit as the man settled back down, lying beside him.

“Going to regret this later?” Joshua asked after several moments of silence, probably still drifting in the afterglow like he was. And they hadn’t even really fucked, this was pathetic stamina on both of their parts.

But Neku was surprisingly comfortable. And Joshua was warm and calm against him, so. Glancing up, he pulled down a blanket that had been staged to look artful over the back of the couch but was actually going to serve its purpose today. “I don’t... _think_ so,” he said. _Not unless you make me_ , he thought.

The atmosphere was quiet, and Joshua seemed content to curl against him, robe re-assembled. The upset in his eyes had faded out to bliss. Such an image would have sent him into a tirade a couple days ago, but Neku didn’t want to combat the way they seemed okay for the moment. Watching shadows move across the ceiling, Neku whispered, “Let’s just stay here for a little while.”

His thoughts were a mess. But it wasn’t about him.

He would sort it out later.


	10. Trust

Eventually, Neku had to get up and leave. Joshua groaned quietly into his shoulder in protest, but he just moved the blanket back into a more comfortable position for him. “I have to get to class,” he whispered, feeling almost bad for having to disturb him. Seeing Joshua so comfortable after the distraught state he’d been in earlier was a relief. He thought he’d be gratified the day he saw Joshua’s composure break, but...not like that.

Of course, what had happened after was another story. Satisfaction lingered in his body like a drug, and he flushed as he thought back to the way they’d felt pressed together, the intimacy of coming almost simultaneously. He’d had sex before, but even what they’d done had been surprisingly intense _. I guess it had been building up for a while. Not as though Josh hasn’t made his intentions clear from the beginning._

As the thought passed him, he frowned. Was that really all is was, though? In hindsight, he could admit to himself that he’d been attracted to the man. But...were Shiki and Rhyme right, and was there really something else there? It seemed implausible; he’d almost never _not_ been in contention when Joshua was involved.

He was still here though. Maybe there was some credence to him enjoying their dynamic.

Joshua huffed in his sleep, pale brow wrinkling with irritation. On impulse, Neku reached out and brushed away a curl that had fallen into the man’s eyes. His fingers paused there, something oddly tender ruminating in his chest.

_Well. He certainly keeps things interesting, at least._

He breathed, making his way to the bathroom to clean up before heading to his evening class.

Shiki and Eri chatted excitedly beside him, a tray of sushi sitting ready on the restaurant’s far counter they were practically drooling over. The décor was bright and pop-y, neon lights threaded throughout the ceiling against the bright white interior. Above, about a dozen balloons floated at the ceiling in black, gold, and magenta, topping each side of the **_Happy Birthday!_** streamer that they’d worked their butts off painting last night.

Just about then, the door opened, and Neku straightened as Beat guided Rhyme inside. Neku waited until her eyes found their little half-circle booth in the corner to cup his hands around his mouth, barking, _“Surprise!”_

Eri and Shiki chimed in beside him, and Rhyme beamed, bustling through the gathered patrons with Beat coming through with a huge grin behind her.

“See? I told you I got the works, yo!”

“This is really sweet, Beat. Thank you!” Rhyme scooched into the booth, Beat bringing up the end.

Neku nudged her shoulder. “Damn. Eighteen already? I feel like you should still be shoulder-height or something.” Even though he had long learned not to underestimate her, it still left like he’d just met her and Beat. He was going to hate seeing her go.

Still, it was so nice to have everyone together for once, especially with everything that had been going on recently.

Rhyme chuckled. “You never know, Neku. Maybe you’ll be, too...in a couple years.”

Beat crowed from the end of the booth.

Neku quirked a brow, but he was smiling. “Hey now. You’re not that tall. Probably done growing anyways.”

Shiki snickered from his other side. “I don’t think she was talking about how tall _she_ is, Neku.”

He sniffed, peering at her from the corner of his eye. “Traitors. I’m disowning all of you.”

Eri gasped from the end. “Aw, what? I didn’t do anything! Come on, Neku! Who’s going to look great in my dresses?”

He raked a hand over his face. _Did she have to say that so loud in public?_ “That gets you double disowned.”

Looking back up, he eyed Beat. The other man was smiling, grin toothy and interrupted by a chipped tooth from where he’d crashed fantastically on his skateboard one time. But there was also a heaviness in the wrinkle of his eyes. He knew this was another reminder that Rhyme wouldn’t be in the city for much longer—that his little sister wasn’t content to be his shadow. He knew Beat knew that, but Neku was still going to make sure he didn’t feel left behind.

Beat’s eyes caught his, and the man blinked, before his expression relaxed and he gave him a short nod. His eyes moved to the menu, and brightened as found something. _“YO!_ They added curry to the menu!”

“I told you they’re good,” Rhyme giggled.

“I hope you’re hungry,” Eri snickered from the end. “We got everything.”

After a stupid amount of sushi and Rhyme cheerfully debating with Eri over the aesthetic benefits of baggy shirts, Beat snuck off to talk to the bar owner, who retrieved his own present from where he’d kindly stored it in the kitchen.

_“Here comes the Beat wagon,”_ was all Neku heard before the massive form of his friend came barreling back over to the table, holding something huge over his head.

“Jesus, Beat!” Neku blanched, the others flinching away in panic as well. “Don’t drop it!”

Beat whipped it around in a heart-dropping maneuver, before placing it safely in front of a wide-eyed Rhyme. “Ha ha! Like I’d let that happen.”

“Beat...” Rhyme smiled softly as she took in the message on the frankly freaking delicious looking cake before her:

**_Happy 18 th, Yo! We’re all super proud of you!_ **

Beat scratched at his cheek. “It was the least I could do. I got something else for you too, but it wouldn’t be a birthday without a cake, right?”

Rhyme peered up, eyes . “Thanks, Beat! This is great.” She held her arms out, and Beat sniffed, leaning down to give her a big hug.

Shiki gaped over the sweet between them. “Beat this is amazing!”

Neku couldn’t blame her: the icing looked creamy and delicious, Beat’s big dramatic letters embellished with blueberries. Around the words, Beat had created starbursts with strawberries. His mouth watered at the tiny piles of crushed pineapple stacked between the blooms of sweet cream. _Holy crap._ Beat’s cooking never ceased to surprise him in its precision, considering how much of a bull Beat was most of the time.

Beat grinned above him. “Nothing less than the best for my lil’ sis!” He paused, then sniffed, eyes watery. “Even if she’s all grown up now!”

A server came by and provided a little stack of cake plates and a knife, and they each took a piece. They sang Happy Birthday, to which Rhyme looked half-pleased and half-embarrassed to have happened in their little corner of the sushi restaurant.

“Okay,” Eri pipped up, handing over a bundle wrapped in soft brown paper. “Shiki and I worked on ours together! I hope you like them.”

Shiki held her hands up. “Just let me know if you want to change anything!”

Beside him, Rhyme slowly pulled open the twine around the package. Inside, there were two things, stacked one on top of the other. One was an off the shoulder shirt with studs along the collar—it was a little more formal than what Rhyme usually wore, but the studs made it more to her style.

Eri crooned, “I always thought something like this would look good on you! Just let us know if you don’t like it.”

“I do!” Rhyme interjected quickly, looking over the details. She peered at the object beneath it, which was a sturdy looking bag with sharp structuring and the embroidered version of her name in graffiti style (he’d been the consultant on that one.) “And a bag?”

“Yeah,” Shiki said sheepishly. “I thought it might be good for carrying your books in once you head off. I know it’s kind of early! I mean, you can use it for whatever you want!”

“Thanks,” Rhyme grinned. “I really like it.”

Neku gave her his own gifts, which were a poster he’d made in paint markers of a band they both liked and a link for a music mix he’d put together for her. “I think you’re gonna like it,” he said. “You’ll have to tell me what you think.”

“Will do,” she grinned. Eyeing the poster, she said, “This is really cool, Neku. I know you have your original work, but have you ever thought about doing commissions for stuff like this?”

He scratched at the back of his neck. “Not really?” If she thought they would sell, though...not like he couldn’t use the extra money.

The thought gave him pause. Damn. Was he really over two weeks into his contract already? He had been going over to Josh’s pretty regularly since the whole no parents situation came up, which had been—he tried not to flush— _productive_. At least in terms of their relationship; they spent most of the time fooling around. They had tried some things to get Josh’s creative juices flowing again, but so far, no dice. He was heading over after this afternoon to try again, though. Maybe they’d actually get somewhere.

Finally, it was time for Beat’s gift.

The man sat at the end of the booth nervously, broad shoulders hunched in on himself. “Hey, so, the thing I have for you isn’t really something I can give to you right now. So, I kind of have to just tell you about it.” Giving his sister an anxious glance, he pulled a large envelope from the pocket of his coat and handed it over. He shrugged. “You should go ahead and open it.”

“Okay?” Curiously, Rhyme worked her fingernail under the seam, pulling open the flap of the envelope. When she pulled out the object inside, she took a look at it and gasped.

A two-ticket pass sat inside, listing a large voucher for a trip from a travel agency.

“I know you always wanted to see more things in the world, and you never really got to, you know? So I thought, this summer, I could help you see at least one other place. You get to pick, yo! It’s for the whole agency.”

Rhyme’s normally calm eyes sparkled as she clutched the pass with both hands. “We’re going on a trip?!”

Beat glanced away, giving a bittersweet smile. “Ah, actually. I had bought it so you and your boyfriend could go.”

Aw, damn. Neku sat back in the booth, watching the pair. Beat hadn’t told him about that part.

As expected, Rhyme’s mouth dropped open, before she gave a sad smile. “Beat...”

Neku had thought that the two would be going together, but Beat being willing to let her go somewhere with the guy she liked so much, even when he didn’t really think he was good enough for her (of course, this was Rhyme he was talking about. No one was ever going to be good enough for her by Beat’s standards. Honestly, probably by his own standards)...he knew it meant a lot.

“It’s nothing,” Beat grinned, but his brow was tight with pain.

Rhyme placed her hand on his arm, and he turned back to look at her. “Beat...I’m about to be able to spend a ton of time with Itaru in just a couple months. Would it be okay...if I wanted to go with you instead?”

Beat stared back at her for a moment, before his face broke into an enormous grin. “Hell yeah, Rhyme! _Course_ I’ll go with you!”

Rhyme snickered at his enthusiasm.

Beat’s eyes lit up. “Dude! So, where do you think you want to go?”

Neku let out a breath. _It’s good to see those two both back in good spirits._

Beat and Rhyme excitedly hashed out potential destinations, and Shiki nudged his elbow as Eri finished off her criminally small piece of Beat’s kick-ass cake. “Hey, Neku. So, what was it you were talking about at the mall the other day? You never told me.”

It took a second to get what she was referring to, before he paled, remembering his outburst at the mall. “ _Oh,”_ he said breathlessly. “Yeah, there’s, uh. Something I should probably tell you.”

“Yeah?” Shiki leaned in, eyes glittering at the potential of gossip. “What is it?”

“Hey, I want to know,” Eri pouted from the end, leaning in.

Neku grimaced, leaning back _. I guess it doesn’t hurt to say something at this point._ “F-fine.” He glanced around at the rest of the restaurant, almost expecting to see him sitting there somewhere. _Wouldn’t be the first time_. “You know that guy whose performance the music department’s been so hyped up about? The one where you had to put up all the posters—”

Shiki groaned while Eri listened attentively from the background. “Ugh, how could I forget? Those things took _forever_ to put up.”

Neku grimaced. _Could that even be called a first impression?_ It’s not like Joshua was the one giving the orders. That was Shades. “Well, uh. That guy. That’s the guy I’m...” Dating? Technically true, though the date they’d been on had been before everything that was happening now. Not really accurate. “...involved with.”

Shiki’s eyes blew wide. “What?! Holy crap Neku, he’s super famous! Also, what do you mean _involved?_ Did something happen?!”

Rhyme, catching wind of the conversation, turned in her seat. “Oh, do we have updates on the hot guy situation?”

Beat’s brow furrowed in alarm. “Yo, what’s happening? ‘Hot guy situation’?”

Neku flushed. “Uh. You remember Joshua, right?”

Slowly, Beat nodded. “Oh, yeah. That prissy guy.” There was an extended pause, and Neku could practically see the equations flying around Beat’s head before the guy flailed back in his seat. “WAAH?! Wait, are you into him or somethin’?”

Neku buried his head in his hands. “Ugh. It’s complicated, man; I don’t even know what’s happening anymore.”

Rhyme’s eyes glinted with mischief. “But something _did_ happen, then?” She chuckled into her hand, raising an eyebrow at him. “So it seems I was right. I’m very happy for you.”

Neku blanched. “How do you know?”

Rhyme grinned. “You’ve got that sort of...’satisfied’ look?”

Beat’s hands rose, covering his eyes. “Ugh, _man_. I don’t want to know how you know that. I’m being traumatized, yo.”

“I do not!” He caught a glimpse of his face in the mirrors on the far wall, though, and his current look was nothing less than ‘tomato adjacent.’

Seeing his face, Beat’s embarrassment succeeded to a bark of laughter. “Your face though, man. BUSTED.”

Shiki’s hands clenched on the table. “Beat, you’ve seen him?!”

Reluctantly, Neku retrieved his phone. “Jeez. Here, hold on.” Scrolling through his pictures, he found the incriminating photo Joshua had taken on his contracting day. He held it close to his face for a moment, enlarging it and moving it to where his own role in the photo was obscured, before showing it to the girls. “That’s him.”

Eri leaned over Shiki’s shoulder, and they gushed over the photo. Eri narrowed her eyes. “Oh my god. He’s so hot?”

Shiki straightened in the booth, taking a careful look at the photo. “Wow, it really is him.” Suddenly, a paleness came over her face. “Oh no,” she whispered, all amusement dropping off her face.

_Well that’s sudden_. _What’s up with her?_ Uneased, Neku gingerly took the phone back. “What? What’s that face?” He chuckled nervously.

Shiki’s eyes became contemplative, and she pursed her lips. “Oh. Oh, no! Sorry, it’s...it’s really nothing.”

He furrowed his brows as the others looked on in confusion. “No, come on—it’s obviously not.”

As he waited, Shiki’s eyes cast to the table, and a solemnness fell over her features. “No, I—I’m sorry. I don’t feel right about saying it. I think it’s wrong to gossip about things like that; I shouldn’t have even brought it up. I hope you can forgive me.”

Suspicions rising, Neku murmured, “Hey, if you’re talking about his parents, I already know.” Shiki looked up at him, so he felt safe continuing on. “He’s still working through it, but we _have_ talked about it. You’d didn’t let anything slip or something. Don’t worry.”

After a moment, Shiki bit her lip. “Yeah...his parents...”

Neku sat back. That was a weird tone. _Why did she say it like that?_ Was there something else?

But a couple seconds later, Beat accidentally caught his sleeve on fire and they were all too distracted to pursue the questioning any further.

After the party, he headed over to Joshua's. In a rare occurrence, he was brimming with energy from seeing the others and the ridiculous sweetness if Beat’s amazing cake. He entered the loft without hesitation, traipsing up the stairs to find Joshua at his piano. He slowed, dropping his schoolwork by the couch.

"And lo, he appears—my muse," Joshua murmured, distractedly sarcastic.

In the nearby window, he noticed the hanging form of the outfit he’d helped Joshua pick out for his performance. It seemed to have been freshly pressed. He must have been having an especially fruitless stint, then—he knew Joshua had already done this at least once. The man hadn’t worn it.

Didn’t give him an excuse to be an asshole, though. "Don’t be a dick," Neku huffed, dropping a kiss on the side on the man's neck. He could appreciate the way it made the man stiffen.

Joshua's fingers, holding a pen, drifted up sideways to brush the spot. “Hm. You seem chipper.”

Neku shrugged, leaning against the piano. “Spent some time with my friends. I don’t really get to see them all at once anymore, so I appreciate it when I can.”

Joshua didn’t look up, pen drifting over the outlines of a few notes over and over as though playing the melody in his head. “...you seem to care about them a lot,” he said quietly after a long moment had passed.

“Yeah,” Neku nodded, waiting for Joshua to actually look up so they could have a proper conversation. Speaking at him askance seemed to be an ongoing habit of his, though. “They’ve gotten me through a lot.

Joshua hummed, as though considering his words. _Not like I said anything revolutionary_ —that was probably how a lot of people felt about their friends, though he would argue that his own were objectively better than most. Eventually, Joshua simply brushed his hair back and said, "Mm, well I do appreciate these moments of surprise affection, Neku. Keep it up."

Neku peered down at the armchair that paralleled the coach, glancing back to where Joshua sat before lifting it with a grunt.

Joshua didn't protest as he lugged the chair over beside him before plopping down. He eyed the man’s desk. Sheets of lined paper had notes scribbled overtop with extreme pressure, before fading to almost invisibility. He frowned. "Rough morning, huh?"

Joshua's dull gaze remained affixed to his desk. "I thought I had a few notes, but they just sounded horrible with the whole piece."

Neku frowned. "Huh." He'd been helping more with actively trying to get Joshua's composing under control, but the man often ended up in positions like this: the hope of progress, and then another iron wall. It was hard to watch.

Joshua’s words gave him an idea, though. He scooched closer, his forearm pressed comfortably against Josh's thigh as he leaned forward. "...let me hear it."

Joshua cocked an eyebrow at him. "The garbage notes?" He asked it with a measure of distain.

Neku snorted. "No. The good ones, genius."

Joshua frowned softly, before turning back to the keyboard. His fingers moved back into position, and carefully he began to caress out the notes he needed.

It was almost trance-inducing (and kind of erotic) watching Joshua work. His eyes became sharp, focused, even whilst plucking apart the melody one note at a time. It didn't feel so calculated, though--it seemed to flow naturally, nostalgic and melancholy in a way that wanted to lull him to sleep.

He clung enough to his awareness to wait until Joshua finished what he had already written to reach out and pluck the closest key he could get to.

The discordant note rang out, Joshua's gaze shooting to him narrowed in almost betrayal. "What do you think you're doing?"

"That sounded like shit, huh?"

Joshua paused, staring down at him as though he had to process the sheer stupidity that he had just heard. " _Yes_ ," Joshua said bluntly, brow wrinkled.

Neku swirled his finger over arm of Joshua's chair, trying to come across as casual as possible. "I mean, obviously you know what you don't want. Maybe that's another angle to try?"

He watched Josh's pretty mouth flatten. "Really."

"It would probably be really tedious, but maybe you can just...eliminate the possibilities? If you know what doesn’t sound right, eventually you’ll have...something, at least. Right?”

Neku slowed his words progressively as his explanation went on, Joshua’s skeptical stare making his suggestion feel stupider by the second.

Joshua’s patronizing eyes were unreadable as his words puttered out, but after a moment, the man’s lip twitched. A second later, Josh brought his hand to his face, snickering into his hand. He folded at the chest, hissing with amusement.

Neku’s brow creased. “Hey, I was trying to help.”

Joshua inhaled sharply, cutting off his laughter. “I’m sorry, dear.” His expression, flushed will laughter, was soft at the eyes. “For someone who seems to appreciate music, you seem to have no idea how composition works.” He giggled, ducking down to press his lips to the side of Neku’s face as he glared in irritation. “Sorry.” His gaze moved back to the keyboard, and he played out a chord. “It’s never so systematic if your goal is to evoke emotion. You have to feel it...” He continued, and Neku thought he recognized the melody, before the man trailed off. Joshua’s smile faded to wistfulness, before turning devious. “I still have to take you clubbing sometime.”

Neku scowled, gaze turning back to his hands. Black stains lingered at his nailbeds where he had touched up Rhyme’s poster that morning. “See if I try to help again, asshole.”

He felt Joshua lean into his side, his nose gently nuzzling the side of Neku’s neck to butter him up. “It was a sweet suggestion. I’m afraid the problems I’m having are more psychological than mechanical.”

So basically, he was no help.

Joshua continued to try and work on it for several hours, actually producing a line before scowling and realizing he was subconsciously re-creating a refrain from one of his old pieces. Neku could see the abrupt return-to-start wearing on Joshua, his attempts at progressing the composition turning tormented and monotonous—the exact opposite of the rest of the piece.

There was a quiet that settled over the room as the piano went unplayed and Neku’s eyes solely focused on his client. The cast of evening settling in fell in from the skylight, tinging the light in the loft pale blue. It caught Joshua’s pale skin in a way that almost make him look ethereal.

“That didn’t sound bad,” Neku mused as Joshua frowned deeply and jotted down his latest failed line so he wouldn’t produce the same thing again. “Mm. Maybe it could go darker like that?” He thought about the googling he’d been doing in his free time, and flushed self-consciously. “It’s pretty different from a lot of the other stuff you’ve done. It would probably have to transition differently.”

Joshua paused his agonizing, peering over to Neku. “Hm? Taken an interest in my work lately, Neku?”

He glanced away, not wanting to expose his sheepishness. “Yeah. So what? I thought it might be easier to help if I actually knew what it was supposed to sound like.”

Joshua slowly nodded. “That’s fair enough,” he mused. “Mm, but...I’ve had a particular sound I’ve been going for with this one. If I could just get that right...”

Neku waiting for him to continue, not wanting to risk interrupting a revelation.

“Truthfully, my ability to write music hasn’t been entirely compromised. It’s more that, if I try to create anything other than this piece, it just feels...artificial. Forced.” Joshua leaned back in his chair, throwing his legs across the piano bench. His faced twisted. With a hollowness that sent a strange pang of panic into Neku’s heart, Joshua droned, “What’s the purpose of composing worthless melodies? You might as well be a machine.”

“For such an arrogant prick, you are way too hard on yourself,” Neku spoke quietly, and Joshua smirked. “Plus, I feel like the meaning in art is largely determined by what you assign to it. Like I said, I’ve heard your stuff. I can’t imagine you just throwing some garbage out there...even if some of the people who follow you would probably eat it up anyways.”

Joshua’s smirk widened. “You’re probably right,” he shrugged, “but I am a man of standards. That’s how I picked you, after all.” Joshua hooded his eyes, moving away from his work to turn more directly in Neku’s direction. “I just had a feeling you’d be fun. Turns out, I was exactly correct.”

Neku’s ears heated, and he looked away. He was never going to get over that fact that Joshua was paying him to be here, but ever since things had taken a decidedly...pleasant turn, he had gained a marked tolerance for Joshua’s other bullshit. _He’s not paying me for that, so it’s fine._ The sentiment never entirely convinced him, but Joshua never brought it up while those things were going on, so it was a tolerable awareness.

He inhaled sharply as a weight settled over him, and he looked up to find Joshua’s tall, slender form settling into his lap. His brow furrowed, bringing his hands up to grasp his shoulders. The sudden heat against him woke his nerves up, and he was hyperaware of everywhere their bodies were touching. “Hey—”

Joshua leaned in, gently nibbling on the shell of Neku’s ear. “Mm,” he hummed softly as Neku’s words died in throat. “I am sorry for laughing earlier,” he said softly. “I know you’re trying to help. It was an interesting idea.”

Neku frowned, but goosebumps had broken out along his skin from the attention. “You’re still thinking about that— _ngh_ ” he groaned as Joshua delicately dragged his teeth along Neku’s pulse.

“Mm.” Joshua chuckled lowly against his skin, inflection mischievous. Breathily, he whispered, “Did you still want to fuck me?”

Neku’s heart stuttered at the sudden proclamation, face burning. _The hell does he mean, ‘still?_ ’ “Wha—when did I say that?!” Joshua’s cologne invaded his senses, the softness of his hair brushing the side of his face.

“ _Oh please, Neku,”_ he purred, speech becoming slow and languid. “When I suggested I might let dear Fumi have me at the restaurant. _Surely_ , you remember? The idea _obviously_ caught your interest. I could practically see the wild things running through your mind right there on your face.” Joshua playfully swirled one fingertip at Neku’s temple. “Tell me. How specific _were_ those thoughts? Did you picture, perhaps, taking me right there over the dinner table, where everyone could see?”

The blatant debauchery of the suggestion knocked the breath from him, and he knew Joshua could feel the sudden interest it aroused in his dick. “Wha— _no! Of course_ not!”

_“I_ did,” Joshua shot back immediately, and Neku’s mind blanked. _How the hell was he supposed to process something like that?_ How could Joshua just _say_ something like that? Joshua leaned back, their lower halves shifting together teasingly. The man eyed him appraisingly, stroking one finger down his chest. He whispered, “ _You’re quite the treat, darling. So easy to rile up. I admit, I found it difficult not to think of fucking you at every opportunity. Even now, I can’t stop thinking about it. After all, you made yourself quite the forbidden fruit.”_ Joshua leaned down again, murmuring in his ear as he rolled their hips together with more obvious intention. “Now that you’re _here, and we’re all alone...”_

Neku took a shaky breath, anticipation stirring inside him. If this was really okay, if they were actually trying something between them...there really wasn’t a reason not to, right?

Plus, the dreams he’d been having had only gotten more frequent, more _vivid_ as he learned what Joshua’s body felt like against his.

And, yes, the majority of those scenarios involved him pressing Joshua into the mattress and—

Okay, yes, fuck, he did still want that.

Neku surged up to press a messy kiss to Joshua’s lips, quickly tilting his head to seal the heat of their open mouths. Joshua gave an evil, satisfied little chuckle as his tongue gave a cheeky swipe against his own.

Joshua slipped backwards out of his lap and Neku found his hips, bringing their lower halves flush. Joshua’s erection was solid through his pants, and Neku groaned at the friction against his own. Neku could tell Joshua was walking them back, around the table, leading him towards his bedroom.

The cool of night fluttered in over his heated skin as they passed the doorway to Joshua’s bedroom. The man disconnected from him, and Neku’s eyes opened to watch Joshua lie back across the sheets, almost as though he were putting himself on display.

As Neku stepped forward, the man’s elegant fingers worked his shirt open, letting it fall open to show off the beautiful, toned expanse of the man’s pale torso. Joshua shimmied a bit further back before crooking a finger in Neku’s direction. _Come get me._

_Don’t have to tell me twice._ Closing the gap, Neku climbed between Joshua’s stupid long legs, leaning down to kiss him. Joshua’s hands buried in his hair as Neku’s hands moved to the other man’s belt. The soft clicking noises that sounded in the air as he unfastened it seemed to make the moment more real: in just a few moments, they would be...

“Eager,” Joshua purred, lifting his hips as Neku worked off his sleek designer jeans. He inhaled roughly to see the outline of Joshua’s hardness straining against his silk. “Not very fair, though.” He placed a palm over Neku’s chest, stroking downward. “Why don’t you take these off? I want to see you.”

He swallowed at the hunger in Joshua’s eyes, but obediently reached up to pull off his shirt.

Joshua’s tongue darted to wet his lips as he eyed Neku’s bare chest. When Neku didn’t move, his mouth twisted downward in a look almost worried. “Just going to hover and stare?”

Shaking himself from his stupor, Neku seized the opportunity to catch his mouth again. The pleasant, wet slide—forgetting anything else, he could probably just keep kissing Josh indefinitely. There was nothing chaste about it; the purposeful, possessive stroke of their tongues together played up the tension in their bodies little by little, like turning a dial. His nerves were humming.

“Sorry,” he panted breathlessly as he pulled back, realizing he hadn’t responded. “You’re just gorgeous.”

Joshua’s cheeks pinkened slightly, and he grinned, moaning soft and adamant as Neku brought his mouth to his nipple.

“Don’t let it go to your head,” he grumbled, circling the bud with the tip of his tongue. With his other hand, he reached down, grasping Joshua’s erection through his underwear, giving it a couple firm strokes. 

“Hmm, yes _sir_ ,” Joshua joked, arching into the attention. He panted softly as Neku switched his attention to the other side. His hands came down, grasping Neku’s ass to grind up more firmly. Their clothed dicks slid together, and Neku’s breathing labored. Joshua’s voice dropped to a whisper, his voice singular in the quiet. “These touches are sweet, but can we forgo the stalling? I do hope you aren’t going to chicken out, Neku, especially with how obviously hard you are at the idea of fucking me—”

“You’re impatient,” Neku huffed, feeling a twinge of irritation that wanted to cool his arousal. “I thought the point was to not treat this like a transaction.”

Joshua went quiet, but after a moment he did reach down and pull Neku’s face back up to level, bringing a soft kiss to his mouth. “Just making sure,” he murmured.

Neku’s hands returned to the rim of Joshua’s boxers ( _huh, he wore both, interesting, not important right now, Neku_ ), and he hesitated. “Uh—do you have—”

“Bedside drawer,” Joshua said easily.

Nodding, Neku reached across, flushing when Joshua used the moment he laid across him as a chance to kiss his collar bone. Opening the drawer, he immediately found a line of condoms (which gave him pause, but he could dissect that later) and a bottle of lubricant.

He snatched them both up, pausing for a second before moving to undo his pants. As Joshua watched him with amusement, he turned and kicked off his jeans and boxers, shaking them loose before turning back to Joshua. “Okay.” Swallowing, he reached down and tore open the condom, rolling it on over his sensitive skin. Joshua’s hand lingered nearby where he’d been gripping him just moments before, and he wondered if Joshua had the same desire for constant contact as he did.

When he reached for the lube, Joshua held up a hand. “That’s unnecessary.”

Neku’s eyes widened. “The _hell_ it’s unnecessary. You’ll be—” the words paused in his mouth as his fingers brushed Josh’s entrance. _That—hold on. Is he...? “Did you—"_

Joshua’s cheeks picked up a high tint of red. Cocky bastard bit his plump lip. “As I said,” he said softly, breathlessly. “I had really been _hoping_. This scenario has been on my mind for weeks. Can you blame me for wanting to be prepared?”

_“How long ago did you...?”_ Despite his mind being somewhat fried by the realization that Joshua had readied himself for Neku before he’d ever arrived, he wasn’t going to let this asshole’s smugness get him hurt by not being prepared properly.

Joshua hummed thoughtfully. “I showered shortly before you arrived, so a few hours.”

_Joshua bent over the counter in his bathroom, Joshua moaning softly as he worked himself open, picturing Neku filling him. Joshua, sitting around with that residual worked-up feeling for hours, ready at any moment for Neku to give in and fuck him—_

He knew his face was burning, but he shook himself back to his senses. “I’m slicking up anyways,” he murmured, at least pouring enough of a dab to coat his covered cock. “No reason not to be as comfortable as possible.”

Joshua gave a soft noise. “Your consideration never ceases to amaze me.”

“Hush,” Neku murmured. Scooching forward, he stroked his hand up Joshua’s solid chest, the man shivering as Neku pressed the head of his cock against him. He throbbed in anticipation, and Joshua peered up at him through thick, pale eyelashes. “Okay,” he whispered, before pressing forward.

He felt Joshua inhale beneath him as the warm, supple heat enveloped him. A groan rose in his throat, Joshua smoothly taking him inch by inch. _Fuck..._

He panted as the firm curve of Joshua’s ass met his pelvis, a flash of heat rising to know he was completely inside him. Joshua moaned softly beneath him as he leaned forward, the head of his dick pressing against his prostate.

“Mm,” Joshua rocked his hips up, pressing him deeper. “Don’t just sit there, dear. Give me everything.”

“Just,” Neku pressed a hand firmly to Joshua’s chest, holding him still, and was embarrassed to hear the slur in his voice. He closed his eyes. “Just shut up for a second.”

Joshua chuckled, bringing a hand to his mouth as his eyebrows rose. “Too much?”

Neku didn’t dignify the question with a response. It had been a while, okay? If he moved, he was going to lose it, and he wasn’t going to do that before he made this cocky, beautiful bastard say his name.

He kept his hand where it was. There was something hot about Josh’s letting him pin him to the bed, and Joshua stared up at him wantonly, red tinting his cheekbones.

After a moment, he pulled back, then thrust fully back inside him.

“Mm, final— _ah_ —”

Joshua’s exasperation was cut off as Neku pulled back again, thrusting in again just as quickly. “Josh,” he breathed, and the man’s smug expression faltered, pleasure wrinkling his brow as Neku leaned into him. The man’s elegant legs came up to circle his waist, holding on possessively as Neku picked up a rhythm, giving short, firm thrusts into the tight, eager heat around him. The muscles of his stomach clenched with the strain of not just pounding him into the mattress the way he had pictured so many times, a way to shut him up, even if he might like that. He didn’t want to hurt him. _Fuck, he felt good._

And anyway, the Joshua of his fantasies paled against the beauty of Josh’s violet eyes flicking closed, rolling his hip down to meet his thrusts, and Neku groaned. As in all things, it seemed, the guy knew what he was doing. Felt fucking perfect underneath him.

“Just like that,” the man praised, and Neku’s heart pounded. “I knew you’d be good. We should have been doing this from the beginning...”

Neku didn’t know how the fuck the other man figured that, but he would take the compliment, hands moving down to grasp Josh’s slender hips as leverage to thrust harder. 

The air was thick with warmth and the sounds of their labored breathing. As pleasure inside him built he didn’t resist anymore, bracing an arm up at Joshua’s shoulders as he rammed into him. His other hand came down to grasp the man’s hardness, precum slicking his knuckles.

Joshua’s breathing hitched, and it was obvious that he’d perfected the angle as the man let out a breathless moan. Joshua’s arms came up, circling his shoulders. “Neku, come on,” he fussed. “Get down here.”

Neku’s dick throbbed at the desperate noise that sounded in Joshua’s throat as he pulled Neku close, but a tenderness hit him as soft curls brushed his face, their noses brushing at the closeness.

_“Fuck, Josh,”_ he panted into the man’s ear as he tightened around him, and his heart squeezed at the soft kiss Joshua pressed to his jaw.

“Don’t stop,” Josh panted, faint strain in his voice. It sent a bonus rush of heat through him as the man whispered, “I want to feel you come inside me.”

_Shit._ Joshua really did just say whatever he wanted, didn’t he? He knew this on some level and the man _still_ managed to take him by surprise.

But it was fucking _hot_ and his hips quickened, Josh making a soft, grateful moan in his ear.

Joshua’s perfectly manicured nails raked down his back, Neku gasping. Only a brief warning tumbled from his lips before he slammed into Joshua once more and came.

Even in his haze-drenched mind, he knew it was only seconds after that that Joshua spilled against his stomach, murmuring his name so soft he almost thought he imagined it.

They were a mess, and Josh immediately buried his nose against Neku’s collarbone and refused to move. Neku drunkenly grabbed a couple tissues from the bedside, cleaning them off the best he could. That was all he could manage before he admitted that Joshua’s demanding hold was comfortable and let the man drag him into an early sleep.

His first time staying the night was unintentional, but he thought he could get used to it.

Shiki’s comment at the party slipped his mind completely.


	11. Drop the Bass, Drop the Ball

Three weeks in, and his contract with Joshua was proving to be the best financial decision Neku had ever made. It was more of a relief than he could have anticipated to pay his rent and still have money left over, not having to budget to the penny for food that month. The extra amounts went straight into his savings, and he had plans to try and stretch it out over the next couple months if he could.

_And all Joshua ever wants me to do is show up and run errands for him_. He really had come out of this situation like a thief. And as much as he appreciated it, it almost made him feel bad. Josh was giving him a ton of money for hardly doing anything. It wasn't a chore for him to come around now that he and Joshua were...whatever they were.

Whatever it was, Neku was happy to continue it indefinitely, if it continued on the way things were. He and Joshua weren't trying to define themselves at all—or, at least, he wasn't going to be the one to ask. He enjoyed bickering with the guy and enjoyed the sex when he wasn't. Things were...good.

Still, he worried for Joshua. The guy was becoming more and more stressed out as time went on and the thesis show crept closer. More than once, Neku was awakened in the early morning to muggy light through the skylight and the sound of music muffled by the closed bedroom door, Joshua already having burned through several pots of pretentious brand coffee. It was frustrating—the more he tried to help him, the more sleep Joshua lost and the shorter he became in conversation. The guy was going to drive himself crazy.

He was coming back from getting his own groceries (he had actual groceries! Multiple bags of them!) when a familiar tune sounded off from his paused on the sidewalk, pulling it out to check it.

Joshua. Unsurprising. He answered the phone. "Hey."

Joshua's voice came smooth through the receiver. "Today's the day." He sounded both tired and excited, somehow. Neku was always impressed by Joshua's ability to emote vocally whist also sounding consistently like he was making fun of you a little.

_Tonight's the night._ Neku leaned back against the storefront. "Are we going to kill someone?"

There was a pause. "Wha—? No, of course not. No, I'm taking you to the club."

_Didn't get the reference, I guess_. He set his bags on the ground, crossing his arms. "Oh, so I finally get to see those infamous moves of yours? They don't waltz in the club, you know."

Joshua gave a scoff into the receiver. "Please. I would _think_ by the sounds you made the other day that you know _very_ well how well I can move."

Neku's face heated, and he held a hand over the receiver, glancing paranoidly around as if someone would have heard Joshua's comment. "Alright, alright. I guess you'll just have to prove it to me."

"Hm. I suppose that can be arranged."

\--

Joshua made him reckless. He spent the majority of art history that afternoon texting back and forth with him, Joshua making well-informed jokes about the subjects he was only half-paying attention to, eventually succeeding to...well.

**_Just imagine it: I'm on my knees beneath your desk, hidden—do you have the stand-type rows in that room? I could fit. Maybe I should drop by._ **

Neku snuck a glance to his classmates on either side. **_I think the other students might have an issue with someone getting head right beside them._**

**_Hm, don't be silly. They'd watch, of course. We are two strapping young men, after all. At most, they'd be jealous that they're not getting their cocks sucked in class._ **

Neku frowned. **_They're both girls?_**

**_Then clits sucked, Neku. No need to be deliberately obtuse._ **

_As if I'm the one who's being unreasonable_. Honestly, though, he couldn't lie and say the thought wasn't appealing to him. _Probably_ more in theory than in practice. The idea of Joshua on his knees, plush lips wrapped him...he actually wasn't sure how much of a detractor the setting would be. And he knew that _Joshua_ didn't care.

Or, perhaps it was more accurate to say maybe he cared a bit _too much._ **_That does seem to be a thing for you, huh?_**

**_Hm?_ **

**_Doing...things. Publicly_**. This was the third time that Josh had tried to get him to do something with other people around. He had to admit, it wasn't as though he was completely unaffected.

Josh replied with surprising frankness. **_Perhaps I just like to see the flush on your pretty face._**

**_I'm going to punch you in your pretty face._ **

**_Well, can't say I'm particularly interested, but..._ **

Neku rolled his eyes. **_See you later, Josh._**

**_Boo._ **

A little bit later, another text came through. **_Maybe it's just habit._**

Neku glanced to the rest of room. On the outside, there were a dozen ways to interpret that, but...Neku thought he got it.

_That guy was never not seen_. **_Well. If you be got to put up with that shit, you might as well get some pleasure out of it, right?_**

Joshua shot back immediately. **_Hm. Well said, dear._** ** _♥_**

\--

Neku left class that afternoon with his imagination thoroughly compromised. He was just grateful that Josh had quit early enough on that he didn't have to navigate the hallways with a semi.

He was heading off campus when he got a tickle up the back of his neck. He slowed his walk, glancing around the square with narrowed eyes. It felt like he was being watched.

His gaze stopped as he noticed a familiar splotch of black in the scenery. Snake-skin jacket, long, dark hair. _Shades?_

He stiffened as the man, who had been staring pointedly in his direction, immediately began walking towards him. In a shock of intimidation, he almost wondered if he should run, but the man slowed to a swagger as he neared.

Megumi-or, Professor Kitaniji, he guessed-gave him a once over. "Pardon the intrusion," the man said smoothly, and Neku's shoulders tensed. This guy made him feel like he should be ready for a fight, even though his expression was totally neutral. Stroking a hand over his goatee, he said, "I was hoping to ask you a question."

Neku eyed him, shifting to hike up his art-bag on his shoulder. He pulled up his coat, trying to look disinterested. "Sure? I guess."

Shades lifted his chin, peering down at him over his nose. "You're Neku Sakuraba, aren't you."

Neku's nerves prickled up in his belly like a sparkler. "Yes?"

"From the art program."

Neku straightened, frowning. _What is this guy fishing for?_ " _Yes_ ," he said.

Shades just nodded. "I see." He was silent for a long moment before nodding to himself. Then, he turned on his heel, his shirt tails flapping behind him. "Thank you, Neku Sakuraba," he called back. He waved a hand before walking away.

Neku blinked after him, a sense of exasperation rising as he saw the man pull out his phone. _What the hell was that about?!_

But it wasn't like he was going to draw more attention to himself by chasing after him. Shaking his head, uneasy, Neku turned and continued down the walk.

\--

When Neku arrived at the loft that evening, he was paused on the stoop by the sound of screaming. His hand froze above the doorknob as the noise floated down to him, the harsh white noise unintelligible through the door. He caught the high, harsh reverberation of Joshua's voice, volume lulling then booming from what had to be one of the higher levels. The unusual hostility set a stone of unease in his stomach— _what the fuck?_

Cautiously, he reached forward and opened the door.

It was unlocked, as always. As he stepped through, he caught the tail-end of a particularly venomous shout, and the many things he had expected to hear were negated by, _"—A FUCKING NURSE!"_

The sound jolted him, and he shut the door harder than intended. Glancing up, unsure what might be waiting from him, he caught sight of Joshua's figure standing by the stairs through the staircase's gap. The man seemed to have cut himself off when he heard the door slam, phone pulled away from his ear and glancing downward. Just as Neku had spied him, Joshua turned from the stairs and stepped away.

As he disturbedly made his way up the stairs, the murmur of continued conversation drifted down to him. He could no longer make out what Joshua was saying, but as he reached the third floor, he found Joshua turned away, mid-sentence. "—have to go. But we're _going_ to finish this later." This hissed sentiment completed, Joshua smoothly held the phone out, tapping the _Call End._

Neku lingered by the staircase, unnerved by the palpable tension in the air. The room was a mess—it was almost like in those spy movies where the mobsters have tossed a place looking for information, though all the furniture remained upright. The hair stood up on the back of Neku's neck, and he subconsciously leaned away from Joshua as he turned around. Finally, he forced out, "...what the hell happened here?"

The man's expression was cold and tight, arms crossed over his chest. His hair was pulled back into a ponytail, but that only served to greater display the steeliness of his eyes. For the first time, Neku realized with a shock that Joshua looked _dangerous_.

The man's averted gaze moved to him just as quickly as he'd asked it—a shiver went down his spine. "Neku," he said evenly. Neku was having a hard time pinning down his tone; he wasn't sure if Josh was mad at him for something or just _mad_. He continued, "Did you happen to speak to my conductor today?"

A flash of recognition must had crossed his face, because Joshua's darkened. "Yeah, I did," he responded. _That's what he's asking about?_ Neku swallowed _. Did I do something? I don't even know what I would have done._

Joshua's cold violet eyes felt like they were seeing straight through him. "What did you talk to him about." It sounded less like a question, and more like a demand.

Neku held his hands up placatingly. Okay, this was really freaking him out. "Hey—he just asked me my name! That's it." Neku didn't get truly upset by many things, but something about how starkly different Joshua was right then was actually a little frightening. "I didn't talk about your business or anything. I wouldn't do that. That's all I told him."

Joshua watched him carefully. Slowly, he nodded his head, placing his fingers on his chin in contemplation. "...of course you didn't," Joshua said eventually. Neku could have collapsed with relief as the hostile posture Joshua had adopted slowly loosened, and he glanced up with surprise as the taller man's hand reached out to brush down his wildest spikes. "Of course, that's all you said." His voice dropped to a murmur, and he turned slightly, eyes curious _. "Slippery snake would have done it himself..."_

Neku was lost. He had no idea what to make of what he had just witnessed, which was honestly such an _abrupt fucking turn_ from Joshua's usual pattern of behavior. Joshua's hands moved to smooth soothingly over his arms and face as he quietly spoke. "Josh? What's going on? You seem really..." He glanced around at the wreckage of the room. "...tense."

His eyes found Joshua's eyes again as the man cupped either side of his face. His pale thumbs stroked over Neku's cheekbones, and Neku was distracted by a flush at the intimacy.

"Don't worry about it," Joshua said quietly, facing him head-on. "We can talk about it later." Leaning forward, in strangely sentimental choice, Joshua placed a soft, chaste kiss on his lips. "Sorry," he murmured.

"Uh." Neku frowned. He had so many questions, he didn't know if he was content to just proceed forward with their weight in the back of his mind.

The other man wasn't leaving it open for debate. His hands slipped from Neku's face and he sauntered away, shrugging as though nothing else had just happened. "For now, I'd rather just blow off a little steam. Spend some quality time—up close and personal."

Neku watched him, "Yeah, okay," He murmured. He wasn't convinced this was the best option, and Joshua's attempt to change the subject had been obvious. Still. It's not as if this guy was going to give him a straight answer.

"We should get going." Joshua moved past him to the stairs. He glanced back. "Are you coming?"

Troubled, Neku stepped forward to join him, and they headed down and out.

\--

The night was chilly, which was why it wasn't super great he was wearing club cloths. Of course, for him, that didn't mean much—he wasn't used to going and so his outfit for the night was more or less a parred-up version of what he normally wore: J to the M shirt, long-sleeved and tight fitting, in an athletic material. Plus skinny jeans. As Shiki insisted.

Joshua seemed unbothered by the cold. Neku's eye kept drifting to the little patch of pale skin revealed by the tight white button-up separating slightly beyond the last button, just below Joshua's navel. He looked as put-together as always, but that combined with the usual low v-neck Joshua favored showed a surprising amount of skin for a button-up top. It was only emphasized by the fact the guy had pulled his hair back. He didn't know how the guy wasn't shivering.

Of course, once they'd left the dense atmosphere of tension back in the loft, Joshua didn't fail to mention it. The taller man leaned over as they walked together, murmuring, "You look good, by the way. Mm. You should really dress like this more often."

Neku snorted. "Yeah, okay." He shook his head. He didn't get what the big deal was. He didn't think he really looked any different _. Joshua's probably just trying to butter me up._ He had no doubt the man had ulterior motives for bringing him out, though he didn't mind as much the way things were now. "You just like the skinny jeans," he said after a moment.

Joshua snickered evilly. "You betcha,'" he said, hand sneaking down to grab Neku's ass.

"Stop."

When they arrived at the club, there was a line outside. It moved quickly, though, folks flashing their ID and then moving on.

As he got up to the bouncer, Neku moved to reach for his back pocket, prepared to have the black X drawn over the back of his hand, but Joshua just waived him off. "He's fine," Joshua said.

Neku's eyes widened when the bouncer just nodded. "Go on in, Mr. Kiryu."

They shuffled inside, Neku shooting Joshua a look. "You know I'm 19, right?"

Joshua scoffed at him. "I know that. I had just assumed you would want a drink for the night."

Sure he did, but...Neku shrugged. It wasn't like he was some kind of prude—he, Shiki, and Beat occasionally got together for a beer. While he was going to be twenty in a couple months anyways, the paranoia was still there. Maybe Eri was right and he really did need to get out more.

The other man shrugged. "If it really bothers you, just don't drink any alcohol."

Fair enough.

The atmosphere moving into the club was totally different than outside. The heat hit him immediately, the humidity immediately beating back the lingering cold of the outside. Music pounded, jewel-colored lights flashing overhead swirling with bright white. The floor below was dark and packed with people, becoming visibly only in silhouette when the lights flashed.

Joshua, despite this dismissal, navigated directly to the bar to order himself a drink. "So," he said, leaning back against the counter as he waited. "Is this your preference?"

He watched the man raise a hand to the ceiling, befuddled, before realizing he was talking about the music. He shuffled, sticking his hands in his pockets (which was so much harder in these pants?). "Not exactly," he said. This music was too high-tempo, more beats and less lyrics. "I'll have to show you some time." _Maybe I could make him a playlist like I did for Rhyme._

And then he realized how romantic-cliché that was and flushed—ugh, that was just as bad as giving the guy a mixed tape. _Maybe I'll just bring my iPod with my one time_. Yes, that was safer; less rife with implication.

"Too bad," Joshua said, holding his hand out to take it the drink as the bartender finished with it.

It looked like a whiskey. And here, I expected him to get a fruity drink. Guess...he did need the stress relief.

His expression was calm, which was a nice change from the train wreck he'd walked in on earlier. "Our musical exchange thus far has been rather one-sided."

Neku blinked in surprise as Joshua quickly downed the drink. "Uh—finished that kind of fast, didn't you?"

But Joshua just shook his head. "As much as I appreciate a good whiskey, I'm not here to stand around." Abandoning his empty glass, he reached out to grasp Neku's hand. He turned, walking him back towards the crowd. "You wanted to see my moves, didn't you?"

Neku laughed shortly. "This'll be good."

His words were lost in the noise as Joshua led him out onto the dance floor.

It was quickly disorienting. While he'd been able to see the club area relatively clearly from the borders, once he joined the masses his vision was blocked on all sides. He'd never especially liked crowds, much preferring to isolate himself in the midst of Shibuya's business, but Joshua's hand clasped firmly around his was a godsend.

They moved into the middle of the room, which was actually slightly less packed-in—probably because no one wanted to get trapped there. His narrowed eyes snapped back to attention as Neku found Joshua pressing him back against him.

"Can't really see much this way," Neku raised a brow, smirking.

"Don't worry," Joshua murmured against his ear. "I promise, your expectations will be entirely satisfied."

"Bring it," he shouted back.

While the music wasn't necessarily to his preference, it was still dance-y as all get out. While the two of started off moving together, Neku eventually wiggled out of Josh's hold to move beside him instead.

Joshua raised an eyebrow at him, but laughed as Neku started to actually dance, popping each of his limbs out, his sneakers grinding into the floor. "Admittedly," Joshua snickered, "not exactly what I had had in mind."

"No no no," Neku grinned, kicking his heels out as he twisted both arms out. "You said you had moves. Time to back it up, pretty boy."

Josh's lip twitched, twinkle of mirth in his eyes. "Alright, then," he said. "but don't say I didn't warn you."

Even dancing more casually, Joshua's style was still inherently sensual. He gyrated his hips in a precise figure-eight, rolling his shoulders to the rhythm as he crossed and uncrossed his arms. It certainly didn't look bad, but it wasn't anything amazing. "Hm. Not sure it lives up to the hype."

Joshua grinned at him. "Is that a challenge?"

"It's been a challenge," Neku shot back easily.

From there, it was a shambles. For all his talk, the sexy club setting resolved into the two of them boyishly trying to outdo one another, each laughing at the other's attempts while occasionally pulling out something surprising. Dropping, swaying, popping—it was a menagerie of two guys looking stupid but, actually, having a lot of fun.

Josh did a twirl at one point, and he just about lost it. Damnit, his face hurt. Was he actually smiling that much?

Still, eventually, the beats did shift, the DJ probably taking note of the hour getting later. The bass deepened, slowing, and Neku merely brushed Joshua's hand appreciatively as he found them largely back to where they started: pressed together, bodies now humming with exertion.

He laid his hand over-top where Joshua's was resting at his waist. He swallowed as he rolled back against Joshua's hips, the man's breath against his ear as a notable hardness pressed up against his ass. "I guess," he panted, "you're going to get what you wanted after all."

Joshua's voice was husky when he replied. "Are you saying it's not what you want as well?"

Neku tilted his head back, glancing over his shoulder to meet the other man's eyes. "I never said that." He groaned softly as the man's knee shifted between his legs, rubbing gently against the back of his balls. "Fuck, Josh..."

Joshua nibbled on the rim of his ear, which, dammit, his ears were so damn sensitive at the best of times, much less when he was already ready hard and grinding against the guy he'd had sex with multiple times now. His mind flashed with moments of sensory recall—the man jacking them off pressed together, Josh expertly swallowing down his dick, the burst of arousal at them grinding slow and torturous, just like this, except that time Joshua had been beneath him and _this time_ —

...it had been a long time, but. He...kind of wanted to?

Josh chuckled against his ear. "Want to get out of here?"

"Hell yes," Neku panted.

They were hardly out of the club before he was pulling Joshua out of sight, pulling him down to kiss him. His pulse leapt as Josh moaned softly into his mouth, tongues sliding together desperately as he rolled his hips up, rubbing them together. His heated body throbbed with the gratification, quickly losing himself to their being so consumed by one another. Need ached through him. _Shit—_ it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough.

His hands worked under the edge of Joshua's too-damn-tight shirt, and he brushed his thumbs over his hip bones. "Mm, can we just call a cab? I can't walk back like this."

Josh made a soft frustrated noise and pulled out his phone quickly requesting a ride before latching on to Neku's neck. Neku melted, clinging to the Josh's upper arms to stay upright. "I want you," the man hissed against his skin.

"Just wait a few minutes, you impatient bastard." As turned on as he was, he didn't want to risk the asshole trying to initiate something here. He tilted his head up, pulling Josh back up to kiss him again. "I want you too," he murmured, face burning.

It was only a few minutes before the taxi pulled up, those moments filled with some very heated making out. Josh pulled away as the blotch of yellow filled the corner of Neku's vision. The man was grinning like a fox as he climbed into the taxi. "Clubbing was a great idea. Don't you think?"

"Yeah, yeah," Neku grumbled, scooting into Joshua's side. After a moment, the car moved, and he shrugged. "It was fun."

His eyes darted over as he noticed Josh reach out and delicately close the blinder between the front of the back. "Hey-"

Neku's concern was silenced as Joshua hauled him up into his lap. "Hey!" His face burned. He snarled, "Just cause you're taller than me doesn't mean you get to manhandle me— _mm_!" He was cut off as Joshua brought their lips together again, continuing what they been up to outside the club.

Joshua pulled back slightly, giggling as Neku struggled to catch his breath. "—he says, as though he doesn't manhandle me all the time."

Neku paused. Joshua's eyes were bright and fond in the darkness. "Well. I didn't exactly hear you complaining."

"No." Joshua gently nuzzled the hair tucked behind his ear. "You're right. I enjoy how aggressive you can be."

Okay, well. Maybe that comment made up for it a little bit.

Joshua took that as surrender as another kiss became heated and they spent the rest of the taxi ride grinding like horny teenagers (which, okay, technically he was a horny teenager, shut up.)

Time passed in a blur and as soon as they pulled up to the loft, Joshua wasted no time throwing a hundred bodily to the driver and then kissing Neku up the curb, up the stairs and inside.

They passed the couch, because Joshua had a really nice bed and it would have been a waste.

Joshua's eyes widened as Neku pulled him down on top of him. Neku peered up at the other man, chest heaving from all of those goddam stairs and...well. This. Joshua's gaze examined his expression from only inches away. "This is an unexpected turn."

"...I've been thinking about it for a while," Neku admitted, glancing to the side. "It's just...hard for me." He didn't like being unbearable to people as it was, his friends being rare exceptions. There was a vulnerability to this that went even beyond sex; the knowledge that someone could hurt you so easily, the stigma that emasculated people who bottomed during sex. It was bullshit, but it wasn't like he wasn't aware of it. So maybe it wasn't that big of a deal to other people, but the idea of being that out of control with another person just...put his hackles up.

Joshua frowned slightly, sitting back. "You don't have to," he said. "I'm perfectly happy to continue on the street we've been on. I quite enjoy getting fucked when the passion's there." He leaned forward slightly. "And you are _passionate_ , partner."

Neku blew out a breath. "...it's fine," he said, and then shook his head. That wasn't a good explanation at all. Turning back, he reached for the hem of his shirt, then pulled it off. "I want to. And..." he hesitated, before saying softly, "...I trust you."

As he watched him, Joshua glanced away, swallowing. When he turned back, his smile was coy, but his eyes were soft. "Well. Who am I, to deny a request from my dear, dear partner?"

Neku rolled his eyes, grabbing Joshua's rumpled white collar to pull him down again. "Just kiss me, you prick."

Joshua did. Neku let himself relax into the kiss, attention quickly absorbed by the erotic sensation of Joshua leaning fully into him, and he could feel the man slowly working his way out of his clothes. He flushed as the man placed kisses down his chest, heart jumping as the Josh's hands fell to his zipper. His thoughts from earlier in the day rose to the forefront as the man swiftly unzipped his fly, reached into his boxers, and wrapped one hand around his erection. "Josh," he panted, only to break off into a moan as the man took his dick into his mouth.

Joshua raised a cocky brow at him, swirling his tongue around the head and _fuck._

"Feel good?" Joshua purred at him, his bright eyes hooded with want as he turned his head, taking Neku deeper.

"Don't you dare stop," Neku groaned, head falling back against the pillow.

He kept on, teasingly through. Just as Joshua was teasing the vein along the underside of his dick, Neku brought his hands down to bury in Joshua's hair. "Wait, wait," he forced out. He fought through the urge to come, but Joshua backed off of him as he had asked.

"Change of heart?"

"I don't want to come like this," he said. "Just...just go on."

"Go on?"

Neku's ears were hot. "I said I want to feel you, and I want to." After a moment of contemplation, he peered back to Joshua with a smirk. "So you better impress me, Mr. Big Talk."

Joshua's eyes brightened with interest, and he solemnly placed a hand over his chest. He seemed to be holding back a snicker. "Dangerous words, Neku. I'm quite happy to make you scream."

Neku's mouth went dry, and he laughed as he felt himself grow red. "If you can."

He went quiet as Josh retrieved the condom and lubricant from the drawer, going through the mundane and still anticipatory motions of slowly rolling on the condom and popping the cap. He slicked his fingers, Neku's heart jumping as he brought two forward before gently pushing them into him. _Two?—ah._

Despite the greater intrusion than he'd been expecting, Josh watched him hungrily as he slowly opened him up. Neku had a sudden greater appreciation for Joshua's long, elegant fingers as the man easily found his prostate, massaging it gently. Neku swore quietly, arching his hips up as the other man chuckled lowly between his thighs.

"What's wrong, Neku?" Glancing up, he caught the glimmer in Joshua's eyes as he slowly twisted his now three fingers, aiming for that spot again. "Where's all that talk from before? I do enjoy your smart mouth..."

"Sh-shut up," Neku panted as Joshua's pace quickened, gently working him looser.

"I'm only teasing, dear," Joshua said softly.

As he clenched his fingers into the sheets, Joshua moved into position. The man shot him a look, and Neku just scowled, though he knew his arousal was plain on his face. "I said it was okay, didn't I? Come on." Neku hooked one foot behind Joshua's hips, urging him forward.

"Alright."

Slowly, carefully, Josh pushed inside him. Neku's mouth fell open, loosing his breath as Joshua's slicked erection plunged deep, gentle, but with no hint of hesitation. Neku exhaled shakily, reaching up to pull Joshua back down so he could kiss him again. The man groaned, warm breath huffing against his lips. "You're so wonderfully tight..."

Yeah, he knew that was probably the case. Still, it was embarrassing to hear it. "Good for you," he mumbled, biting his lip as Joshua rocked forward into him, filling him up. He could feel a heat of pleasure rushing his body. Damn, it had been so long since he'd been filled like this; he'd almost forgotten how good it felt.

Joshua's smile turned devious as the comment. "Good _for_ me," he echoed, before his hands fell to Neku's hips and he smoothly thrust into him, Neku's grumbling breaking off into a choked noise.

Damn. His body jolted with pleasure and he panted, legs hooking around Joshua's waist to draw him closer. "Josh, don't stop, that's— _fuck_."

"You look so good like this," Josh responded, holding onto him as he moved, hand reaching down to pump Neku's dick. Neku moaned embarrassingly loud at the sudden touch, and Joshua just smiled, so frigging proud of himself. "Even better, when you come. The way your body tenses—it's almost pornographic."

Neku barked a sudden laugh. "Somehow I think this is more— _ngh_ —'pornographic' than that."

Joshua hummed, the faint sheen of perspiration glinting on his brow. "Fair assessment."

Neku was caught off-guard when, a moment later, Joshua pulled his hips closer and began thrusting more fervently.

Neku's toes curled under the onslaught, and he panted into Joshua's shoulder. _Yes, yes, yes-_

"You feel incredible," Joshua murmured against his ear, not _fucking stopping fuck he was so close—_

He gasped. "Josh—"

Josh's thrusts became stilted. "Come for me," he whispered.

Neku let himself go. Josh let out a soft, hot noise, and he knew he was coming too.

Neku could feel Joshua clutching the back of his shirt as he started to come down. He gave an _oof_ as the man turned them on their side, nuzzling Neku's nape.

"Are you staying here tonight?" Joshua murmured.

Neku frowned softly, body still pulsing with aftershocks. Honestly, he wasn't sure if he was really up to talking quite yet, mind still half-stupid from his orgasm. "...I'll have to go first thing," he winced. "I have morning classes tomorrow."

"That's okay," Joshua said, and Neku felt his arms clutch tighter around him. "You can just...stay for now, alright, Neku?"

"Mm-kay," he murmured, he was already half-asleep. Joshua's face pressed against his back, and Neku thought...his lips were moving?

It felt like he was trying to say something, but Neku didn't know what.

\--

The next evening, while he was working the counter at Ramen Don with Beat, Joshua's image appeared on his phone with an incoming call.

He checked the door before picking it up, holding a hand to cradle the receiver. "Hey. What's up?"

Joshua didn't speak for a moment. On the other side of the line, Neku could hear a supreme quietness. Peering to the darkness outside, he pictured Joshua sitting legs-folded on his bed, the dimness of his bedroom around him with the skylight casting in. It was probably more romantic than true; his mental image of Joshua in general tended to be more elegant than reality. Was that what they call the honeymoon phase?

Eventually, Joshua said. "That...stupid method you suggested."

Neku waited for more, but Joshua went quiet again. "Yeah? I remember."

There was a pause, and Joshua finally said, "I got a few lines in today."

Neku inhaled sharply, hand grasping the counter. "That's great, Josh!"

The news, while it might have been mundane to anyone else, felt enormous under the circumstances. Hope rose in him that maybe, just maybe, things were going to get better.

He was so so so so so so wrong.


	12. Noise

Joshua’s first sign of progress was relief, but it didn’t mean things had gotten more relaxed at the loft.

Joshua was on edge for several days after. The whole performance thing was really getting to him. Neku was glad that he’d been able to write at least a little, but the fast approach of the due date made Josh restless and he snapped at Neku with increasing frequency. Neku didn’t think he deserved that, but he understood the amount of pressure Josh was under and tried to be understanding.

Neku tromped up the steps to the top floor five days before the due date with a seed of worry in his stomach. “Hey, Josh?” He called up as he cleared the steps, slowing when he noticed the man at his piano. He lowered his voice. “Hey. You never responded to my texts last night. You alright?”

Once Neku had been standing there for a second, he picked up on the queasy atmosphere in the room and goosebumps rose on the back on his neck. He recalled the bright, breezy feeling the loft had offered the first time he’d stepped inside—even though nothing of the interior had shifted, it felt like night and day. Or, the reverse of that, actually. The darkness settling in all corners of the room reminded him of the hostile nothing of an empty basement in a horror movie, the lighting from Joshua’s many lamps seeming harsh and intrusive. He wasn’t sure what was making it feel so different, and that made Neku nervous.

Joshua didn’t look up at him, his violet eyes focused down on the keys beneath his fingers with almost a detached expression. He was hunched over the keyboard, arms hanging limp in position as thought their tentative position on the keys were the only things keeping them up. When he spoke, Neku almost didn’t hear him. “What are you doing here.”

For a second, Neku was sure he’d misheard him. “Huh?”

Joshua’s eyes, not rising, narrowed slightly. He took a deep breath. “I didn’t call you,” he said, “so why are you here.”

Neku was baffled _._ And a little hurt? _What the hell is that supposed to mean?_ It wasn’t like Neku hadn’t dropped by unannounced before, or that Josh had ever had _any freaking problem_ with him coming over. Hell, if they were being technical, Josh was paying him to keep him company. Neku furrowed his brow. “What are you _talking_ about? Josh, honestly, you’ve been lashing out at me for days now. Why are you acting like this?”

Slowly, Joshua stood. He looked awful, which was a shock in and of itself—even when he was at his worst during the month, he had still maintained that infuriating composure. Now, it looked as if he were barely holding himself up.

Joshua dragged himself to the other side of the space and Neku opened his mouth to protest when the man reached the hallway, thinking he was just going to leave. But Joshua stopped at the little partition wall. He leaned his hand against it, the weight of his body slumping towards the point of contact as he hung his head. “...hit a wall again,” he murmured after a long moment.

Neku gently closed his mouth. This was distressing to watch, and while he was still mad, he knew how bad that kind of setback would have hit the other man. _A little bit of hope, just to have it fail again._ He took a couple steps forward, reaching a hand up as if to touch him, even if Josh was still too far away. “Josh...”

“I tried everything to pick it back up. But it was just a _band-aid_ ,” Joshua’s voice rose again, more audible this time, the harsh intonations reverberating off the partition wall in front of him. “It didn’t actually _fix_ anything.”

Neku rolled his shoulders back, wanting to say something encouraging, something to help, but Joshua spoke again before he got the chance.

In a swift motion, he straightened, turning roughly in Neku’s direction, but his stare never left the floor. The placement of the recessed lighting left his face shadowed—Neku’s stomach twisted at the way it left him completely unable to read his expression. Then Joshua said, voice harsh, “You _obviously_ can't help me, so you should just go.”

The words felt like he’d been hit. The coldness of Joshua’s voice, the condescension and nastiness, like Neku had been a _waste of time._ Neku staggered back a step, stomach sinking like a stone. “What the _fuck_ ,” he shot back, but he could feel his hands shaking. “You can’t be serious.”

In an instant, Joshua’s eyes rose to meet his. The violet was sharp, singularly focused. “What’s the problem,” He snapped. “ _You’ll get your money_ , if that’s what you’re worried about. But there’s no reason to keep you around when you _can’t help me_.”

Neku couldn’t fucking breathe. _God_ , in an instant, it was like his nightmares were all coming to fruition right in front of him. _God dammit_ , this was _exactly_ what he was worried might happen and he didn’t want this to be the truth because he’d fallen for it. He liked how _into him_ Joshua had seemed, felt something soft at tender way the man kissed the back of his neck after sex. It was so stupid how special that made him feel, he was so _stupid._

His hands balled into fists. He wanted to punch him. He wanted to cry. “ _Seriously_ ,” he bit out, gritting his teeth. “That’s it? After everything, this is how it ends?”

Joshua didn’t say anything, gaze fallen back to the floor.

“You know,” Neku forced out, fists shaking, “I thought you wouldn’t be like this. With what you went through with your parents, and the way you grew up, I never thought _you’d_ be the one to do something like this.”

Neku flinched as Joshua slammed his palm against the wall, snarling, “And _somehow_ , _Neku,_ you _never_ considered that’s _exactly_ why I’d _‘do something like this._ ’”

Neku averted his eyes. He was so _fucking_ mad he was fucking crying. Letting Joshua see it. _“Asshole_ ,” he said finally, before turning and getting the fuck out.

He couldn’t even do his damn homework that night. His eyes hurt too much.

The following days were a train wreck. He slogged through work and classes, struggling to listen and pissed off that he had let that bastard hurt him. Shiki, Eri, and Beat saw him, and their presence made it so the fire of anger couldn’t stay lit. The old him would have doubled down and gotten angry at everyone once it got to be too much to be aimed at a single person, but...his friends had worked so hard to get him out of that headspace, and the idea the he was letting them down just made him feel worse.

Still, it left Neku in a fog. He kept wanting to say something, but every time he looked down at his phone and saw the stark white screen with no messages, it just hurt again and he never sent anything.

From beside him in Literature, Shiki gave him a sympathetic frown. "I'm really sorry, Neku. Maybe I shouldn't have encouraged it so much."

"I'm the idiot that believed him," he snorted despondently, scratching idly along the side of his notes in irritated scribbles. It was almost the same urge that made him want to tag, but the only thing he could imagine drawing was Joshua’s stupid beautiful face with a negation mark over it. _Like that wouldn't scream 'hung up.'_ Josh would probably laugh to see him like this.

Ugh, and Mr. H. He'd liked that guy! He'd been excited about tagging with him, but wouldn't it be awkward now, with what had happened with Joshua? He didn’t know if he would even be able to go see the guy, for fear Joshua might be there.

_Man_. He guess he _had_ kind of warned him.

"You couldn't have known he was like that. It still makes me so mad that he would play with you like that!" Shiki's cheeks puffed in agitation, and she leaned in, whispering, "Do we need to egg his house?"

He couldn’t help but smile a little. "No, but thank you for that mental image." He took a breath, noticing an extensive list of school events over the next few days that needed preparation notated rigorously my Shiki's hand. He gestured to it casually. "Need help with any of that? I could use something to get my mind off this."

Shiki blinked, before glancing down to the note. "Oh! Um, sure! I'd love the help." She paused, the notebook paper crinkling under her fingers as she took another look at it. "Are you sure, though? I don’t want to just pile work on you when you’re dealing with this already..."

Neku shrugged one shoulder. "Trust me. I need it."

Neku was relieved at how busy he became over the next few days. Shiki was really criminally overworked; this time of year was event after event after event, blowing up balloons, arranging seating, picking up guests from the airport. There was so much more involved than Neku would have imagined, and it was the perfect distraction. Being able to spend it with Shiki, plus Eri when she was able to drop by between classes, made it better too.

Still. His eyes kept drifting to that empty screen. Some part of him still hoped to see that picture flash in: Joshua's face peering deviously over his shoulder as he signed that damned contract.

That night, as he laid in the dark of his bedroom, he couldn't help himself.

He typed in, **_are you awake?_**

...

No response.

(He didn't know what he would have said even if he’d gotten one.)

He was painfully aware of the days passing. _Two days until the performance, one day until the performance._ He didn’t like thinking about it, or worrying about the bastard who'd thrown him out like garbage.

The evening of the night before, he caught Shiki carrying some materials back towards the theatre. "Hey—I thought you were done. They got you on something else now?"

Shiki stiffened in the doorway, back tense and arms crushing the decorations. "It's. Um. It's for the thesis concert, actually."

Ah. So that's why she hadn't mentioned it to him.

Wincing, she turned around to look at him. "I...thought you might not want to be involved in this one. You know. Considering."

Taking a breath, he paused. He had a shift with Beat later in the evening, but after class... "Actually, I think I kind of want to be there." He couldn't help but glance away at the admission, lingering paranoia making him worry that Shiki might judge him for it.

Her hold dropped, supplies slumping audibly in her grip. "Whoa, really?"

"Yeah," he swallowed. "Honestly, I kind of want to see him."

Her eyes hardened. _There it is_. Shiki might have been his friend, but that didn't mean she was free of judgement. " _Neku."_

"I'm not going back to him," he shot out quickly. He didn't want her to think he was about to go beg Joshua to take him back; he hadn't even _done_ anything. And the sex was good, but not better than his self-respect. He clenched a fist, glancing down the dull florescent reflection in the hallway. "I just...I think that I deserve some kind of explanation. His reasons were...they weren't enough."

Shiki took a breath, glancing back at him consideringly. "I mean, if you're up for it, yeah! This one's...kind of involved anyways." She grinned sheepishly.

"No prob," he said. "Let me put my stuff in my locker."

Nearly midnight.

**_Nothing to say?_ **

Nothing, apparently.

The morning of the performance, Neku finally received a text back.

He woke up to a missed message with a familiar picture on the front, and his heart betrayed him by leaping.

When he opened it, he was greeted with single line of text.

**_The money is in your account._ **

Neku frowned down at the cold screen, his chest burning. _That's it?_ Mouth pulling into a snarl, he typed back a response.

**_Come on, man. Talk to me._ **

He hadn’t gotten a response by the time he got out of class, ditching his second block to start helping with final prep in the theatre where Shiki was already working.

He paused as he entered: a curtain of blue velvet had been hung in the middle of the stage to emphasize the performance area. Lights were hanging over the sheet, giving the place a mystical yet still refined feel. But there was still a lot to be done.

Somehow, the sight of the empty seats put a pit in his stomach. He scoffed, turning away from the stage. _Stupid to get second-hand jitters from people who aren’t even here._

Just then, he saw Shiki approaching behind him with a to do list. He took a breath.

Six hours left. 

At around three hours to go, people started showing up. They all looked like students, his age or a little bit older, and they were all dressed to the nines. They meandered about the stage checking the lineup and doing soundchecks, making sure their instruments were tuned properly.

Neku peered amongst the wandering faces, but he had yet to spy Joshua.

Shiki was bent over beside him, taping the keyboard cord to the floor (he had seen the elegant piano that was meant for _Yoshiya.)_ She glanced up at him. "Nervous?"

He crossed his arms, foot tapping anxiously on the floor. "I just wish he'd hurry up and get here already." _And maybe that I could figure out what I want to say to him._

Shiki frowned, nodding. He didn't blame her for not trying to reassure him—he knew Joshua better, after all.

He glanced away, gaze wandering over the chaos in a moment in wistfulness. He knew, as well, that there was another possibility: that Josh never finished. That Yoshiya Kiryu wouldn't be making an appearance at all.

No reason to stress out the others with that knowledge. There was always the chance he was wrong.

He caught sight of an agitated looking Shades crossing the stage with his phone in his hand, and was glad that he’d thought to wear a hoodie. He wondered if he was talking to Josh.

He watched him hang up.

As the hour mark approached, Neku couldn't stand still. He was stuck in a loop of watching his phone, watching the back doors, watching the piano.

Word had begun to spread that their star performer had yet to make an appearance and the event’s hosts were tearing their hair out. Shiki, finally catching on, shot Neku a look, but all he could do was shrug at her. He didn't know what to say.

There was a part of him felt defeated. All the work that Joshua had put into trying to write again, all the effort everyone had put into pulling this together, and it would all be a disappointment.

(Not to mention the uselessness of his own part in it. It just made him feel more inadequate.)

He physically jumped when his phone rang, but paused in confusion when his hand flew to grab it and it came back with an unfamiliar number.

Narrowing his eyes, he clicked the phone on to answer and brought it up to his ear. "Hello?"

There was a sigh. "Neku? That you?"

It took him a second to recognize the voice before his eyes widened. "Mr. H? Hey."

"Hey," the man parroted. The man’s scratchy tones sounded spent. "Glad I caught you, Neku. Just wondering if you've spoken to Josh today." The man tsked. “I know he’s been on edge about playing, and he’s not answering my calls.”

Neku dropped his gaze, his hair falling into his eyes. _Oh. He...wouldn’t know, would he._ “No, uh. We...kind of broke up, I guess.” He felt stupid saying it—it wasn’t like they’d ever _really_ been together.

He wasn’t expecting Mr. H to immediately bark back, _“What.”_

“Uh.” Neku stumbled over a reply, caught off guard by the sharpness in the man’s tone.

He heard Mr. H take a deep breath. “Neku. How long ago did you break up?”

He swallowed. _What kind of reaction...?_ “Earlier this week?”

“How many days was that?”

He back-tracked mentally—he’d honestly been such a mess that the days had been blurring together. “I...including today, it would have been four days ago. Mr. H, what’s—”

The man gave a sharp inhalation. “Listen. Have you heard from him since then? At _all.”_

His mind went back to that morning. “Uh, yeah. This morning, he sent me this text about the money being in my account, but he never responded to me after that.”

There was a pregnant pause on the other side of the line, and as fractions of seconds seemed to drag on impossibly, Neku’s stomach squirmed with a sudden, potent dread. “Neku,” Mr. Hanekoma, his voice hurried with urgency. “I hate to ask this of you, but I need you to go to the loft and check on him _right now. As quickly as you can._ This is really important, and I’m stuck—I _can’t_ go.”

_His ankle monitor,_ he remembered. _He can’t leave the shop._

_“_ Can you do it?”

It took him a second to snap to his senses. “Y-yeah,” he said after a moment. “Yeah, I can go.”

“Good man,” Mr. H said as Neku hurried to grab his stuff. “Please. Let me know as soon as you talk to him.”

“Okay,” he said, slamming then end call button then darting for the exit.

Shiki shot him a look of alarm as he bolted for the door, uneasiness creeping through him like a disease.

The loft was relatively close to the school, but it still made for a run. As his sneakers slammed down over the pavement, the aura of dread began to close in around him like smoke in a closed room.

He slowed, panting as he turned the corner and the stretch of clean, gray building rose up before him. _Almost there_. He didn't know what was going on, but somehow it felt _vital_ that he get there as quickly as possible. Even as his heart was pounding, he felt relieved as he finally made his way up the steps.

He reached out, turning the knob—and something made his blood run cold.

The door...was locked.

That...couldn’t be right.

Frozen, he tested it again. It turned, but the door still met the sturdy resistance of an iron bolt.

_...okay._ Taking a deep breath, Neku reached up and pounded on the door. He waited.

Nothing.

Gritting his teeth, he slammed his fist repeatedly against the wood again.

No response.

He staggered back, stepping down a few steps before peering up. Was it possible he was just out?

His gaze moved over the front of the building before finding the kitchen window.

No. The light was on. Joshua was anal about many things, and he always flicked that light off on their way out. He hated that he was having to recall these minute details now, for something like this.

His eyes moved to the side window on the second floor, about two feet away from the wall of the building next door.

He considered it. This was crazy. Mr. H hadn't had time to explain, but he wouldn’t have sent him out here if it wasn’t important, right? Plus, he...he just had a really bad feeling about this.

He gritted his teeth, jumping down the steps to move to the side of the building. He narrowed his eyes at the window, which Joshua often kept open, letting in the breeze like a maniac even if they were into winter proper now. He usually didn't even care about locking the door—would he have locked it?

He was willing to risk it.

Moving to brace against the wall, he pushed back to stick his foot up against the brick. Grunting, he pushed himself up the wall, wincing as the brick scraped up the back of his arms.

Luckily, the window wasn't that high up. After a minute of working his way up the wall, he was finally eye-to-eye with the window. Despite the light, he couldn’t make out much inside beyond the one lit lamp a ways in. Shaking with exertion, he reached out to the window seal. "Come on," he grunted, a rush of breath leaving him as the window pushed up with the jamming of his nails into the tiny gap underneath. _There._

After levying the window up, he hesitated for a moment before dropping to carefully lower himself, and then dropping to hang from the window. Arms straining, he pulled himself up and finally climbed inside.

It was dark. There was the one kitchen light on, a spotlight in the dimness, as well as the little lamps Joshua liked to keep on as ambiance when he was working. But there was no piano, no noise at all; the loft was completely silent. The air was tinged blue where the sun had just started setting outside.

He brushed down the goosebumps on his skin, continuing inside. 

He glanced over the rail at the first floor, and the rooms were still and empty. Unless he had just done something really stupid by breaking in for no reason, Joshua had to be on the top floor.

As he climbed, it was completely silent. He swallowed, nerves on end at the apprehension of the dark, quiet loft.

When he got up to the top floor, he spied the empty spot where the piano had once been, and notable skid marks across the floor. It was a little jarring, like entering your room only to find everything moved two inches to the left. He’d grown so used to seeing it. _He must have moved it back to the bedroom? Weird. Why?_

That just left one place to look, then.

Heart pounding with unease, he crept back to the bedroom.

As he moved into the doorway, he saw him immediately. The image struck him, feeling almost prophetic to the way he’d pictured Joshua the last time they'd spoken on good terms: perched on his bed like something elegant, staring downward, light from the blued skylight surrounding him like an aura. But even in the darkness, he could see the grimness of his expression, the way he sat turned towards the headboard unnaturally, hands somewhere shadowed in his lap as he stared into nothing.

Neku frowned, leaning in. "...Joshua?"

In an instant Joshua whipped around to look at him. He gaped, violet eyes shadowed as though he hadn't slept in days.

And his arms rose, and Neku froze as he realized he was staring down the barrel of a _gun_.

_A...gun_?

After a second, Joshua's voice snapped across the room. " _Neku_? Did you _break in_?"

There was a strained quality to his voice that made him sound almost manic. It made Neku feel very not good about the fact that he still had a _gun_ pointed at his chest.

He choked, "Where did you get a fucking _gun_?"

With a snap of his bright violet eyes, Joshua's gaze fell to the weapon and he clenched his teeth, grimacing as he _clutched the gun back against his chest like a baby holy **shit**._

Neku slowly raised his hands, Joshua practically snarling at him as he took another step into the room. "Josh, you need to put the gun down. You're going to fucking shoot yourself."

Joshua averted his eyes. "...you're not supposed to be here," he said, accusatory.

The simple sentiment made him pause. Slowly, Neku lowered his arms, and his eyes widened. "Josh, why _do_ you have that gun?"

The other man eyed him as if Neku was a wild animal, and didn't answer.

Silently, Neku's mouth dropped open, and it felt, as he stared at the other man, as though he had never seen him before. That...that didn’t make any damn _sense._

Josh grit his teeth, and Neku tensed as the pistol was properly replaced in his hand. " _Leave_ , Neku," he hissed.

_The fuck?_ Neku clenched his fists. " _Hell_ no, I'm not going to leave." He waited, heart pounding and gaze locked on the gun in Josh's hand. “Josh, what’s going on?”

There was a long, unsteady pause. Neither of them moved, Neku still half-stunned by the scene before him. Had Joshua really been...was he really trying to...?

"...it's useless," he heard Joshua whisper eventually, disdain in his voice so palpable it gave Neku goosebumps.

His first instinct was to ask him what he meant, but...at least partially, he already knew. He frowned, stepping forward. "Josh..."

The man's pale, elegant fingers shook on the gun. "All of this is...meaningless." He glared at the floor, hazy eyes seeming to burn. "There's nothing left. It doesn’t matter what I do—I'm not going to be able to bring it back because _I never had it_. _They_ took it with them."

Neku bit his lip. "Your...your parents?" His eyes moved continuously to the weapon when he wasn't looking as Josh. He was scared to take his eyes away.

Joshua giggled, bringing a hand to his face, and the sound was so discordant and out of place of turned Neku's stomach. "I might as well have been an instrument," he chuckled into his palm, shoulders shaking. "Everything now...all of my attempts end up as passionless garbage. Just _noise._ What's the _point_ of music if behind it is just..." His nervous giggling cut off abruptly, Neku stepping back as his voice rose, the man slamming a palm to his chest. _"...nothing, Neku?_ There's not even enough _in here_ to salvage without the music. Why bother to stick around as an empty husk? Please." Neku's hand shot out instinctively as Joshua hands adjusted the gun, praying he wouldn't take his shot. The man quieted, and there was audible pain in his voice. "It's...not even worth the effort."

Neku's chest was tight enough that his vision hazed at the edges. "Josh, come on. That's not true." God, this was _bad_ , he spoke with such conviction and Neku's heart pounded with the idea that, if Joshua did it now, Neku wasn’t going to be fast enough to interfere.

"I'm not looking for you to _talk me down, Neku,"_ Joshua snapped nastily. His hand clenched on the gun. "I've already made my decision. You weren't even supposed to _be_ here."

"Would it matter...if I am?"

Neku spoke the words quietly, fear trembling behind the pleading tone. Joshua went silent, a turn of his head obscuring his eyes.

Swallowing, Neku stepped forward. "Is it because...you knew I would stop you?"

"And why would that be."

The coldness of the words made Neku pause again. He was afraid to rush forward for surprising Joshua into shooting.

Before he could ask _what the fuck that meant_ , Joshua continued. "Your contract is up," he said, voice hollow. "You've no obligation to stop me. You won’t _get in trouble_ for letting me die." He said the words as though the very idea was juvenile, and it made Neku's stomach twist violently that Joshua would even imply that’s what he was worried about. Did he really think that poorly of him? Darkly, Joshua whispered. "You have no reason to be here anymore."

Neku flinched, trying to steady himself. "I know you're just trying to hurt me right now," he said lowly. "But I'm not going anywhere. I'm not just going to leave you here to _fucking kill yourself_!"

Josh frowned at him, staring across the room with a grim furrow in his brow.

Neku could feel the panic creep up along the back of his neck. “Josh,” he said, voice quickening. “I don’t know what to say to you.” His mouth was dry as the watched the other man glare at the floor, both hands now posed impractically back on the weapon. “I don’t know what to say to you to make _you not do this_. And that’s fucking scary because _I don’t want you to die.”_

Joshua didn’t look at him.

_Shit._ He couldn’t let this happen. Taking a few steps forward, he watched Joshua lean away with the gun as he got closer. “I know how important your music is to you. It’s everything. I may not be able to help you now, but...we can just keep trying, right? Just because this block is bad doesn’t mean it’s gone forever.”

“If you’re _done_ offering platitudes, Neku, look at the time.” Joshua sighed harshly, lowering his head. He gestured up to the clock on the wall, to which Neku turned his attention. “Twenty-six minutes ‘til. It doesn’t matter how fast we run—they already know I’m a failure. I could hide it for a little while, but now, every time they look at me they’ll know...” He grimaced, eyes flashing as though he were seeing it before him like a vision.

Neku shook his head. “They can fucking deal with it. I know you think you’re lost it, but you can’t just... _lose_ something like that. I...” He searched for the words. “...I’ll stay here as long as I have to to help you get it back. I promise.” It was a promise hastily made, but he didn’t know what else to do.

Joshua smiled, bitter and pained. “How sweet,” he said, and it was deeply sarcastic. The man briefly closed his eyes, the back of his head tilting up to the ceiling. “You’re wasting your time,” he whispered, exhausted. He said, “If you don’t leave now, Neku, you’re about to traumatize yourself.”

Neku’s heart jumped, mind hazy with despair. _No, no, no,_ what could he _do?_ “Come on. You can’t let them win like this.”

There was a palpable shift in the air. Joshua’s eyes narrowed, a disdainful curl to his lip. “Excuse me?”

“It’s your parents that turned your life into this,” he said. “ _That’s_ what you told me. Something like that—you didn’t _fail_ , Josh. They’re the ones who failed you by not fucking caring if you got to have a life or not. Not caring if you were _happy_. Because you should have that.” He paused, hoping that Joshua was actually listening to him. “But if you do this—if you die now—you’re letting them take away _every other possibility_. Every chance for you to ever be happy. You can’t let them do that, Josh.” He forced the franticness out of his tone. More pressure was the last thing Joshua needed. He bit his lip, and lowered his voice. “They’re _not here_ anymore. You don’t have to let them dictate your life. They don’t get to decide that for you.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Joshua spat, and his face crumpled. “It doesn’t matter what kind of time I have, Neku. Even if I could pick up something else—that will be it. The eyes are on me already. I’ll end up just jumping through hoops again trying to be good enough, and at the end of the day, it would still be...I would still be...” For a second, there was a spark of something like true fear in his eyes. His voice fell to a whisper, and Neku strained to hear him in the quiet. “I don’t even know how to _be_ anything else. I hardly count as a person as it is—I can’t just force something in the empty space and expect it to mean anything.”

Neku shook his head. As unthreateningly as possible, he began to raise his hands. “I...just stop me if this is too much.”

Joshua flinched like a wounded animal as Neku stepped forward into his space. Pulse throbbing in his ears, Neku carefully reached out and threaded his hand with Joshua’s, gently prying gaps between his fingers. Hesitantly, Joshua let him nudge the weapon from his fingers. It dropped safely to the soft bundles of the comforter. Joshua’s arms stayed up in the air above Neku’s back as Neku leaned forward, pulling Joshua against him.

“You have to _make it_ mean something. Even if you don’t know how...I want to help you figure this shit out, okay? Hell, I had to have my hand held through basic human functioning myself, so I might actually be kind of qualified.” He swallowed, relieved beyond relief that that gun was no longer in Joshua’s hand. He just hoped this was helping Josh at all. He wasn’t like Shiki, or Rhyme, or Beat—he wasn’t good at this stuff. But there was a reason it had hurt so badly when Joshua had turned him away, and the thought of something happening to him...he wasn’t going to let that happen. It didn’t matter if Joshua felt something like this or not. He tightened his grip, and he felt his face reddened as he admitted, “...I’m not going to leave you to do this alone.”

Slowly, Joshua’s hands closed around his back. Neku’s shoulder felt wet, but he felt a weak grip bury into his shirt. “...Well,” Joshua said eventually, “if you’re going to be that stubborn about it, I suppose I have to let you try.”

Neku let out a breath. “You scared me,” he said.

“Sorry,” came the soft response. When Joshua’s voice rose again, it was weaker and more hesitant than he had ever heard it. “Neku. Do we...have to stop?”

It took him a second to realize Joshua meant their hold on one another. “Not right now,” he said. “Not if you don’t want to.”

Joshua nodded into his shoulder.

They sat against the wall on Joshua’s bed for a long time, Neku nervously stroking his hand down Josh’s back while he prayed for the man to calm. After a while, their hold loosened enough to where Joshua had moved to lean wearily against Neku’s shoulder.

Joshua finally broke the silence. “Two minutes left,” he murmured tonelessly, gesturing up to the clock. “Nothing to be done about it now.”

“It’s okay,” he murmured, even though he knew that to Joshua, it wasn’t. He sniffed—he’d gotten plenty choked up himself during this whole shitstorm—his eyes drifting with great paranoia to the gun, still sitting on the bed beside them. Cautiously, he reached out and picked up the pistol with two fingers. “...I’m going put this...somewhere else,” he said. He didn’t know what he was going to do with it—it was illegal to own, and he didn’t want to just throw it out anywhere that might be traced back to him or Joshua. For now, though, he just wanted to get it out of Joshua’s line of sight. Josh shot him a nervous look at the idea of Neku going anywhere, and Neku laid a hand on his knee. “I’ll be _right back_ ,” he said. “I gotta’ let Mr. H know you’re okay, too, shit. He’s probably losing his mind.”

“...okay,” Joshua conceded after a moment, and Neku pulled back.

Getting up, Neku took the gun and moved into the next room as he dialed Mr. H’s number.

_“Neku?”_ The man’s voice shot frantically through the line—just as he’d suspected. “What happened with Josh?”

“Oh, he’s, uh. He’s not going to make it.”

_“WHAT.”_

“ _Fuck, shit_ , not like that!” Neku winced, immediately realizing he had chosen literally the worst phrasing of all time, _holy shit._ “As in, he’s not going to make it _to the show_ , _fuck_ , sorry. He’s—he’s fine.”

He felt terrible as he heard Hanekoma take a deep breath in and out. “ _Jesus, kid_. Gave me a heart attack.”

“Sorry,” he murmured again.

There was a moment as the other man seemed to compose himself. “So, what happened?”

Neku glanced back towards the room. He didn’t want to stay out there for long. “He’s in a really scary place but—we’re working through it. He’s...he’s calmed down a little for now.” He paused, not knowing how much to say, but he figured it was safe for Mr. H to know. Miserably, he whispered, “He had a gun.”

It took Mr. H a second to respond. “...yeah. I worried it might be something like that.” He sounded defeated.

Neku frowned, paranoia rising each second he was out of the room. “Look, I don’t want to be out of there too long. I’ll keep you posted.”

“Thanks, Boss.”

They disconnected.

He quickly hid the gun, making a mental note to take it with him when he eventually left. After that, he made his way back to the bedroom, where his nerves calmed to see Joshua still sitting there. The bags under his eyes were even more pronounced now that it was properly dark, and he gently tugged the string on the little bedside lamp, a pale orange glow lightening the room. Moving forward, he hesitantly took Joshua’s hand. “You look exhausted,” he said, sitting back closer to the headboard. Joshua watched him as he kicked off his shoes. “You want to lay down?” He scooted back against the headboard, patting the space beside him.

“I’m too wrung out to sleep,” Joshua mumbled, swallowing, the lack of any embellishment in the sentiment making it clear how worn out he was. “I haven’t slept in days. But laying down...might be nice.”

As he said it, he finally moved, coming up to sit beside him. After a moment of hesitation, he leaned over against Neku’s chest when he offered it.

Neku’s chest ached. He gently ran his hand through the other man’s hair, and Joshua slowly relaxed.

Despite what he said, Joshua eventually managed to fall asleep. Neku set his phone to buzz silently every ten minutes, not wanting to risk falling asleep himself. He kept having horrific visions of Joshua finding the gun while he was unconscious and Neku waking up to him dead. Paranoid, he used those ten-minute intervals to check Josh’s pulse.

In the morning, the man slowly woke to the sun, and even once they were awake they were quiet for a long time. Neku could see the storminess of Joshua’s eyes though, and he didn’t want to leave it alone after how bad it had gotten the previous day. “You...want to talk about it?”

It was several moments of silence before Joshua replied. “...I suppose after all I’ve put you through, you deserve some sort of explanation.”

That wasn’t the point at all. “You don’t have to,” he said, peering down to Joshua still laying back against his chest. Idly, he noticed how far the man’s own feet sat beyond his own down the bed—it was strange how tiny he had felt curled up the previous night.

Joshua’s brow wrinkled. “No, no,” he sighed. “I should. Give me a minute. I’ll...I’ll explain everything.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Please leave a comment; I'd love to hear what you thought. I should have updates every 3-5 days. :)


End file.
